


When We Were Younger

by dinosaursmate



Series: Catfish [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A Lot Of Masturbation, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Catfish AU, Catfish: The TV Show - Freeform, Depression Themes, I promise it's brief, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Pining, Sexting, Smoking, Smut, Social Media, Very Minor Drug Use, harry/original male character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:01:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 76,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9910358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaursmate/pseuds/dinosaursmate
Summary: About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again.His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse.-Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.





	1. Year One

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is. I don't know where to begin! Thank you to everybody who has put up with me throughout the past nine or ten months as I painfully churned this fic out. It truly is my baby and I'm very excited and nervous about finally posting it!
> 
> Lots of thank yous for this one. Thank you to [B](http://nottooldforthisship.tumblr.com/) who helped right at the very very beginning, advising me on formatting and encouraging me when this was a teeny fetus of an idea. This fic is for you let's be real.  
> [Steph](http://mommotommo.tumblr.com/), thank you for letting me go on and on and on and on and-  
> A love letter to my betas: [Jacky,](https://dimpled-halo.tumblr.com/) [Lisa,](http://a-writerwrites.tumblr.com/) and [Sus](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/), who kicked me into shape and helped me tidy this up and gave me the reassurance and encouragement I very much needed at times!
> 
> Lastly, in regards to featuring Catfish the TV show in this... I ask for a bit of artistic license in terms of how things work - can we just pretend it's organic and the process is how we see on TV? I know it's not but for the sake of the story, let's pretend. Cool? Cool. ;)

**Year One**

 

Leaning back in his chair, Harry chewed on his thumb absently. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping to achieve in these chat rooms. He certainly was  _ not  _ looking for a boyfriend on here; that was a scary concept. He just thought it’d be nice to find people to talk to, that’s all. Hence how he ended up in a chat room called  _ gay teen chat. _

One day, he’d make a proper profile on one of these chat rooms, but today was not that day.

For now, he’d hide behind the username  _ Harrynotpotter _ and his display icon of beloved Spongebob Squarepants character, Patrick Star. He hadn’t exactly put much thought into either of them. He preferred to stay fairly anonymous. You never knew who was lurking on the internet, it was known to be a sinister place. Some of the private messages he’d received on other sites had made him positively  _ blush,  _ and indecent propositions were the least of it. He didn’t need to be sent surprise dick pics when his mum could come in at any point.

_ Gay teen chat _ was perfect for Harry in the sense that he was just looking to chat with people going through the same things he was, and this particular chat room seemed chill and weirdo-free. Unless the weirdos here were just better at disguising themselves, of course.

Harry didn’t chat much, often just content to see what people were talking about and maybe giving a bit of his own input. About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again.

His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse.

The all-too-familiar picture was staring back at him; a curly, green-eyed dork with big teeth was frozen mid-laugh in the snap. It was taken on his sixteenth birthday, back in February, just a few weeks after he’d come out to his Mum. He looked happy in the picture, and indeed he had been  _ so  _ happy that day,  _ finally _ turning sixteen and  _ finally _ having come out to his Mum (and his sister, not long later).

_ Now, _ however, his blood was boiling, but he tried to clear his head and think about this logically. Was this kid actually pretending to  _ be _ Harry? His username was  _ Louis91 _ so maybe it was just Harry’s face he was stealing and not his entire identity.

He opened a private message window with  _ Louis91  _ and started typing furiously. He ranted about privacy and safe spaces and called  _ Louis91 _ all kinds of names and profanities. As he proofread it - because nothing would be more embarrassing than taking the moral high ground and making mistakes - something wicked twitched inside of him. 

It wasn’t enough. This guy could just hightail it out of the chat room, popping up in some other chat room where Harry would never find him.

_ Calling him out was not the answer here _ , Harry decided. He highlighted the whole rant, hesitating before pressing delete.

_ ‘Hi.’  _ He sent instead.

He sighed heavily, pushing away from his desk quickly and walking away, going for a wee to clear his head a bit. When he returned, he had a reply. Sick satisfaction in his gut churned wildly.

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Hello Patrick! What a lovely shade of pink you are, if you don’t mind me saying. _

He hid his insecurities behind humour and someone else’s pictures, then. Harry gritted his teeth as he typed a reply.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ You can’t comment on someone’s skin colour like that, it’s a bit rude. _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Sorry Pat, you’re right. _

Harry stared at the tiny icon of himself and rolled his eyes as he typed.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ I like your photo. _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Thanks! I mean, I’m no starfish but I like to think I hold my own _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ You certainly do :) _

Harry physically cringed. He was flirting with his own face, gross.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ You look happy. Special occasion? _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Maybe I knew I'd be speaking to you sometime in the near future ;) _

What a fucking creep. Harry scoffed, clicking the x in the corner to close the chat window. He pushed away from his desk and threw himself down on his bed, sighing heavily. He needed a distraction. He picked up his maths textbook laying on the floor. Since he couldn’t wrap his head around the heinous identity theft, he tried to wrap it around algebra instead.

➢

Come Saturday, his mum went off shopping and he was left at home to study. His GCSE exams were coming up and he’d been studying so hard his brain was hurting. He threw his books down at 1pm, making himself some lunch and logging onto the chat room.

It was full of bored teens. It was always busier at the weekends, which meant among the kids were some obvious trolls, and speaking of trolls-

**_Louis91_ ** _ : Hiya pinky! _

Harry was staring back at himself again, and he pondered what kind of creep this guy was. Was he a 57 year old man trying to prey on teenagers? Pretending to be a curly, happy, 16 year old boy? Well, Harry assumed that he was actually pretending to be nineteen, taking the  _ 91 _ of his username into account. There was no way anyone would believe that picture of Harry was a nineteen year old, but whatever.

Harry felt like he had a responsibility. What was this guy’s goal here? What was he pretending to be? And how far was he willing to go?

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ Hello curly. Not starting arguments about football today? _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ The day is young Patrick! And we've got the derby today so I'm sure I'll argue with someone _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ which derby? _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ WHICH DERBY? THE MANCHESTER DERBY! Christ Patrick why am I even wasting my time talking to you? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ You liked my pink complexion. _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ yes! please educate yourself on football mate _

Harry found his mouth twitching into a smile.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ I know my fair share, thanks. Bet you're a Wigan fan _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ oh do NOT take the piss _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : :) _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : that's not even funny. and is that supposed to prove you know your football  _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ yeah it was a token comment tbh _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : the derby starts in 20min I expect you to watch and pay attention _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : and there WILL be a test afterwards _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ I'll try and catch it. Just for you louis 91. _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ lol just louis is fine :) _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ cool just louis! I'm harry.  _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : I'm still calling you Patrick _

➢

Manchester United won 1-0 and Harry was pleased, as a somewhat casual United supporter. He was quiet over dinner which caught his mother’s attention and she made up for it by asking question after question about his studying. He didn’t  _ need _ to talk about studying when he wasn’t doing it, and he was sick to the back teeth of textbooks and revision, but Harry remembered with a sinking feeling that he still had homework to do before Monday. Fuck.

“Mum, do we  _ have _ to talk about this?” Harry sighed, poking his chicken with his fork. “I’m very stressed.”

“Alright, sorry,” his mum replied, eyes wide. "By the way, we're going to your nan's for lunch tomorrow." 

"Oh, but I was gonna go swimming with Jess."

"Just be home by one and it won't be a problem."

"But you always make plans on my behalf!" Harry whined, dropping his fork which clattered loudly against his plate. "You never check if I'm free."

He knew he sounded like a brat but honestly, it wasn't his fault. His mum needed to remember that Harry was sixteen now. He was  _ sixteen _ . He was old enough to move out, or have sex, or get married. He wasn't a kid, he needed the freedom to go where he wanted, when he wanted and not be told otherwise in no uncertain terms. 

He didn’t like to complain, really he didn’t. His mum worked so hard, and he loved and respected her so much, so he rarely argued back to her. He just wished she’d stop for a second and realise that Harry was becoming an  _ adult. _

“Harry, I know you’re growing up and you want your freedom, but part of that is honouring your responsibilities, and that includes responsibilities towards your family.”

His mum always had the last word, of course, and obviously he  _ did _ end up going to his nan’s for lunch after a morning swim with Jess. He hadn't actually seen his nan in a month and was subject to the usual questions. 'Got yourself a girlfriend yet?'  _ Not yet Nan. _ 'How are your exams going?'  _ They don't start till May _ . 'You need a haircut.'

That last one was absolutely  _ not _ going to happen.

He  _ finally  _ got home at 5pm and he forced himself to do that homework he’d been putting off before deciding to unwind by playing on his XBox for a bit before logging on to the chat room.

Louis was online. To be honest - aside from the identity theft - he seemed like a pretty normal lad. He was online a lot, though. Must not have much else to do.

**_Louis91:_ ** _ hi pinky.  _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ your test starts now! score? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ 1-0 united. _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ Scholes, 93rd minute, before you ask _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ very good! I'll let you off the hook then _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : is that it _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ you realise I coulda just googled that _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : I trust you, harry. _

Was Louis flirting with Harry? Harry swung back on his chair, rolling his eyes, mostly at himself. Louis was actually pretty good at disarming with his words, and if he could almost disarm  _ Harry _ of all people, how well did he disarm people who had no idea he’d stolen someone else’s picture?

Harry wasn’t going to take the bait. Even if he did kind of like talking to Louis.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ So louis, are you 19? _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ why'd you assume I'm 19? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ ...your username? _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : Haha oh yeah! _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ I'm still 18, my birthday is xmas eve _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ oh right, does that suck? _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ I don't know any different I suppose. I like to think I was a christmas gift to Mum ;) _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : It's ok. a lot of people actually try to make up for it, it's just annoying when no one will come out cos they're with their families or whatever _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : how old are you? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ 16 _

**_Louis91:_ ** _  BABY! _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : I'm not a baby _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ just teasing, love. So you're doing your GCSEs this summer? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ yup. It's so stressful and it's all ANYONE talks about _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : say no more pinky, I won't mention it again! _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ so I assume since you're on here you're gay? or bi? something else? not sure yet? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ you ask a lot of questions lol _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ gay. known for a while but recently came out to my mum which felt like coming out to myself in a way _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ oh, good for you harry well done! _

Harry smiled to himself as his heart flipped. Even though he knew his mum was the coolest mum probably ever, it was still the most terrifying thing he'd done in his life. So far, anyway; he hadn't come out to his dad yet. Still, he felt brave, facing up to it and going through with telling his mum, and when people validated that, he liked it.

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ :  thanks :) Dad next _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : at some point _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ Think I’ll schedule a meeting with him. 27th sept 2023. 1pm _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ if you think I'll forget to ask how it went, you'd be sorely mistaken _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ look, presumably he loves you. That's a good start but just remember if he doesn't take it well at first he'll probably come round soon enough. It's hard for some parents to accept you won't have a traditional family, you know, wedding with a girl in a white dress pushing kids out and all that _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ you've been to weird weddings ;) thanks louis :) this is why I come on here, to talk to people who know what they’re on about _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ not for the perverts wanking on webcams? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ NO OMG please tell me that doesn't actually happen on here _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ not as bad as some other sites. Unsolicited dicks are not what I'm here for _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ Me neither! God it's scary around here lol _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : thank god you found me and not some weirdo :) _

Harry snorted with amusement, sighing as he stared at Louis' little display icon.  _ That’s  _ rich _. _ He absentmindedly chewed the skin of his knuckle. Louis did seem sweet, but surely he was definitely a weirdo? 

He could log off right now. He could. And never come back. But then Louis would still be out there, using Harry's face on his profile. At least this way Harry could keep an eye on him, right?

Besides - Harry might miss him.

➢

**_Louis91_ ** _ : Why do you always come online two minutes after me? It's creepy _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ it's my routine, I always come on after my tv programme _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ hollyoaks??? _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : Yes! I've only just started watching so I'm trying to work out what the hell is going on _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ before that I only watched coronation street, under duress I might add, i'm from near manc so it's basically law _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ are you?? I'm over in doncaster _

Harry couldn't remember on the spot whether or not his location was on his Facebook - which was where he assumed Louis had stolen the picture from - so he thought he'd better not be specific, especially since he hadn’t ruled out whether Louis was a weirdo or not. 

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ oh, I'm in knutsford _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ oh yes knutsford, you have a fine service station if i may say so _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ I get impatient with corrie I was hoping molly would die in that crash she's such an annoying character! is that bad? lol _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ These people are the unluckiest in the world, deadly accidents are a monthly occurrence in soap land _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ so are you doing your A levels? _

The more Harry spoke to Louis, the less suspicious he became. Instinct was telling him Louis was a genuine sort of person who was probably just insecure, not confident in his looks and didn’t want to be overlooked, or something. Harry - although not particularly insecure - had no idea why Louis had chosen his photo in particular. Maybe he just wanted to look like some average kid.

He knew he should still be angry, but he couldn’t help but feel endeared towards Louis. He hated himself for it, but Louis was witty and fun, and he happened to be exactly what Harry needed: a friend to talk to. Someone similar to him, a year or two older with a bit of experience. An out gay man. Somewhere inside of Harry, he actually felt guilty for befriending Louis. He bet Louis would be  _ mortified _ if he actually found out who he was talking to.

➢

“I am so ready to leave this school,” Harry’s best friend, Niall, said with a sigh over lunch. “Study leave can’t come quick enough.”

“You’re not leaving, Niall. You’ll be back in September for Sixth Form.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“We’ll be top of the school!” Niall said gleefully, his eyes wide, leaning over the table to Harry. “We’ll have free periods and everything!”

“You already have two free periods a week because you dropped ICT,” Harry replied flatly, pulling open his tupperware.

“I just wanna be excited for study leave,” Niall said impatiently. “Can you just… let me be excited?”

Harry smirked, rolling his eyes as he bit into his sandwich. 

“Yeah, well, you’d better use the time to actually study. It’s important. If I hear you’ve been out partying-”

“Alright, Mum!” Niall growled. “Gimme a fuckin’ break, for God’s sake!”

“Someone’s tense.” Harry grinned before wincing as Niall kicked his leg under the table. “Got plans for the summer?”

Niall glared at him for a few seconds before rolling his eyes. “Getting shipped back off to Ireland again. Parents wanna pretend they don’t have kids for the summer.”

Harry cackled loudly, earning curious looks from a few girls at the next table.

“Oh, wait!” Harry’s face fell and he pouted at Niall. “Does this mean you won’t be here for results day?”

“Nope. Having them delivered, my mum will open them for me.”

When Niall had told Harry he was staying for Sixth Form, he had been so, so relieved. They’d been best friends ever since Niall started at the school in Year 9 when his Dad got a new job and the family relocated to Holmes Chapel. Niall was loud _. _ He was always the centre of attention and he had a heart of gold. Harry had other friends, of course, but he thought of Niall as his platonic soulmate.

He was the first person Harry had told he was gay. He was fiercely loyal and supportive, and in essence, he’d already known Harry was gay because he’d metaphorically held his hand through his gut-wrenching confusion. Harry knew he could confide in Niall when it came to absolutely anything.

He couldn’t believe Niall wasn’t going to be around on results day. Their futures rested on these results, what if Harry ripped his results open to a sea of fails? A U grade next to every single subject? Okay, so realistically he knew that wasn’t likely, but these kinds of fears had a habit of being irrational.

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ Hypothetically… what are my options if I failed ALL my exams _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ You won't!!! But you'd need to resit them, it's not the end of the world. Predicted grades? _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ 3 As. 4 Bs. 4 Cs. _

**_Louis91_ ** _ : And you're worried about getting 11 U's _

**_Harrynotpotter_ ** _ : lol I know but _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ stop panicking love I believe in u :) _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ thanks lou :) _

➢

He’d heard of falling in love with your kidnapper or whatever, but Harry definitely got the impression he was getting a crush on his impersonator. And that was just…weird. Not only did he not know  _ anything _ about this bloke, he was an identity stealer. He stole Harry’s picture and pretended to be him. This was a recipe for disaster.

It wasn’t as if there was a particularly large pool of suitors for Harry in Holmes Chapel. And as close as he and Niall were, it was nice to have another gay man to talk to. And maybe flirt with a little bit, too. 

**_Louis91:_ ** _ So, pinky, can I ask… why no photo of you on here? _

Harry’s mouth went dry.  _ Shit. _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ What are you talking about? I *am* Patrick Star lol _

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ I’m just not that comfortable with putting my photo on here, plus I’m not the most confident person _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Okay, I get that _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ I bet you’re gorgeous though :) _

Harry actually felt himself blushing, which was ridiculous. 

**_Harrynotpotter:_ ** _ No LOL but thanks, you’re very sweet _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ Hey _

**_Louis91:_ ** _ This chat site sucks, do you have Kik or something? _

➢

Now that Harry chatted to Louis via his mobile, it was far too easy to get carried away. He’d downloaded Kik especially, filling out as little of his personal information as possible. That week alone he’d had his phone confiscated three times at school and even his teachers were looking at him curiously. He was normally a fairly well behaved student, but he couldn’t help it. He most definitely had a crush on Louis and he couldn’t get enough of chatting to him. Every message he received caused butterflies to flutter in his stomach, and damn, this was fucked up.

Harry was trying to flirt, but Louis kept it all very light which just made Harry crave more and more. His guard was slipping, and fast.

When he got home on Thursday, he made a beeline for his computer. He’d been thinking about the situation while at school, and he’d decided that he needed some damage control. He opened his Facebook, taking a deep breath.

He’d hidden his pictures when he’d found Louis stealing them, but he needed to shut everything down to protect the link between his face and his personality. He made sure only his friends could see his posts, made sure his profile couldn’t be found with his phone number or his email address. He made sure only his friends could see things posted on his wall. He locked it down so tight that the only thing Louis would be able to see was his name and current profile picture. Sorted.

He saved his changes and immediately felt a pang of guilt. It was probably very selfish, leading Louis on like this. Deceiving him - even though Louis was being deceptive, too - just because he needed somebody to talk to. He did not feel like a good person.

Harry was weak. Even though they’d never, ever be able to meet - unless one of them came clean - he’d never felt like this, and not just in terms of a crush. He finally had someone to talk to who understood what he’d gone through and cared what he had to say. Harry felt better in himself for it and he didn’t exactly want to lose that. No, as bad as it may have been, Harry wanted Louis around.

➢

**_Louis:_ ** _ We went to the pub at lunchtime and this girl in my business studies class was hammered after one fucking malibu and pineapple and she came onto me _

**_Louis:_ ** _ everyone in this fucking school knows I'm gay wtf _

**_Louis:_ ** _ anyway I know you're busy today, message me when you can pinky x _

Harry found a spare minute to check his phone and he couldn’t help but smile. Louis deserved a proper reply, so Harry quickly pocketed his phone as he arrived at his after-school revision class. He hadn’t stopped since lunch, hadn’t even got a spare minute to type out a nice reply to Louis, and it was eating him up inside. He struggled through the science revision class, finding it difficult to concentrate when it was stuff he already knew. Yeah, that was kind of the point of revision, but he had other things on his mind. Namely, Louis.

**_Louis_ ** _ : Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry stop studying _

**_Louis:_ ** _ joking joking carry on *grumbles* _

**_H:_ ** _ Hiiii I'm so finished studying today I need a drink _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You're 16 haz _

**_H:_ ** _ MY LIFE IS STRESSFUL LOUIS _

**_Louis:_ ** _ just be responsible babe ;) _

**_H:_ ** _ the worst thing I'm likely to do is drunk kik you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ alright in that case get drinking! _

He went home with Niall, having dinner before the both of them locked themselves in Niall’s bedroom and cracked open some cans. Niall handed Harry his second can of cheap cider, burping.

“I think you need to shave your head,” Harry sighed. “Your hair must be so weak from all the cheap peroxide.”

“Shut up.” Niall burped again. “Maybe you should be a hairdresser.”

“There’s a job going in the bakery in town.” Harry tilted his head up, looking at Niall who was sitting on the bed behind him. “Thinking of applying. I make nice cakes, right?”

“Ah, mate, fair play. You’re good at it, go for it.”

“Thanks, Ni.” Harry nodded resolutely as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

**_Louis:_ ** _ That bloody girl keeps texting me!!! What am I supposed to do about this _

“Oi, Haz, who the heck have you been texting all week?”

“What?”

“You never fuckin’ text me back, sayin’ you never check your phone. But I haven’t seen that thing leave your hand all week.”

Harry felt a blush colour his cheeks. “It’s… no one.”

Niall scoffed, turning over on his bed and jostling Harry where his back was against the side of the bed. 

“Who the hell is it?”

“It’s… just-” Harry sighed. “A guy.”

Harry felt Niall shift behind him and Harry shuffled around, turning to face Niall. Niall was sitting up with his legs folded under him, his eyebrows raised comically high.

“When and where did you meet someone, Harry?” Niall asked in surprise.

“Um-” Harry grinned nervously, looking down at the worn blue carpet of Niall’s bedroom. “We’ve just been talking. I met him online, we’ve not met in person.”

“Oh fucking hell.” Niall sighed, eyeing Harry, concerned. “He could be a massive pervert.”

“He’s not a pervert.”

“How do you know? Have you seen a picture of him? Is he cute?” Niall reeled off. “He  _ could _ be using someone else’s pictures. It happens.”

“True,” Harry replied flatly. He rolled his eyes, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully. It was stupid, really, wasn’t it? Louis was a liar. Somehow, the more Harry spoke to Louis, the less he seemed to care. “Of course he’s cute, Niall.” Harry hoped so, anyway. “His name is Louis and he’s eighteen. Look, it’s only been like five minutes so if you could not make a big deal out of this-”

“Harry and Louis… sittin’ in a tree…”

“I swear, Niall,” Harry warned. “If you don’t shut up, I’m gonna come up there and sit on your face.”

Niall scoffed, amused. He grabbed the pillow beside him and lobbed it at Harry’s face.

“Yeah? And what would  _ Louis _ have to say about that?”

➢

**_Louis:_ ** _ Are you home yet?! _

**_H:_ ** _ nearly there!!!!!!!! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ How does your mum feel about you coming home drunk then?! _

**_H:_** _excuse me louis, she knows i’m a troubled youth, she cuts me some slack_

**_H:_ ** _ just kidding, she’s definitely gonna be waiting up for me and she’s gonna kill me I reckon _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Awww :( _

**_H:_ ** _ shit i’m here and the light’s on, she definitely waited up omg _

**_H:_ ** _ well it was nice knowin u lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ lmao let me know when you make it safely to your bedroom _

Harry didn’t get drunk often, but it wasn’t exactly the first time either. He liked to think he knew how to evade the wrath of his mother and part of him was relieved to get inside and see she’d fallen asleep in front of the TV. He put one foot on the stairs before guilt washed over him.

"Mum?" he whispered, entering the living room which was more than he usually dared to do. He turned the TV off before gently shaking her hand.

"Mm?"

“I’m home, Mum. You can go to bed, now.”

Anne blinked her eyes open, yawning and eyeing her son curiously.

“You been drinking, Harry?”

“Not much, Mum. I was only at Niall’s. It’s not midnight yet, I’m not home late…”

"Darling," Anne said, sitting up straighter and rubbing her eyes, "If you have drinks at Niall's I'd really rather you stay the night with him."

"Really?" he replied, surprised.

“I’d rather you don’t walk home with you inhibitions lowered.”

Harry blinked at his mother as she stood to her feet and he took her arm, wrapping it around his waist.

"Okay. Love you, Mum."

"Love you too, H."

When Harry got into his room, he threw himself down on his bed, sighing in relief.

**_H:_ ** _ made it!!!!!!!!  _

**_Louis_ ** _ : you're alive!!! _

**_H:_ ** _ i love my mum _

**_Louis:_ ** _ good babe! _

**_H:_ ** _ in bed now! _

**_H:_ ** _ thinkin about you _

**_H:_ ** _ well obviously im talking to you LOL _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Haha, go to sleep Haz, chat in the morning x _

**_H:_ ** _  ok :) night lou xxxxxxxxxxxx _

_ ➢ _

**_H:_ ** _ Hungover. _

**_H:_ ** _ My mum was cool last night. Said if I drink at Niall's I should stay at his. Reckon asking her to do me a fry-up on account of my hangover might be taking the piss? _

He decided to do the fry-up himself and, as a gesture, make some for his Mum, too. He put the plates on the table, pulling his phone out to no new messages. He chewed the inside of his cheek.

**_H:_ ** _ Hope I didn't embarrass myself last night Lou x _

"I love it when you cook." Anne winked at him. "I'm thinking of adding it as an official chore so you have to cook more."

"I'll cook more, Mum. When I'm on study leave."

Anne smiled and he smiled back, sitting down opposite her. He thought about the fact he'd likely be leaving in two years for uni. His mum would be all alone, kids both flown the nest, only the cats for company. She deserved the peace and quiet, anyway.

**_Louis:_ ** _ sorry! was playing football. Excellent news about your mum she sounds ace! up to anything cool today? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ didn't embarrass yourself in the slightest love x _

**_H_ ** _ : PHEW. Up to nothing. I should study but I really can't face it. Gonna be on study leave in like 3wks or something _

**_Louis:_ ** _ yeah, don't burn yourself out babe _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm babysitting my twin sisters. If I have to watch one more episode of icarly i'll tear my hair out _

**_H:_ ** _ HAHAHA bad luck lou! So you're gonna be free to chat to meee all day :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ a perfect saturday! _

_ ➢ _

Walking around Sainsbury’s with his nose in his phone without crashing into anything was a feat, but Harry was getting pretty good at it by now.

**_Louis:_ ** _ So haz. can I ask you a question? _

**_H:_ ** _ Just did. :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ fuck off LOL _

**_Louis:_ ** _ are there many gay people in knutsford? _

**_H:_ ** _ nope, not really any kind of gay community around here. Close to manchester obv, haven’t ventured out yet though _

**_Louis:_ ** _ that's a shame love _

**_H:_ ** _ don't feel bad for me I did kiss a boy _

**_Louis:_ ** _ yeah? recently?? _

**_H:_ ** _ last year. my mate niall had some friends visiting from ireland, it was one of them, straight as they come apparently. I beg to differ but whatever :P _

**_Louis:_ ** _ lol! How was it? _

**_H:_ ** _ a bit wet and sloppy but it was amazing, and he was sooo into it whatever niall says _

**_H:_ ** _ dunno, it was just so much fun to kiss a boy _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm glad H!  You gonna try and meet some people then? _

**_H:_ ** _ Dunno if I'm ready to get out there really. It's scary _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I know. I've met people and stuff but I'm not really brave enough to frequent the scene or anything _

**_Louis_ ** _ : it's just so much easier online, innit?! _

**_H:_ ** _ yeah. :) lol think I'll stick to chatting to the likes of you for now _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm kinda glad cos I think i'd get jealous ;) _

Harry's face broke out into a grin, trying to stifle it as best he could as he walked around Sainsbury's with his mum, phoning in generic responses to her chatter.

**_H:_ ** _  really :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah. Think I might have a bit of a crush on you _

"I'm gonna go for a wee, I'll catch you up," Harry told his mum, dashing off in the direction of the checkouts, finding the gents and locking himself in a cubicle. He finally allowed himself to grin as widely as he wanted, mouth nearly splitting his face in half.

**_Louis:_ ** _ sorry if I freaked you out _

**_H:_ ** _ no not at all _

**_H:_ ** _ i like it :) But you don't even know what i look like Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Excuse me Harry I'm not shallow! lol i just like you for you ok _

**_H:_ ** _ i had a crush on you first _

**_Louis:_ ** _ no you didn't!! _

**_H:_ ** _ ;) _

**_Louis_ ** _ : does this mean I can stop worrying about you thinking i'm weird or creepy??? _

**_H_ ** _ : ? _

**_H:_ ** _ lol why would i think that lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ dunno. I'm a bit older than you and you're newly out and it must be nerve wracking to come and meet people online like you did… some older guy starts chatting you up, it might’ve freaked you out _

**_H:_ ** _ LOL you never chatted me up, i wish _

**_H:_ ** _ and stop acting like you're like 10yrs older 2 years is nothing. You officially can stop worrying about me thinking you're a creep ok _

**_Mummy:_ ** _ Are you ill?? _

Harry swore under his breath, flushing the toilet out of instinct and leaving the cubicle to wash his hands. He stared at his reflection; he wondered if Louis chose his picture to use because he thought he was good looking. Hot, even. He chewed on his bottom lip, rolling his eyes at himself and pushing his way out of the toilets to go and find his mum.

➢

**_Louis_ ** _ : so I have a very important question for you! do you sleep naked :) _

**_H:_ ** _ lol yeah i do. i'm always naked i'm not actually a fan of clothes _

**_Louis_ ** _ : you're only just telling me this now? how many times have you been talking to me while naked? _

**_H_ ** _ : probably anytime I was at home. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ oh my god _

**_Louis:_ ** _ ok we need to change the subject _

**_Louis:_ ** _ just to clarify. you're in bed so you're naked right now _

**_H:_ ** _ LOL... yup _

**_Louis_ ** _ : fucking hell. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ CHANGE OF SUBJECT. How’s the cats? _

**_H:_ ** _ Lmao louis! _

That night was the first time Harry wanked over Louis. Which... it was weird. Like  _ weird _ . He had no fucking clue what Louis looked like, literally not one single clue. He tried to come up with some non-image of him, but to be honest, Harry was so habitually horny, Louis' words were enough. It was a thrill to know that the thought of him being naked was a turn-on for Louis and he got off simply on that.

When he awoke the next morning, Harry thought about Louis using his pictures and, if he  _ did _ think Harry was attractive... had he got himself off looking at Harry’s photo?

And that was the second time Harry wanked off over Louis.

➢

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'M ON STUDY LEAVE. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I've actually pretty much left school now _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'M A GROWN UP AAAAAAAAH! I'm about to be unleashed into the big bad world _

**_H_ ** _ : hahahahaha I'm jealous! one week and I'll be free too _

**_H:_ ** _ and i'm sooo jealous you're taking a gap year _

Niall was going on about some girl from school as they walked home. Harry got impatient when Niall talked about girls. Their friend, Jess, had a crush on Niall and he was pretty sure Niall was fully aware. Jess also happened to be Harry’s ex-girlfriend, which complicated the situation somewhat. It didn’t need to, but Niall could be infuriating sometimes. 

“...And she’s having a party on Saturday, so you should come.”

“What for?” Harry asked flatly. “Come on, you know I never enjoy these parties. Everyone gets drunk off cheap, nasty beer and starts snogging each other. I’m always left out, there’s not exactly anyone for me to snog, is there?”

“You’ve snogged a straight bloke before, just do that again.” Niall turned and slapped Harry on the chest. 

Harry tilted his head and raised his eyebrows at Niall. “Shut up, Niall. And anyway, Doug is not straight, I promise you. Mark my words.”

Niall scoffed, clutching at the straps of his backpack. “Will you come if I promise to snog you?”

“Now I’m  _ definitely _ not coming!” Harry replied with mild horror.

➢

Saturday rolled around and Harry had an interview at the bakery. It went fairly well, he reckoned, and decided to treat himself to a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and a film. So maybe he was a boring sixteen year old, but he absolutely wasn’t interested in the party.

**_Louis:_ ** _ should've taken a leaf out of your book and stayed home _

**_Louis:_ ** _ not only is the girl who fancies me here, a guy I once snogged is here _

**_Louis:_ ** _ he's basically the only gay guy in my school which is basically how I ended up snogging him and he's such a dick _

**_H:_ ** _ want me to come over and beat him up? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ YES! Then I can snog you instead ;) _

Harry bit his thumb, trying to stifle a smile.

**_H:_ ** _ Aw I would if I could :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ awww hehe  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ alright I'm leaving this bloody party _

**_H:_ ** _ won't your friends be upset? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Stan disappeared with Hannah somewhere and the others are so stoned they don't even know I'm here _

**_Louis:_ ** _ anyway I'm that arsehole sitting in the corner on his phone all night ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ should've stayed home and watched love actually with you _

**_H:_ ** _ yeah, I'm living the sweet life. Emma Thompson made a papier mache lobster head. _

**_H:_ ** _ I'm gonna cry when she listens to joni mitchell i always do _

**_Louis:_ ** _ you big softie _

**_H:_ ** _ I am, to be fair _

Harry paused the DVD, going into the kitchen to put the ice cream away. He burped, feeling sick from having eaten two-thirds of the tub. As he walked back into the living room, the front door opened and Anne came in.

"Hi, Mum. Good night?"

"Yeah not bad," Anne said, kissing him on the cheek. "What are you up to?"

"Just watching a DVD."

"Okay, love. I'm gonna get in the bath."

Harry smiled, watching until his mum started up the stairs. He grabbed his phone.

**_Louis:_ ** _ right, I'm on my way home, didn't even say bye to anyone i just slipped out lol _

**_Louis:_ ** _ why did i even agree to go _

**_H:_ ** _ lol cos you're a good friend lou. Except maybe the not saying bye thing _

**_Louis:_ ** _ If i tried to find all those bastards god knows what i might've walked in on _

**_H:_ ** _ you home yet?? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ no!! I'm gonna stop off and get some chicken and chips _

**_H:_ ** _ that's not fair, nothing here is open this late _

**_Louis:_ ** _ another reason you should move to donny ;) _

_ ➢ _

Harry was sitting in the park, deep in thought. It was high time, he reckoned, to ditch Patrick Star. He changed his Kik picture to Mick Jagger and it seemed to give Louis a fright.

**_Louis:_ ** _ God when I saw you’d changed your picture to a person I thought it was gonna be you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Got a surprise when I opened it haha _

**_H:_ ** _ I can't be patrick forever _

**_Louis:_ ** _ this is all an elaborate ruse isn't it? you actually ARE mick jagger. Hiding your identity in plain sight. _

**_H:_ ** _ yes. mick jagger spends his free time talking to teenagers on kik _

**_Louis_ ** _ : OI!!! what's that supposed to mean? and I don't like the plural on that young harold _

**_H:_ ** _ omg LOL it's just harry, my name is definitely not harold _

**_Louis:_ ** _ well i like it. ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Sooo... ARE you talking to anyone else? I don't mind just wondering _

**_H:_ ** _ Nope. Not even been on the chat room in ages _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I see _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Me neither :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Anyway I'll miss Patrick. Send me the pic? _

Harry smiled as he found the picture on his phone; Patrick Star with a piece of wood nailed to his head with a hammer in his hand. He really had picked it basically at random, but he felt rather attached to it. He pressed send, a small smile on his face.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Thanks!  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Saving it just in case it's the only pic you ever send me of your wood ;) _

Harry blushed violently, quickly hiding his phone screen in his chest and glancing around him. He was at the park with some people from school, watching Niall play football with some of the boys. The girls were chattering away to each other a few feet away.

**_H:_ ** _ HAHAHA OMG LOU _

Harry shifted himself to hide the semi that was growing in his pants. He bit down on his knuckle to stop his grin.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Sorry, sorry :P _

**_H_ ** _ : Don't say things like that when I'm out LOL I've gone so red _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Let me know when you get home and I'll make you blush some more :) _

Harry tried not to groan, quickly putting his phone away in his pocket. He left it there for the rest of the afternoon, too shy to check it. He walked Niall home before making the five minute walk back to his own house just in time for dinner.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Sorry if I freaked you out! _

**_H:_ ** _ Not at all Lou! Didn't trust myself enough to continue the conversation lol _

**_H:_ ** _ I was already getting a bit worked up _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Oh really :) _

**_H:_ ** _ Msg you in a bit. Dinner. _

Harry suffered through fifteen minutes of his mother talking at him about Gemma’s achievements at university. When he’d finished and cleared the table, he ran up to his room and pulled his phone out, swallowing thickly.

The thing was, he was  _ constantly _ horny. He’d even contemplated - but not carried out, unlike a certain Irish friend of his - a wank in the toilets at school on more than one occasion. And that had been  _ before, _ without the provocation of having Louis texting him constantly. It was torture. Agony.

**_H_ ** _ : Do you think if we knew each other in real life we'd have kissed by now? _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Definitely love. We'd be snogging all the time and I'd probably squeeze your bum all the time too _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Cuddle you loads as well. Feed you some grapes and maybe a banana to poorly express my sexual frustration ;) _

Harry laughed out loud, and started to grow hard yet again. He sighed, unzipping his jeans and groping himself through his boxers with his left hand, typing with his right.

**_H:_ ** _ That works out nicely, I love bananas. _

**_H:_ ** _ brb _

Harry quickly sorted himself out, biting down on his duvet to muffle his moans, wiping his hand on his boxers before picking up his phone once again.

**_H:_ ** _ okay I'm back _

**_Louis:_ ** _ And what were you doing, Pinky??? _

Harry giggled softly to himself, knowing his whole face was bright red.

**_H:_ ** _ Ugh LOL It’s your fault! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Really fancy a banana now :) _

_ ➢ _

Harry got the job at the bakery. He’d work there at the weekends, and probably during the week too once they were on summer holidays. Study leave started in a week, so Harry was looking forward to having a job, something to focus on other than textbooks. He popped in after school on Tuesday to have a chat and a bit of training, being sent home afterwards with bags of leftover baked goods.

It was as if Niall had smelled the food when Harry walked past his house; he turned up at Harry’s just in time for dinner. He’d practically become a staple in the house over the years, particularly after Harry came out to his Mum and Anne had been endlessly grateful to Niall for being there for him.

Niall was completely enraptured by the bread and cakes he stuffed his face with and when he eventually went home, Anne sent him away with a goodie bag full of baked goods for his family to enjoy.

“Harry, I’ll get fat if you bring food home from work all the time.”

“Mum, neither of us will get chance to overeat. Not with Niall down the road.”

“True,” Anne laughed. “Oh, Harry, Gemma’s coming home for the summer and she’s been seeing someone.”

“Oh, yeah?” Harry looked at his mother who was grinning conspiratorially. 

“She’s going to bring him round to meet us at some point.”

Harry laughed and on the inside he was cringing. He knew his mum would slyly interrogate the bloke. Never openly of course, he'd have no idea until it was too late. She was a disarming sort of person, peeling away your top layer before jabbing away at the very centre of your being until she either broke you or took you under her wing. It was terrifying and fascinating.

"Be nice," was all Harry said, grinning back at her.

➢

Harry and Louis made a pact for study leave: between 10am and 1pm they weren't allowed to message each other. They gave themselves an hour for lunch, and then 2pm to 5pm they were back to no talking. This plan was drawn up by Louis and much argued by Harry who eventually relented, knowing he needed to study as much as he could and needed to lead Niall in the right direction, too. 

Niall worked hard, but he played hard too and didn't always find the right balance. He'd do well, of course, but Harry knew it was important for the both of them to push for the best GCSEs they could possibly get. Some days they got together to study the subjects they shared, sometimes they'd study solo and sometimes they'd get some other friends round and study as a group. There were some revision classes going on up at school too and Harry was attending a few of those.

**_H:_ ** _ MY BRAIN HURTS _

**_H_ ** _ : I NEED A CUDDLE but I'll settle for a virtual one. Hint hint :) _

**_H_ ** _ : Come on it's 4.58!!!!! _

**_H:_ ** _ Miss you! _

**_H:_ ** _ Loooouuuuiiiissssssss _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Haaazzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaa _

**_Louis_ ** _ : I can't wait to get these bloody exams done _

**_Louis_ ** _ : My mum's taking me off revision tomorrow to drag me to Sheffield to go shopping. Think I'd rather revise tbh _

**_H:_ ** _ I wanna come :( I thought study leave was gonna be fun lol _

Harry hated their pact. He could barely concentrate, he kept thinking about Louis. However, the knowledge that Louis wouldn't respond even if he did Kik him helped somewhat. When he was with Niall he made Niall pocket his phone. Okay, so he had it bad. He knew. 

His first exam rolled around quickly - English language. He actually didn't mind the exam part itself. He liked having no distractions, and the delicious concept that once the exam was over, he could go home. After weeks and weeks of studying and preparation, the actual exam was a relief to get out of the way and when they were dismissed, he waited just outside the hall for Niall to come out.

"How'd it go?!"

"Fine." Niall sighed. "I just hope they can read my handwriting."

"It's their job," Harry said, waving a hand dismissively. "Wanna come round for lunch?"

"It's only eleven."

"Yeah, but all that thinking has made me ravenous."

"Yeah, and wordy."

"I have cake?" Harry smiled sweetly.

"You've won me over."

➢

They sat out on the grass of Harry's garden with a lunch of crusty ham and cheese rolls and slightly stale victoria sponge, which still tasted incredible. Close to midday, the sun blazed down on them and both boys were content. First exam down, the beginning of the end for year 11 and compulsory education.

"It's mad." Niall sighed. "In just over a month we could easily leave school forever, get full time jobs, and basically live as adults."

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek, contemplating this.

"I'm not ready to be an adult," he said. "I don't even know how to read the washing machine tags in my clothes."

"Your Mum doesn't still do your washing?!"

"No, but I just wash everything on 40 degrees and hope for the best."

Niall snorted in amusement as Harry pulled his phone from his pocket.

**_Louis_ ** _ : How'd it go pinky?! _

**_H_ ** _ : GOOD. I hope. It's not 1pm yet why are you on your phone ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I couldn't wait to hear how my boy's exam went could I x _

Harry felt Niall’s eyes burning into him as he couldn’t help but grin down at his phone.

"I'm actually getting jealous."

"Of Louis?" Harry grinned. "Sorry, am I not paying enough attention to you?"

"Of you!" Niall said. "I'm so bored of being single. I'm jealous you've got yourself a boyfriend."

"Don't be jealous, Ni." Harry sighed. "First of all, he's not my boyfriend. Second of all, would you really want a girlfriend you've never met? Can't kiss, touch, have any kind of-"

"Alright, fair point." Niall nodded. "Must be hard."

Harry turned his head to look at Niall, smirk spreading across his face.

"Exactly!" He nodded, grinning. "It's  _ always _ hard. Really hard, like rock hard,  _ painfully _ hard, in fact I can't keep up with my own fucking dick-"

"Harry!" Niall laughed, pulling a face. "I don't need to hear your dick tales."

"Honestly, Niall. These days, just assume I'm always a little bit hard at all times."

Niall scrunched his face up in disgust. “I’m going home.”

“Nooo!” Harry laughed, laying back against the grass and rolling around a bit, giggling and tugging on Niall's arm, holding the boy down as he tried to stand up, protesting and calling Harry names.

"Piss off! Listen," Niall said, his laughter dying down as he finally managed to climb to his feet. “Just be careful. Don't go sending him dick pics, just in case he is a weirdo after all."

"Go, if you're going," Harry smirked as he stood, brushing his bum off and walking Niall to the front door.

➢

Louis had his first exam the next day and they both started to get pretty busy. Harry often had two exams on the same day, becoming stressed in anticipation of his maths one in particular. He couldn't even have a lie in on Saturday, having to be at work by 6am. He finally got to turn his alarm off for Sunday.

"Harry, time to get up!"

Harry vowed to start looking for his own place as soon as he got out of bed. His £50 week wage was enough for that, right?!

"Come on," Anne said, pushing into his room and folding her arms, raising her eyebrows looking at him unimpressed. "It's nearly eleven."

"Where's the fire? I'm tired, I'm a growing boy."

"It’s funny how you say you want to be treated like an adult,” Anne said impatiently, “but you still behave like a child.”

Harry groaned loudly and Anne sighed.

"You're not spending the day in bed. I want you to help me in the garden today. I'll go and make you a cup of tea while you get up."

Harry glared at the door as his mum closed it behind her, reaching for his phone.

**_H:_ ** _ I JUST woke up! Sleep well love? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Morning pinky. No haha I couldn't sleep it was too hot! My desk fan packed up, I need a new one _

**_H:_ ** _ I'm tired too. We should take a nap together later! My mum is making me help in the garden :( _

When he heard Anne padding back up the stairs, he leapt out of bed, slipping a thin dressing gown on and pulling his door open to head downstairs.

➢

When he'd proved his worth in the garden, his mum sent him out to get them both ice creams and they sat in the garden, admiring their work and tucking into their Cornettos.

"Everything going okay at school?"

"Yeah, I mean I'm glad to not be in classes though. Kinda miss it a bit in some ways."

His mother looked at him, sunglasses hiding her eyes but still putting across an air of suspicion.

"Everything okay with your friends?"

"What's up, Mum?" Harry said, rolling his eyes fondly. "What are you really asking?"

"Nothing! Nothing." She shrugged, biting a bit of chocolate from her cone. "You've just been a bit different recently. Distant, even."

"Oh, um..." Harry pouted, feigning ignorance. "Probably just- exams, and all that. Stress, you know."

"Hm,” Anne replied, looking unconvinced.

The thing was, Harry always told his mum everything. Mostly. But he just couldn't tell her  _ this _ . She'd worry about him and be really unhappy with him talking to a stranger, no less losing his heart to said stranger. 

And then of course there was the fact Louis was using his pictures. Christ, Harry was crazy, wasn't he? He barely even thought about it anymore, especially since he didn’t have to look at a picture of himself every time they chatted.

When Harry pulled his phone from his pocket and saw several messages from Louis, his heart fluttered. Yes, he’d become attached to Louis but actually, they were attached to each other. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ So I'm walking down the street to pick up my sister from dancing and I bump into that girl who fancies me. So she slides up to me and links her arm in mine and starts chatting about whatever. And I'm thinking to myself, I need to let her down gently, so I turn to her and say, look love, you seem nice but I'm gay!!! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ She just kinda smirked at me and shrugged. SHRUGGED! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I bloody give up! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm being harassed!!! She tried to dance with me once at a party she had her hands on my hips and everything. I had to grab my mate stan and dance with him to fend her off but it wasn't effective if I'm honest cos stan is straight _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I need to get out of donny lol _

Harry grinned to himself. He loved hearing Louis’ stories, and even the mundane was intriguing to him. The idea that Louis was out there somewhere, eating and breathing and living was something that Harry struggled to grasp sometimes.

**_H:_ ** _ Haha oh lou! _

**_H:_ ** _ Well you could be looking forward to uni but YOU decided to take a gap year ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Ahhhh I know lol _

**_H:_ ** _ My mum's been asking me what's up _

**_H:_ ** _ She said I'm acting different :) _

He made a mental note to ask Niall if he really was acting differently. He  _ did _ feel different. He had butterflies in his tummy. He couldn't concentrate. He was even hornier than usual. He was in the absolute depths of a crush on some dude who he'd never met. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ Tell her you smoked your first spliff and you've been high for 2 weeks _

**_H:_ ** _ LOL because that won't cause more problems than it will solve _

**_H:_ ** _ Dick _

_ ➢ _

Niall was no help at all, just telling Harry he was in love with a pervert. Harry was just glad he could concentrate enough to do his exams, and he'd finished most of his by the time Louis had completed his own.

Louis was officially free from the grips of school and he started to apply for jobs, which was weird for Harry who, even though he had his own job, was just wrapping up his GCSEs and it made him feel like Louis was so much more grown up. When Louis turned 19, Harry would still be 16 for a little bit and that was simultaneously weird and thrilling to him. And even though Niall was still going on about Louis probably being 47, he seemed to be impressed.

"Yeah, Harry's boyfriend is eighteen," Niall was telling a group of students as Harry approached, waiting to go into their Business Studies exam. "Lives in Doncaster. Poor Harry. It's not easy, the long distance thing, but they make it work."

Harry managed to catch Niall's eye, shooting him a warning look. Niall just nodded back, winking. Harry rolled his eyes.

"He's taking a gap year," Niall added.

The girls looked thoroughly impressed. Everybody was used to the fact that Harry was gay by now, but a lot of the boys didn’t know how to react to it. The ones that weren’t homophobes, that was.

"I don't believe you."

"Yeah but no one cares what you think, Rich," Jess piped up. 

"Who'd wanna go out with him?!"

"I went out with him in year 10."

"Well done, now he's gay."

Harry snorted a laugh, shaking his head and smirking. He wrapped his arms around Jess' waist from behind, dropping his chin to her shoulder and smiling sweetly at Rich.

"It’s funny; I'm gay, and I've still had more girlfriends than you."

"What did you-"

The hall was opened by Harry’s Business Studies teacher and they were ushered into the hall for their exam.

"You're dead," Harry whispered to Niall as he passed him. 

➢

Apparently, when Louis had finished his GCSE exams, he and his classmates all went to the pub. There was no such luck for Harry and his friends. Holmes Chapel was small enough that there was no way a bunch of sixteen year olds - fifteen, for some of them - would get away with being served. Everybody knew everybody which sucked at times like this.

It was pouring with rain when they left their last exam but Harry felt bright as if the sun was shining. He draped an arm around Niall's shoulder, his friend squirming under his embrace as they walked out into the rain.

"We're free agents until September!" Harry said excitedly. 

"You're a working man now, Harry," Niall reminded him. "You don't get freedom. You don't get the fun summer the rest of us get."

"Excuse me, Niall!" Harry smirked. "I'm learning how to bake the best bread ever, I get to chat to loads of customers, all the old ladies flirt with me, and I'm earning six quid an hour for the privilege."

"Am I supposed to be jealous?"

"You're supposed to encourage me to be the best baker I can be, Niall. Be supportive. And be grateful for all the leftover stuff I bring you."

"You're right. I love you."

It was only a week until Niall was leaving for Ireland - he’d be back just in time for the start of Sixth Form in September - and Harry was dreading it. Niall had been his only outlet to talk about Louis, and he supposed he’d have to tell Jess all about it or he’d go mad.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Maybe you should be a baker! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'd get so fat if we knew each other in real life coz I'd be popping in all the time as an excuse to see you ;) _

**_H:_ ** _ Awww hehe yeah I'd slip you freebies all the time _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Would you now _

**_Louis_ ** _ : I'm biting my tongue here love _

**_H:_ ** _ Lol what _

**_Louis_ ** _ : I was trying to resist saying that there’s something else you could slip me... _

**_Louis_ ** _ : But I won't say it because I'm a gentleman. _

**_H:_ ** _ Hmm LOL you're not helping me _

**_H:_ ** _ But good to know you're a gentleman _

Harry grinned, arriving home and slamming the door shut behind him. He ignored the problem tenting his school trousers; he'd learned he had to ignore it the best he could sometimes, otherwise he'd never get anything done. He needed to  _ try _ because now that he was talking to Louis it had become a real, constant problem. And he swore Louis was doing it on purpose.

**_H:_ ** _ Can I ask you something Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Go on love _

**_H:_ ** _ Tell me to mind my own business if you want _

**_H:_ ** _ You said before you've met people but you don’t really go out on the scene _

Harry wasn’t really sure how to phrase his question, typing and deleting several versions before settling on-

**_H:_ ** _ I just wondered _

**_H:_ ** _ Like how far you went _

**_H:_ ** _ You don't have to answer _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Are you asking if I'm a virgin? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No. But I've only done it 3 times, 2 different guys _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I slept with my ex gf twice too  _

**_H:_ ** _ Oh _

**_H:_ ** _ Was one of them that guy from school? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Nooo. We only snogged _

**_Louis:_ ** _ The first one was my friend's brother… last year... He was 19... nice guy, bit dim _

**_Louis:_ ** _ The other guy I was seeing for about 2 months. He was older too but wasn't as nice _

**_H:_ ** _ Really? What happened _

**_Louis:_ ** _ He wasn't horrible but…  just a bit insensitive. Physically and emotionally. He was fucking fit though lol _

**_Louis_ ** _ : It was ages before we slept together. We did other stuff for like the first month and then we finally had sex and it was crap? It hurt a lot and he wouldn't accept that it was his fault. I think he was a bit cocky whereas my first time was ok coz Michael went slow and checked if I was ok all the time and didn't act like he knew everything _

**_H:_ ** _ Sorry Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Oh it's ok, was just glad Michael was my first and not Tom :/ _

**_Louis:_ ** _ We tried again a few weeks later but it was crap too so I ended it because he was basically just being a dick _

**_Louis:_ ** _ So I swore off sex for a while lol that's what I tell myself anyway _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Would I be right in assuming you're a virgin? Only because you've just come out and said you kissed a boy and you've not really met people _

**_H:_ ** _ Yeah. Did some stuff with a girl but that's it _

**_H:_ ** _ Completely inexperienced lol _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Plenty of time love don't worry :) _

Harry poured himself a glass of water from the tap and went outside to the garden. He sighed, throwing himself down on the grass.

He wondered when he'd meet the person he'd lose his virginity to. University? An outsider joining his sixth form? The older lad from Doncaster he'd been talking to for a couple of months? He rolled his bottom lip between his forefinger and thumb, rolling his eyes at himself because he knew that was ridiculously unlikely.

**_H_ ** _ : Louis when will I stop being CONSTANTLY horny? I'll grow out of it soon?? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I don’t know LOL I mean, boners get easier to control lol _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You learn to live with it I suppose _

Harry groaned, contemplating going up to his room to bash one out. He decided against it.

**_H:_ ** _ Thanks lol let's stop talking about it though cos it doesn't help _

_ ➢ _

Niall left for Ireland and Harry felt like he was missing a limb. He never realised until Niall was gone quite how much he relied on him. 

"Hiya!" Jess said, bounding into the bakery. 

Jess was one of Harry's favourite people. She was almost as tall as him, long dark hair with a thick fringe, and very mischievous eyes. She'd developed very quickly over the course of year 11 and the boys had all suddenly started to notice her. 

Of course, she was secretly in love with Niall, so she was completely uninterested in the others.

“Hi.”

"Niall said something about free cake,” Jess said, a glint in her eye.

"After my shift, Jess, not during," Harry grinned. 

"Hey, could you get a day off? We're thinking of going to Alton Towers before the summer holidays start."

"Probably, yeah. When?"

"Next week?"

"I'm working Monday and Thursday, but I'm free any other day."

"Amazing!" She widened her eyes as she leaned an elbow on the counter. 

"Just don't forget I hate rollercoasters, so don't even think about dragging me on any big rides."

"We’ll see." She smirked. "Heard from Niall?"

"He Whatsapped me to say he landed but I suppose he's just having so much Irish fun he's forgotten about his inferior English friends."

"Excuse me, I'm half Italian." Jess glared.

Harry rolled his eyes, stepping to the till to serve Mrs. Evans some iced buns. Luckily, due to the presence of Jess, she didn't stick around for too long to talk about her son and how well he was doing at medical school like she did every other time she came in.

"So," Jess said, staring at Harry pointedly. "How come you never told me you had a boyfriend?"

"Shh!" Harry urged, nervously eyeing Mrs. Evans as she left the shop. "I don't."

"Niall was lying?"

"He was just..." Harry sighed. "Embellishing."

Jess cocked an eyebrow.

"Okay, look, there is someone. But he's not my boyfriend."

Jess stared at him expectantly. Harry wasn’t sure he’d say she was  _ nosy _ exactly, but she’d certainly always felt entitled to know Harry’s business. Harry didn’t actually mind much.

She yawned, turning to look out of the window at the passing cars when it was clear Harry wouldn't be elaborating. She would turn sixteen in the middle of August, one of the youngest in their year. Niall would still be in Ireland and he knew she was upset about it, even if she didn't say it.

"You wanna come for dinner tonight?" Harry asked.

She turned back to him.

"Will your Mum be okay with that?"

"Someone's gotta eat us out of house and home while Niall's away."

➢

**_Louis:_ ** _ So should I be jealous you're with your ex ;) _

**_H:_ ** _ Lol not when it's an ex with boobs _

Harry pressed FaceTime for Niall and he and Jess huddled on his bed, getting both their faces in shot. Niall answered and cheered.

"Hey!" he cried.

"Hi! How's Ireland?" Harry beamed.

"It's good to be home." Niall sighed. "What are you two up to?"

"Just had dinner and about to watch a film," Harry said. "We're going to Alton Towers next week."

"What?!" Niall groaned. "That's so unfair."

“Serves you right.”

"Dick. What film ya gonna watch?"

"Jess wants to watch Paranormal Activity."

"Oh my God, no!" Jess whined. 

"Don’t," Niall said. "She'll shit herself."

“Niall!” she whined, embarrassed.

"We'll probably watch Ghost or something,” Harry said. 

Fifteen minutes later, they said their goodbyes to Niall and hung up. They did end up putting Ghost on and Jess grabbed a pillow, lying on her front with her face near the screen. She was wearing shorts and Harry couldn't help but habitually glance down at her legs and bum. 

He felt a sort of dull, residual attraction. Once upon a time, he remembered with a slight blush, they'd snogged on this same bed, eventually having their first sexual experiences together. She'd given him a handjob and he'd come in about thirty seconds. That seemed  _ mad _ to him, now. The thought that he’d been attracted to her felt alien, and he’d soon realised he’d been kidding himself. That weak attraction had faded but he still loved her and he always would.

"I don't get the Patrick Swayze thing," she said, knocking him out of his daze. He laid on his front next to her. "Do you?"

"No, not really."

**_H:_ ** _ We're watching ghost _

**_Louis:_ ** _ GET OFF MY TRAIN _

**_H:_ ** _ Hahahaha a classic _

**_H:_ ** _ We should watch a film together soon... like watch it at the same time _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Haha well that’s a bit weird. But sweet. I’m up for it :) _

"Here we go." Jess nudged Harry. "The pottery wheel's out."

➢

**_H:_ ** _ This app is terrifying! I keep getting randoms trying to talk to me _

**_H:_ ** _ Sending photos I don't dare open LOL probably porn bots _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Nooooo what?? That's so gross  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Is there another app we can use?? _

Harry stared at his phone, chewing the inside of his cheek. He took a deep breath.

**_H:_ ** _ Well... _

**_H:_ ** _ It's okay if you don't want to or you're not ready but… we could exchange numbers and use Whatsapp? _

It was a significant step, and it was the first time they'd exchanged something real. Harry was using his real first name, of course, but Harry had no way of knowing what of Louis was real. Still, he now had his phone number which had to count for something.

He didn't want to believe Louis was lying about anything apart from his pictures. At any rate, he trusted Louis enough to give him his phone number. He liked to think that he wasn’t making a poor judgement. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ Aaand onto whatsapp! So delete kik now please babe lol _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Unless you talk to anyone else of course lol _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Haha no it's gone!  _

Harry went looking through Louis' Whatsapp profile. His profile picture was of a football stadium and his status read, ' _ "It is what it is!" 43d 6h ago _ '

Harry had a sudden panic that his profile picture was of himself, since he actually did use Whatsapp all the time, but it was a photo from his trip to Paris with school last year, the sun setting over the Seine.

Harry was thrown into contemplation again. Harry had never sent a picture of himself to Louis. Louis had never sent a  _ real _ picture of himself to Harry. But as far as Louis was concerned, Harry thought he’d seen one picture of Louis. Complicated.

Harry pulled up his Facebook. He wondered what would happen when time went on and Louis realised he wouldn't be getting anymore pictures to steal - obviously Harry wouldn't be asking him for photos but would Louis panic? Worry about not having any more pictures to send to Harry?

It was crazy, but Harry didn't want that. He didn't want anything to shake Louis. If Louis wasn't comfortable enough to use his own photos, Harry didn't mind lending his image to him. As much as he desperately wanted to see what Louis looked like, he didn't want to embarrass or upset him.

He knew he'd lost the plot. Entirely. But he made a new Facebook photo album, titled  _ me _ and made it public. He put a few photos into it that didn't expose any of his friends, family, location or personality. He resolved to keep it updated with the occasional recent photo, with the sole intention of giving Louis some photos to send to him. Harry was officially in it for the long haul, now. This situation was ridiculous.

➢

**_Haz:_ ** _ Rita taught me how to ice cupcakes today _

**_Haz_ ** _ : I mean duh I already knew how lol but properly! She said I did really well, she's letting me ice all the cupcakes tomorrow :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Proud of you babe! Glad you're doing well at work :) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I have good job satisfaction lol. How's the job hunt going? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Ok. I have a couple of interviews next week _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yaaaaaaaaay _

**_Haz_ ** _ : Good luck lou you'll get one I know you will! _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Thanks :) what you up to love? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Just running a bath. I'm so achy _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I was gonna join the gym but the bakery is physically exhausting. Maybe when I go back to school _

**_Haz_ ** _ : Or maybe I’ll stick to swimming... get myself one of those swimmer bodies :P _

**_Louis_ ** _ : I'm listening. _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Ha ha!!  _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Good core strength with swimming too _

**_Haz:_ ** _ True :)  _

**_Louis_ ** _ : You in that bath yet? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Mhm :) if I go quiet it's because my muscles have relaxed so much that I've slipped under and drowned _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Don't say that lol who would even think to tell me? _

**_Haz_ ** _ : I'll let Niall know he needs to notify you if I die. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Thanks, imagine if I only met you for the first time at your funeral?? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ :/ firstly I'm not sure that counts as meeting, secondly can we move on it's getting a bit morbid _

**_Haz:_ ** _ In fact let me bathe in peace _

**_Louis:_ ** _ ok message me when you're out so I know you didn't drown x _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'll just sit here waiting... thinking of you... naked and soapy _

**_Haz:_ ** _ SHUT UP _

_ ➢ _

Harry towelled himself off, tying the towel round his waist and making the short walk to his room. He closed the door behind him, letting the towel drop to the floor and he sat on his bed. He ran his hand through his slightly damp curls, laying back on his pillow and picking up his phone.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I survived _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Thank god for that! You in your room? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yeah, just getting into bed, bit of TV before bedtime I think _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You still naked....? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Ha. Yup. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Nice! What a lovely image in my head _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Really :) How are you picturing me? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Dunno really... gorgeous.  _

**_Haz:_ ** _ What if you saw me and you didn't think I was gorgeous? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Babe, I fancy you like mad and I don’t have a clue what you look like, it's your personality I'm attracted to _

**_Louis:_ ** _ It's you so I'd find you gorgeous ok? :) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ :)) You're very lovely lou _

Louis was silent for a few minutes, and it unnerved Harry. His heart was feeling fuzzy, swelling under the lovely words. He sighed.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Are you in bed too? Naked?? :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yes and no but I'm about to be ;) _

**_Haz_ ** _ : God... _

Harry swallowed thickly, switching his phone to his left hand and sliding his right hand down to his cock. He started to stroke it loosely, sighing loudly and trying his best to focus on his phone screen.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Thinking bout you Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah? What you thinking? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Want your hands on me _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I wanna kiss you all over babe _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You touching yourself? _

Harry was slipping into a daze. He very nearly dropped his phone on his face, imagining phantom hands and lips grazing over his skin, his hot skin goosebumping. 

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yes _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Me too _

**_Louis_ ** _ : God I wish it were your hands touching me Harry _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Lips on my neck _

Harry's phone clattered to the floor, his left hand dropping to the side of the bed and he picked up speed, clumsily pumping his fist swiftly and opening his mouth in a silent scream, a moan gurgling at the back of his throat as he came on his stomach, audibly sighing in relief as he slowed his hand to a stop, panting with his eyes wide.

He retrieved his phone, blinking blearily at the screen that hadn't even dimmed yet.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Fuck H _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I say your name when I come _

Harry's cock twitched. He prayed for it to stay spent and limp.

**_Haz_ ** _ : Fuck you're incredible _

**_Haz_ ** _ : I came all over myself Lou _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Thinking about you _

Louis wasn't responding and Harry's heart was racing because he knew why. Louis was wanking over  _ him _ right at this moment, probably about to say  _ his _ name as he shoots his load. Harry groaned audibly, forcing himself to throw his phone down next to him, picking his towel up from the floor and wiping off his stomach. When his phone buzzed, he grabbed for it at comically lightning speed.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Fucking hell _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You’re amazing _

_ ➢ _

Harry was coasting through day-to-day life close to giddy. He finally told Jess the full story about Louis. She was sceptical, of course, and Harry understood that, but he felt like he and Louis had shared something special, something intimate - which was probably ridiculous since it was just a bit of wanking. No big deal. But by the way Louis was acting, Harry suspected he felt the same way. 

Louis continued applying for jobs. He didn't want anything too permanent, just wanting to earn a bit of money in his gap year. He told Harry that his other friends taking a gap year were going travelling. Louis was hoping to be stuck in an office for the year.

**_Louis_ ** _ : Can't wait to make some money _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Real money, not Toys R Us wage _

**_Haz_ ** _ : Hahaha I know!! Having money is so awesome. Especially now I'm working much more over the summer _

**_Haz_ ** _ : You nervous about your results? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yup lol. I'd be more nervous if I was banking on my results for uni _

**_Louis:_ ** _ So at least it's not a matter of urgency if I fail everything lol _

**_Haz:_ ** _ HEY you told me off for saying that lol. You're not gonna fail Lou. _

_ ➢ _

Louis didn't fail. He got two As and a B and he was ecstatic. Harry smiled as he read Louis' messages, hiding his phone in his work apron.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm SO relieved! I can apply for unis for next year :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Your turn in a week _

Harry's stomach churned uncomfortably. He was not looking forward to results day at all, and the fact Niall wouldn't be around made it so much worse. And what if Niall's marks weren't good enough to get into Sixth Form? Of course they  _ would _ be. But Harry told himself it was okay to be a bit irrational when it came to results day. 

Maybe Harry should drop out of education altogether and become a full time baker. Maybe he should move to Doncaster and-

"Hello!" The door slammed behind Jess and Harry smiled at her. "Oi, you'd tell me if my parents were throwing a surprise party for me, wouldn't you?"

"No."

"But you know I hate surprises! If you loved me, you'd support me."

"My fear of your Dad is bigger than my love for you.” Harry grinned. “Anyway, your parents know you hate surprises."

"If they throw a party and I found out you knew-"

"So what are we doing for your birthday? I have the day off, so..."

"I mean it, if there's a party..." She glared at him before sighing. "I dunno. Maybe swimming and then cinema?"

"Cool. Then I'm buying you dinner."

"Not gonna argue with that." She smiled to him. "Can't believe Niall's not gonna be here. Dickhead."

"Oh, please." Harry laughed, picking up the broom and sweeping behind the counter. "You wouldn't be able to cope with Niall in his swimming trunks."

"Harry!"

"All skinny and pasty white... laughing like a goat on crack..."

"Stop acting jealous," Jess shot back, grinning. "You lost me, Harry. Face it."

Harry snorted, grinning. "Get over it, Jess," He laughed, pulling his phone out of his apron.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Have a good day my love x _

_ ➢ _

Jess turned sixteen. She and Harry were having a lovely day and when they were at dinner, Niall rang her to say happy birthday. She blushed all through the call, with Harry making kissy faces at her from the other side of the phone.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Tell Jess happy birthday from me! You both had a good day? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yeah heading home now _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Went swimming today and decided I'm gonna start a routine on Monday. Gonna go for a swim every day... in the morning, or if I'm working I'll go afterwards _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Good for you!! I should exercise more. I play a lot of football though _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Kit and all? Little shorts? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah, and you know what, I don't mean to brag but I have an incredible arse, especially in my footie shorts ;) _

Harry walked Jess home. When they arrived at her front door, he pulled her into a hug.

"Bye, have a good night." He pulled away and smiled. "And enjoy your surprise party!"

"Shut  _ up, _ " she whined, grinning at him. "Thank you so much for the watch."

“Well, I’m a working man now, so…”

"Shut up!” she laughed. “Night." She squeezed his arm, going inside with a wave.

That night - even though Harry’s poor dick was sore - Louis told him to touch himself and so he did, the slight pain being worth it. He resolved that once he was back at school, he'd ease up on the wanking a bit. For crying out loud, he'd been talking to Louis for four months now, the novelty of him should be wearing off anytime now. Right?

Harry came on his stomach once again - Louis assuring him he did the same - and reached for the wet wipes he'd now stashed under his mattress. As he wiped himself off, catching his breath, he turned on his desk fan and starfished in the middle of his bed.

**_Louis:_ ** _ What you thinking about? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Just how lucky I am to have you in my life :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No you weren't, as if! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I was! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ *blushes* ok well the feeling is mutual :) _

_ ➢ _

Harry couldn't concentrate, an uneasy cramping feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. It was  _ tomorrow.  _ He'd given the wrong change twice, but luckily pretty much everyone knew that results day was  _ tomorrow _ and so they understood his anxiety.

His arms were achy from his morning swim and meticulously icing cupcakes for two hours afterwards. He stretched his shoulders out just as he saw his mum walking towards the shop through the window.

"Hello, darling.” Anne pushed through the door, grinning at her son. “I was in town so I thought I'd come by and say hi. Thought I'd pick up some cakes for Gemma and me."

"Okay, well, we have some victoria sponge, or lemon cupcakes that I iced myself...?"

"It'll have to be the cupcakes, then, won't it?"

Harry grinned, boxing up four cupcakes and passing them across the counter.

"You keeping busy?"

"No," Harry moaned. "I've swept the floor seven times. I've wiped down the surfaces so many times I choked on the cleaner fumes, and I tried to keep Mrs. Maguire in here talking but she just kept talking about exam results anyway."

"You should bring in a book for when it's quiet."

"I've done far too much reading these past few months," Harry mumbled.

"Well look, we'll see you tonight for dinner. Stop worrying."

Anne said her goodbyes and Harry watched her leave, alone once again. He sighed and turned towards the fan, letting his curls blow in the cool breeze.

**_Haz_ ** _ : It's bloody hot here _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Here too! I'm just laying on my bed naked, barely moving _

**_Haz_ ** _ : Louissssssssss I'm at work please don't give me these visuals _

**_Haz:_ ** _ How am I supposed to get that image out of my head now _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Sorry! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Actually, no I'm not. _

Harry glanced out the window before discreetly adjusting himself.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Go outside Lou. Get yourself a sexy tan _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Playing football in a bit with the lads! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ No fair. I wanna watch you run around in shorts :( _

Harry focused on watching people out in the street, going about their business mundanely, trying desperately not to imagine Louis naked on his bed, or Louis running around in shorts, or Louis in any kind of compromising position.

➢

When Harry awoke the next morning, it was to Jess laying down next to him on his bed.

"Mm, go away," Harry mumbled.

"Results day, Haz. Get up."

Harry turned over and glared at her through barely opened eyes. "You do realise I sleep naked."

Jess frowned in a very slight disgust. "Yeah, well, nothing I haven't seen before."

"Ugh, Jess." Harry pulled himself up into seating position. 

"Your mum's making your breakfast. Get up,” she said, standing up and walking to the door. 

Harry missed Niall. He’d never have dragged Harry so cruelly out of bed like this. 

Harry sent a quick _ good morning _ Whatsapp to Louis, jumped in the shower and twenty minutes later he was walking into his kitchen, fully dressed and not too sure whether or not he was too nervous to eat breakfast.

"Eat," Anne prompted as if she could read his mind. She probably could. God, Harry cringed at the thought, what with all the obscene thoughts he’d been having about Louis recently. Constantly.

He forced down a piece of toast and forced in a cup of tea before Jess dragged him out of the house.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Oh way my to school aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Let me know please babe x _

"I wonder how Niall did," Jess said, biting her nails. “He said he’ll ring as soon as his mum lets him know.”

Harry turned to smirk at her. "When did you speak to him?"

"Last night," she shrugged, going slightly red under Harry’s gaze. "What?"

"In bed?"

"Harry, shut up!"

"That's a yes,” Harry smirked.

Twenty minutes later, they were both standing in the forecourt, clutching envelopes.

"You go first."

"No!" Harry scoffed.

"Maybe we should open each other's."

Harry blinked at Jess for a second, before nodding and pushing his envelope into her hand and snatching hers, tearing it open immediately.

"Bitch."

"What?!" Jess cried.

"Three A stars and the rest As. I literally hate you."

Jess beamed, unfolded the piece of paper she'd pulled from Harry's envelope.

"Okay. Um-"

"Jess..."

"Um... 4 As! 3 Bs. The rest Cs."

Harry sighed heavily with relief and they swapped back, staring at their papers to see what grade was which subject. 

"Sick," Harry smiled quietly. He looked up at Jess who was making a phone call. Smirking, he pulled his own phone out.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I just about scraped through. Phew!!! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ So proud babe! Got what you needed? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ All A-C :) 4 As! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ AMAZING xxxxxxxxxxxx _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Well done love I knew you'd smash it! _

Harry was grinning stupidly, looking up at Jess who was smiling into her phone. She could've been on the phone to her mum or someone, but Harry suspected it was Niall. He rolled his eyes fondly.

➢

Niall hit all his predicted grades, more than enough to get into Sixth Form. The three of them were pleased with their results and Harry could finally relax, looking forward to starting Sixth Form. Free periods, a dress code instead of a uniform, and being allowed off-site for lunch. What more could he ask for? 

A week after results day, Harry was at home, watching TV and dozing off. He had a couple of days off work and wanted to spend today doing absolutely nothing while he still could. Niall was back tomorrow and they had plans, but today he wasn’t even prepared to get dressed.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Would you judge me if I had my 2nd maccy ds of the day? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Thought you said you wanted to get fit? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Hoped you wouldn't judge me :( _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Can I ask you a question babe? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yes _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Say no if you want, but, can I ring you later? _

Harry chewed his lip nervously and his heart beat wildly. This was a big step and he needed to think. 

He shouldn’t get in deeper with Louis. Should he? They were lying to each other. On the other hand, he  _ really _ liked Louis. The thought of talking to him, hearing his voice… it shot a huge thrill through him. He took a deep breath.

**_Haz_ ** _ : Ok _

**_Louis_ ** _ : It's ok to say no if you want H _

**_Louis:_ ** _ It's fine if you're not ready babe :) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Lol it's always gonna be weird. Wanna hear your voice :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Can I call now? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Argh lol. Yeah ok _

Harry stood up and ran straight up to his room. He wanted privacy for this. It was nerve wracking and important, and even though the house was empty he didn't want to risk being walked in on. 

His phone vibrated in his hand and he jumped. He stared at the display simply reading  _ Louis _ . He took a deep breath, pressing answer and holding the phone to his ear, taking a second to find his voice.

"Hello?" His mouth was unbelievably dry. He prayed Louis couldn’t hear the nerves in his voice.

_ "Hi!" _

"Louis."

_ "Harry! Your voice is deeper than I imagined." _

Louis' voice was... well. It was soft and light; husky, but not deep. His accent was prominent but not necessarily strong, and to be honest Harry found it pretty sexy. He was suddenly very shy.

_ "Is this weird?" _ Louis laughed. 

"Yeah, it is a bit." Harry bit his lip. "Um- how are you?"

_ "I'm good, yeah." _ He laughed again. 

"So… did you just want to chat or did you have something you wanted to say?"

_ "Just wanted to hear your voice," _ Louis sighed. _ "Which... is lovely, by the way." _

Harry listened to the lilting and rasping of Louis’ voice and chewed his lip thoughtfully, trying to work out if Louis sounded like an eighteen year old. It was difficult to tell, but his heart was leaning towards genuine _. _ He was falling for Louis. It was scary.

"I like yours, too," Harry finally answered a patient Louis. "Suits you."

_ "Thanks,"   _ Louis said _. "Tell me a story. So I can get used to your voice." _

"Oh, um-" Harry stuttered, laughing nervously. "I don't know what to say."

_ "You nervous, Haz?" _

"A bit," Harry confessed. "Fuck. Um, well... Niall's back from Ireland tomorrow."

_ "Oh yeah? Got any plans?" _

"Nothing concrete. Maybe some dinner, back to his for some cans."

_ "You know what, I think he's a bad influence on you. Encouraging my innocent little Hazza to drink." _

Harry barked a laugh. "No, no. I'm the one who started our drinking nights, actually."

_ "I see! Not so innocent then?" _

“Um, anyway,” Harry said quickly, laughing. “Hopefully Jess will come out with us, too.”

_ “So, what’s going on with those two, anyway?” _

“Dunno. Niall’s sticking his head in the sand a bit, I think, but they seem to be talking to each other behind my back. So who knows?”

_ “Oh, don’t have it, babe! Demand to know what’s going on!” _

Harry giggled, butterflies in his stomach going crazy. If there was anything better than hearing Louis say his name, it was hearing Louis call him  _ babe. _ God, it was lovely.  _ Louis _ was lovely.

➢

Now that Niall was back for the last week of summer, he, Harry, and Jess made the most of their last week of freedom. Harry embarrassed himself in the park when they played a bit of football, his clumsy limbs betraying him and throwing him to the ground too many times, and the three of them ate their weight in ice cream on more than one occasion. 

Sixth Form started next week, and Harry was coming to the end of his last shift before his work schedule went back down to just one day a week.

He locked the door of the bakery, flipping the sign to  _ closed _ before grabbing the broom and checking his phone quickly. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ OUT WITH THE LADS! Could be some drunk texting in a few hours… _

Harry grinned, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He started to sweep before seeing movement outside the shop; he looked up just in time to see Niall striding towards the door before crashing into it painfully. Harry burst into laughter, unlocking the door.

“What the hell’s the matter with you?”

"Why's it locked?" Niall asked indignantly, rubbing a sore elbow.

"I'm closed, you idiot."

"Oh. Hey, Jess isn't talking to me."

Harry sighed heavily. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Niall protested. "I was just telling her about a party I went to back home, and how-"

"What's her name?"

"How did you know-"

"You're a prat!" Harry sighed, exasperated. "Stop talking about girls in front of her."

“Harry-”

Harry just scoffed, grabbing the broom and sweeping debris into a pile near the door, opening it and sweeping the pile onto the pavement. Niall jumped up onto the counter, sulking and watching Harry.

"Okay, look," Harry propped the broom against the wall, leaning on the counter and looking up at Niall. "You know she likes you, Niall. I know you're not  _ that _ oblivious."

Niall shrugged petulantly. "I suppose so, I just..."

"You need to talk to her."

"No!"

"Ni, you're being ridiculous. If you're not interested, fine, but you need to tell her." Harry rolled his eyes. "Now, get out. I need to mop. I'll see you tomorrow."

Niall jumped down from the counter, giving Harry a dark look before leaving the shop.

➢

**_Louis:_ ** _ Miss you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Wanna hear your voice but I'm in this boring club. Oli's been turned down by 4 girls so far _

**_Louis:_ ** _ MAKE THAT FIVE!!! Shame!!! _

Harry laughed as he brushed his teeth, poking his head out of the bathroom and throwing his phone into his room. He finished getting ready for bed, turning his fan on and sighing. He was almost glad the summer was drawing to a close. He could barely sleep when it was muggy at night. He switched off the light and climbed into bed.

**_Haz_ ** _ : Well some of us are getting an early night! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Where's my invite _

**_Haz:_ ** _ You're far too busy! Ring me tomorrow? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Will do babe! Look forward to it xxx _

➢

"Hi, Lou."

_ "Hiya. I'm so hungover." _

"Not surprised," Harry snorted. "You do sound a bit worse for wear."

He sounded fucked, to put it another way; gravelly and sleepy and it was  _ hot _ . Every single word he uttered went straight to Harry's cock and he was so relieved he was still in bed. He’d never get bored of chatting to Louis on the phone. They’d spoken almost every day since the first time, and Harry knew they’d have to slow down once he was back at school but for now, he couldn’t get enough. 

_ "Oh, cheers!" _

"I like it," Harry said, trying to sound nonchalant and not betray the fact he was half-hard. "What you up to today?"

_ "I'm staying in bed all day. I'm not getting up for anything." _

"That's quite a bold statement. What about food? If you need a wee?"

Louis let out a long, loud groan down the phone and Harry nearly came on the spot. _ God, _ his moan was gorgeous.

_ "No. I'm staying here for at least nine days." _

"Why nine?"

_ "I don't know," _ he whined. _ "Doing anything nice today?" _

"Seeing Niall later on for a pizza." 

_ "You still in bed?" _

"Yeah."

_ "Mm, so, in a way... it's like we're in bed together." _

"Not really," Harry laughed. 

_ "I'm trying to be cute, here!" _

"Aww." Harry grinned to himself. "You don't need to try."

The line was silent for a couple of seconds before Louis spoke again.

_ "Harry, can I ask you something? And, you can say no, but..." _

"Here we go," Harry laughed fondly. "Sorry, Lou. Go on."

_ "Well, I don't know if I want to, now. You're mean today." _

"Awww, I'm sorry, baby," Harry teased, freezing for a second at the endearment that just slipped out of his mouth. "Please ask me."

Louis huffed.  _ "I was thinking last night when I was out. And I was watching Oli try and pull those girls and realised I didn't wanna chat anyone up, or anything. It would've felt wrong, you know?" _

"Mm," Harry mumbled, not quite sure where Louis was going with this but his heartbeat had increased and he was very curious.

_ "It's stupid and mad, and I know that, ridiculous almost, but I kinda want to consider you my boyfriend." _

Harry didn't know what to say. His face had flushed red and he tilted the bottom of his phone away from his mouth so Louis couldn't hear his breathing get heavier. This _ was _ mad. And probably stupid. For God’s sake, they had never met each other, didn't even know what the other looked like.

"Not a question, Lou,” Harry sighed, knowing he was being a complete dick but he couldn't help tease Louis. 

_ "I'm gonna hang up on you, I swear!" _

"No you won't. Are you asking me something, love?"

_ "God, don’t make this harder, Harry! I'm asking if I can call you my boyfriend. I mean, I know it's weird and stuff. But I'm personally not interested in anyone else, and I suppose I'm asking if you feel the same." _

"Yeah, I do.” Harry chewed on his thumbnail to try and stifle his smile. “I definitely wanna be your boyfriend."

_ "Yeah?”  _ Louis whispered before sighing with relief. “ _ I know it won't be the same as if you went out with some lad from school, or whatever. But I like how we are, I enjoy it. And we can definitely talk about meeting, at some point." _

Harry sighed, dizzy with the delicious feeling that  _ Louis wanted him _ . "Yes, Lou."

_ "Great." _  Louis exhaled loudly. 

And so, as of August 28th 2010, Harry had a boyfriend. It may have been just over the phone, but he had a boyfriend nonetheless.

Once Harry started Sixth Form, he and Louis spoke on the phone a few times a week but stuck mainly to text. He was enjoying Sixth Form. The work was a bit harder than he'd been anticipating, but he was willing to get his teeth into it, and he spent most of his free periods in the library. 

Niall turned seventeen in September, his birthday coming and going in a flurry of homework and awkward interactions with Jess (which Harry was getting sick of, by the way). The days plodded on and the boys couldn't wait for half term.

"This workload is inhumane," Niall complained as the two of them sat at his kitchen table with their laptops and books. "I need a beer."

"Oi, pisshead. No drinking in the week, remember?"

"Whose stupid idea was that?!" Niall grumbled, knowing full well it was his own stupid idea. He sighed, fetching the bottle of coke from the fridge and filled his own and Harry's glasses back to the top. "Let's take a break."

They went out into the garden. It was now early October but still fairly warm; the autumn leaves were starting to fall, covering the Horan lawn in browns and yellows.

"Niall, I’m not putting up with you and Jess for much longer. You need to sort yourselves out.”

“Please,” Niall scoffed. “You love me. You’ll never leave me.”

**_Louis:_ ** _ I got a job!!!!!! Finally! Just a desk job but it's a job _

Harry smiled, ignoring Niall as he went on a rant about Jess.

**_Haz:_ ** _ YAAAAAAAAY congrats Louis!! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ You're a grown up now LOL _

"...And I think if she's willing to just not talk to me then she can't like me that much."

Harry looked at Niall like he was insane. "Do you really believe that?"

Niall shrugged.

"Oh, grow up, Niall," Harry sighed. 

"Well, we can't all have perfect love lives."

Harry rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "You're deluded. And infuriating."

➢

Half term was one big relief to Harry. He’d been working hard and he was tired. He needed the rest, so much so that he only took on one extra shift in the bakery. By Friday, he’d spent copious amounts of time in bed, and that evening Louis was out with his friends and Harry tucked himself back into bed to watch a film. Yawning, he checked his phone to see a message from Louis.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Going home now _

**_Haz:_ ** _ So early? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Don't really feel in the mood.  _

**_Haz:_ ** _ What's up?? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Getting old I suppose hahaha _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No I dunno. I miss you though which makes no sense _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Can I ring you? _

Harry rang Louis. 

_ "I'm a bit drunk," _ Louis confessed.  _ "Only a bit." _

"That's okay. You're more fun when you're drunk," Harry laughed.

_ "What's that supposed to mean?!"  _ Louis gasped. _ "You're rude." _

"Mm, but I'm awesome. You home yet?"

_ "Just turning onto my road." _

"Good. I'm in bed."

_ "Oh, are you?” _ Louis rasped. _ “That's nice to know." _

Harry laughed again. Louis was quiet as Harry heard what he presumed to be a key in a lock and a door opening.

_ "Made it," _ Louis whispered.  _ "Can't wake anyone." _

Harry giggled softly, listening to the sounds of Louis sneaking up squeaky stairs, and a moment later heard a door thud closed.

_ "Right," _ Louis said, no longer whispering but keeping quiet.  _ "Hang on." _

Rustling.

"Are you getting undressed, Lou?" Harry asked, amusement in his voice.

_ "Yeah. Wanna pretend I'm with you. _ " More rustling and Louis sighed.  _ "In bed now." _

Harry's free hand had gone down to his cock without realising. Louis had just taken his clothes off whilst on the line to him and it was  _ arousing. _

_ "You have a good evening?" _

"Quiet really. Been watching TV."

_ "Been in bed long?" _

"Fifteen minutes? I'm watching some film that's on Channel 4."

_ "Oh! Sorry love, I’m interrupting." _

"Lou, I'd much rather talk to you," Harry reassured him. "You sure you're okay? Not like you to miss a good party."

_ "It was shit," _ Louis stated.  _ "You know, I forgot that if I took a gap year I'd be left behind." _

"You're missing your friends?"

_ "Suppose," _ Louis mumbled.  _ "Welcome to the real world, eh?" _

"Oh, Lou."

_ "Anyway, enough of all that. What's this film about?" _

"Dunno, love. Wasn't paying attention. Was thinking about you."

The line was silent for a few seconds.

_ "Yeah?" _

Harry's hand was still on his cock and he gave himself a miniscule squeeze. The sound of Louis' voice - particularly when he was keeping his voice so quiet and soft - got to Harry at the best of times. His breath hitched in his throat.

_ "Harry..."  _ Louis breathed.  _ "Are you-?" _

"Um... What?" Harry stilled his hand.

_ "Are you... touching yourself?" _

"Oh, um…”

_ “Harry.” _

“Um- yeah.”

Harry heard an odd, breathy noise come from Louis.

_ "Interesting," _ Louis said quietly. _ "Should've said, love. I feel left out, now." _

Harry heard movement down the line, and then a barely audible moan. Oh  _ God. _ Louis was touching himself. Wrapping his hand around his cock, stroking himself because of Harry... 

_ "Tell me what you were thinking about, Haz." _

"I was just..." Harry swallowed, closing his eyes and moving his hand along his cock determinedly. "To be honest, I get off just from your voice."

_ "Yeah?" _ Louis murmured. His breathing pattern proved that he was indeed touching himself and Harry’s cock twitched in his hand.

"Mm. Say something, Lou."

_ "Uh..." _

Louis sounded tense and flustered. He was older, more experienced and self-confident, but it was nice to hear him in a rare vulnerable moment. Harry felt closer to him for it.

_ "I don't get it," _ Louis said.  _ "How I can be so attracted to you and not even know what you look like?" _

"Mm," Harry hummed, barely holding himself back from saying me too. His head was swimming. 

_ "Wish I was there with you, Harry." _

"Me too," Harry said. "Wanna kiss you."

_ "Harry," _ Louis groaned and Harry's cock twitched again. _ "One day, babe, I'm gonna come and see you." _

"Yeah?"

_ "Yeah. And by the way, I’m great at hand jobs." _

"Oh, God, Louis," Harry whined, breath sped up along with his hand. "Fuck, I'm close already."

Harry let himself go, moaning loudly and being rewarded with similar noises from Louis. He trapped his phone between his ear and shoulder, freeing his left hand to pinch at his nipple. He cried out.

"Shit," he muttered, worried his mum would hear him. "Louis."

_ "Fuck, Harry. I want your hands on me," _ Louis slurred. 

Harry gasped, his hips bucking and his phone slipped from his shoulder, thudding onto his bed as he felt his orgasm, searing and coiling. Another tug and he came on his stomach with a loud groan, breathing heavily and slowing his hand as he came down. 

As he picked his phone up from the bed, he heard Louis groaning. 

"Lou," he sighed, still breathless.

_ "You came?"  _ Louis asked tensely.

"Yeah," Harry croaked, clearing his throat. "You gonna come, baby?"

He was a bit spaced and hadn't meant to say it but it did the job; Louis came with a very loud, throaty shout that made Harry's cock twitch yet again. 

_ "Jesus," _ Louis sighed.  _ "You’re amazing. Can't wait to touch you for real, Haz." _

➢

Daydreaming at school, Harry was replaying last  night in his head. Yes, he’d been touching himself, but under the circumstances it felt like he’d had a  _ real _ sexual experience. One that wasn’t a sad, lonely wank, and wasn’t a lacklustre encounter with a female - no offence to Jess, of course. Louis had said he couldn’t wait to touch Harry for real, and he’d been thinking about that comment. Was it a throwaway remark? Or could Harry expect Louis to push a meeting soon? And would he be coming clean?

The thing was, if they met, Harry would be in serious trouble. And not only that, but Harry couldn't bear the thought of how embarrassed Louis would be. Embarrassed, angry, humiliated...

Maybe Harry should tell the truth, admit who he was. He didn’t want to risk losing Louis, though. Harry was content in himself, comfortable and at terms with his sexuality, and that was down to Louis. Putting everything in jeopardy was a terrifying prospect.

So, Harry decided to keep quiet. He was probably being very selfish, but he couldn't bear to do anything to jeopardise their relationship, even if it was just a short term solution. And besides, the fact remained: they were lying to _ each other _ .

November hit and Harry had settled into his Sixth Form workload and Louis was getting used to working life. Louis said his new job was painfully dull, and that being able to text or call Harry at the end of the day is what got him through. 

"I wish they'd turn on the fuckin' heating in this school," Niall muttered to Harry. "This cold is inhumane."

Harry rolled his eyes, looking out the window. It was a wet, blustery day and the miserable weather was making Harry feel miserable, too. Niall had been complaining about the cold all damn week and Harry was becoming irritable.

**_Louis:_ ** _ IT'S SO COLD IN MY OFFICE _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Omg don't you start _

At lunchtime, Harry, Niall, and Jess went to the local cafe for a hot lunch. Niall and Jess were talking again, at least enough so the three of them could hang out without Harry tearing his hair out.

"You going home to Ireland for Christmas, Ni?"

"Like fuck am I," Niall scoffed. "I'm sick of being shipped from pillar to post. I'm 17, I'm doing what the fuck I want."

"Alright, chill out, love," Harry said, widening his eyes. "I'll rephrase. Are your parents going to Ireland for Christmas?"

"I don't know."

Harry raised his eyebrows to Jess who was smirking.

"It'll be a lot colder in Ireland,” Harry pointed out.

"Niall, you need to get some thermals," Jess said. "Or eat more. A layer of fat would be great insulation."

"You know as well as I do that I eat plenty."

"But you're always so skinny," Jess smirked, poking at Niall's ribs.

"Fuck off! I'm gonna join the gym, anyway. That'll shut you up."

"Maybe you should take up swimming and get a body like Harry's."

"Can you two stop?" Harry sighed. "And don't use my body as a pawn in your games."

When they headed back to school, Niall dashed off to his class and Harry and Jess walked to their own class.

"He's gonna join the gym," Harry smirked to her. "That'll shut you up."

"Harry," Jess growled. "Stop."

Harry giggled to himself as they entered the classroom, Jess sighing as they took their seats.

"I need to get over him," she mumbled miserably. 

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek, smiling sympathetically. It was starting to look like a hopeless cause. Niall was stubborn as hell about ruining their friendship, or dating his best friend’s ex or  _ something, _ and Jess was getting more and more frustrated and bitter. Harry felt sad. He knew the three of them would be separated when they finished Sixth Form but he didn't want that time to come a minute too soon and at this rate, these two would fall out long before that. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ She's right, she just needs to get over him _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Easier said than done Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I know I know. Is it just that she's your ex or is he not interested? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I've given up trying to figure it out love! How was your day? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I'm glad it's the weekend put it that way. This job’s driving me mad, I just sit on the internet all day avoiding work _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Do you have Facebook Haz? _

Harry’s eyes widened and he swallowed thickly.

**_Haz:_ ** _ No _

Like Louis was going to believe that.  _ Everybody _ had Facebook these days. Harry groaned, throwing his phone on the sofa and holding his face in his hands.  _ Think, Harry. Quickly. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ How come? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ My sister was getting harassed on there earlier in the year so we all came off it, just thought it was best _

**_Louis:_ ** _ That’s horrible!!! _

Somewhere in the back of Harry’s mind, something told him that if you’re going to tell a lie, you need to stick as close to the truth as possible. Before Gemma left for Uni, she’d been receiving abusive messages from a girl at school and so she herself wasn’t on Facebook. He felt awful for using Gemma’s anguish to fuel his own lies, but what was the harm?

Harry spent the rest of the weekend working at the bakery, doing homework, and the occasional wank on the phone with Louis. Neither of them got particularly dirty or anything, content to get off to the sounds of each other's voices, speaking and moaning, heavy breathing. 

Louis had made some friends at work, which Harry was glad about after Louis' confession that he missed his friends from school. Besides, it meant Louis was going out again, and drunk Louis was a lot of fun.

_ "You know I don't care what you look like, Hazza?" _ Louis said, chatting to Harry on his way home from a party.  _ "Like, the good thing about not knowing what you look like is you know I like you for you. Right?" _

"Right," Harry laughed, laying back on his bed. "But you can say that, because you know I've got a good body."

_ "Yeah, so you say,"  _ Louis said. _ "I'm just supposed to believe you." _

"What choice do you have?”

_ "Anyway, what you class as a good body might be different to what I class as a good body." _

"So it matters now, yeah?" Harry laughed.

_ "Fuck off, Harry," _ Louis sighed with a slight laugh.  _ "It doesn't matter... but-" _

"Swimming every day is definitely having an effect on my physique," Harry said diplomatically. "Happy?"

_ "Mm," _ Louis hummed gleefully.  _ "I can work with that." _

"You home yet?"

_ "Two minutes. See, it's alright for you because you know what I look like, at least." _

Harry frowned. Louis definitely wasn't thinking of coming clean anytime soon, then. And dropping it into conversation like that was rubbing Harry the wrong way. Just like that, a bad mood settled over Harry.

"I'm going to bed," he told Louis. "I'll text you in the morning."

_ "Oh..." _ Louis said.  _ "Well, okay. Sweet dreams, babe." _

"You too, bye."

Harry hung up abruptly. He felt irrational and grumpy, and hoped that he could sleep off his mood because he really, really did not want to have any kind of ill feeling towards Louis. He was, Harry had decided, probably just a shy boy wanting to reach out to someone. If he was honest, Harry was over Louis using his pictures. Didn’t matter to him anymore. But he just wished they could both come clean. Start afresh. Show each other their real faces. Meet up and have a real, in the flesh, relationship. But life was never that simple, was it?

➢

The shopping centre was carnage. It always was on the run up to Christmas and an hour into their shopping trip, Harry was starving. After queuing for an excruciating twenty minutes, they finally sat down and ordered immediately. Harry nearly cried with relief when their food arrived.

"Please tell me you're getting Jess a Christmas present."

Niall looked at Harry over his burger. "You really think I should?"

"Niall!" Harry growled, exasperated. 

"Well!" Niall shrugged helplessly. "I don't bloody know what to get her."

"I'll help." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Fine." Niall rolled his eyes mockingly as Harry's phone rang.

"Hello?"

_ "Hi Haz. You still out shopping?" _

"Mm." Harry bit down on his burger, looking up at Niall who was starting to smirk. "Just having lunch."

Harry held the phone away from his ear for a second to cough into his fist and all at once Niall snatched the phone from his hand and held it to his own ear.

"Hello, Louis!" Niall said jovially. "This is Niall, Harry's best mate. I assume he's mentioned me. What? He hasn't?!"

"I have!" Harry said indignantly. Niall laughed and put the call on speakerphone, still clutching Harry's phone tightly.

_ "I said yes!" _ Louis corrected.

"You're on speaker now, love," Harry informed him. "By the way, Niall's a compulsive liar."

"Fuck off," Niall scoffed.

_ "How are you, Niall?" _

"Good, man. You?"

_ "Great!" _

"Niall, give me back my phone."

"No!" Niall giggled. "So Louis, you really like my Harry here, yeah?"

"Niall!" Harry groaned. He was really reconsidering this whole  _ best friend  _ thing.

_ "Yeah," _ Louis giggled softly.  _ "I do. I mean, he's a pretty awesome lad, yeah?" _

"Oh, yes," Niall nodded seriously. "Not to mention he’s fuckin' gorgeous."

_ "Oh, is he now?!" _

Niall looked up in mild surprise and Harry quickly looked away.

"Filling out nicely too," Niall said. "Especially from all the swimming."

_ "So I've heard." _

Harry snatched the phone from Niall, promptly taking the call off speakerphone and holding the phone to his ear.

"Sorry about him," Harry sighed.

_ "It's okay," _ Louis laughed. " _ Sounds like he thinks the world of you." _

"Suppose," Harry shrugged to himself. "He's like a difficult child sometimes."

"Oi!"

_ "Haha!" _ Louis snorted.  _ "Niall's straight, right?" _

Harry looked up at Niall as a small smirk curled on his lips. He leaned back against his chair and picked up a few chips.

"Why? You're not... jealous, Lou, surely?"

_ "I'm not bloody jealous!" _

Harry laughed as Niall frowned in confusion. "Okay, well, I have to go. Me and Niall have some  _ things _ to do."

_ "Harry!" _

"I'll talk to you later, Lou!"

Harry grinned widely to himself as he hung up the phone.

"You two are weird," Niall said. "And are you gonna tell me why was he surprised when I said you were good looking?"

Harry's smile fell and he sighed, looking down at the table.

"Okay, um... I have to tell you something."

"Have you not sent him a photo?"

"No," Harry sighed.

"Why?"

"Well... When I led you to believe I'd seen a photo of  _ him _ , that was a lie," Harry said quietly and Niall frowned. "You're gonna kick off, Ni."

"What's going on?"

"Well, I was in the chat room, right? And this kid pops up and starts arguing with people about football. I look at his little display picture and..." He sighed. “It was a photo of me.”

Niall's silence was extremely awkward and deafening. 

"What?" he finally said.

"It's messy, I know," Harry said miserably.

"I don't get it."

"Well, I started talking to him intending to rip into him. And I just kinda... never did. So now he thinks I think that's him, and he thinks I'm too insecure to show him a photo of myself."

Niall looked utterly confused.

"And you just... don't care that he's pretending to be you?"

Harry paused. "It's complicated."

"Right, yeah!" Niall scoffed.

"Niall, honestly. Look, as I said, I was ready to flip out. But I got to know him and he's just an an 18 year old boy trying to navigate his way through life as a gay man."

"I'm even more convinced he's a random nutter, now."

"He's not!"

"Aren't you worried he's gonna work out it's you?"

"I locked my Facebook right down so he can't see anything. There's no reason he'd work it out."

Niall shook his head. "I don't like this."

"It's hardly ideal," Harry said, giving Niall a coy grin when he looked at him. "I didn't mean it to happen, but I really like him."

➢

Niall continued to be less than thrilled about the situation, a rarely-seen protective side of him emerging. He spilled the beans to a concerned Jess, and Harry actually felt pleased they'd bonded, even if it was to be sorely disappointed in Harry. The worst thing was, he couldn't laugh with Louis about it.

Christmas was rapidly approaching and when the last day of term rolled round, Harry couldn’t be more relieved to walk out of the school gates with his friends.

"You both coming round mine on Boxing Day?" Niall asked. "Keep up tradition?"

"I'm not getting as drunk as last year," Harry warned.

"Too right you're not. No vomiting in carrier bags this year."

Harry said a farewell and Merry Christmas to his friends before heading to the gym for a swim. He'd considered using the actual gym too, but it intimidated him a bit. Thought he'd maybe work up to it. Besides, the gym was expensive and his swim-only membership was nicely on-budget considering he worked a total of one day a week.

He had an awkward encounter in the changing room with Rich, the unpleasant boy who he used to go to school with. Rich didn't get the grades for Sixth Form or college and instead of re-sitting his GCSEs, he had apparently gone off to work in Asda. Harry decided to stick with Tesco from then on.

Rich was a bit of a bully, but when he was on his own he was fairly harmless. Harry changed quickly, speed walking down to the pool and slipping into the water with a sigh. The feel of the cool water on his skin relaxed him immediately. He kicked away from the edge of the pool, cutting smoothly through the water.

He was in no hurry, so after a quick warm up he swam length after length, pushing himself until the only thoughts he had were about the satisfying ache in his muscles and a rough count of how many lengths he's clocked up. He finally came round and looked at the clock to see he'd been in the pool for over two hours.

He texted his mum before he showered to tell her he wouldn't be long. He had four missed calls from Louis and once he was showered and dressed, he called him back.

"Hiii, Lou. What's up?"

_ "How was the last day of school?" _

"Yeah good, thanks. Been swimming," Harry yawned, leaving the gym and crossing the road. "Everything okay? I had four missed calls?"

_ "Oh, um... my friend, um, Zayn, from work," _ Louis said quietly.  _ "He's gone to hospital, had some accident at work." _

"What?" Harry gasped. "What happened?"

_ "He fell down the stairs or something. Our boss went with him, said he's okay, but..." _ Louis sighed.  _ "Dunno, I'm just a bit freaked out." _

"Oh, love." Harry sighed.

_ "Probably visit him tomorrow."  _ Louis sniffed.  _ "How was your swim?" _

"Yeah, really good," Harry said distractedly, pulling his door keys out as he turned onto his road. "Might've pushed myself a bit hard without realising."

When Harry got inside, his mum told him dinner was on the table and so, reluctantly, he had to hang up.

“I’ll speak to you later, Lou,” he sighed. “If you need me at all, just ring me, okay? I’ll always answer. Even in the middle of the night.”

“Thank you, love,” Louis sighed, sounding like he might be smiling. “You’re my favourite, you know that?”

➢

Apparently, Zayn was very bruised but otherwise okay. He was only in hospital for a few hours and Louis felt silly for overreacting. 

**_Louis_ ** _ : Awful thing to say... _

**_Louis_ ** _ : But I’m gutted. We were supposed to go out for my birthday tomorrow :/ _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I thought your birthday is xmas eve?? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Nothing's open on christmas eve!!! It's so bloody annoying _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Oh yeah course _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I always celebrate with my friends on the 23rd  _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Just go round his and have a quiet night in _

And so he did. Harry woke up on Christmas Eve morning to a dozen drunk Whatsapps sent at 3am. He grinned to himself, sleepily pulling himself out of bed and going for a wee. He had a quick shower, pulling on some trackie bottoms and one of his several christmas jumpers and headed downstairs.

"Just in time." Anne grinned. "I was just making breakfast."

"I think the smell of bacon was probably what woke me up."

Harry sat down at the kitchen table, pulling his phone from his pocket.

**_Haz:_ ** _ HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY LOUIS!!!!!!!!!!! _

"Make yourself useful, H. Set the table."

Gemma plodded down the stairs a few minutes later, looking rather worse for wear.

"You go out last night, then?" Harry smirked.

Gemma just groaned in response.

"She works hard, Harry," Anne said diplomatically. "She needs to unwind on her break."

"You're actually sticking up for her getting hammered?"

"You'll understand when you're a grown up, H," Gemma said condescendingly. "Until then, get off my back."

"Touchy," Harry raised his eyebrows, earning a look from his mother.

Harry had a great relationship with Gemma. They were close whilst growing up, barely arguing, both not wanting to be a trouble for their overworked mother. They had still been typical kids, of course, but they had always maintained a calm, respectful household, becoming even quieter when Gemma left for University. The thought of leaving his mum alone when he went off to Uni came to Harry’s mind again. He didn’t like it.

"Your Nan will be here in time for dinner," Anne told her children. "Gemma, you'll be on the sofa for the next two nights."

"Why me?" She groaned.

"It's not fair to kick Harry out of his bed, you don't live in your room anymore."

Harry threw his sister a brief victorious glance.

➢

It was nearly lunchtime when Harry heard back from Louis, complaining he felt like crap and feeling a little embarrassed by the absolute twaddle he'd whatsapped Harry in the middle of the night.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Can't believe you're 19 _

**_Louis:_ ** _ It's terrifying! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I should've found a way to send you a card! Gonna be a bit busy today but I'll ring you later? _

**_Louis_ ** _ : Me too, look forward to it xx _

Harry's Nan arrived and he suffered through the usual interrogation.  _ Got a girlfriend yet?, How's school going? How old are you now, fifteen? You're getting big, aren't you? _

Gemma used to get offended when their Nan said that to her but Harry, whose shirts were fitting far more snug around the shoulders than last Christmas, preened from the comment. He smiled sweetly through Gemma's own interrogation.

"How's University, dear?"

"Fine, Nan. Hard work."

"Got yourself a boyfriend?"

"Just focusing on my work for now."

Nan frowned at Gemma, an expression of impatient disbelief and Harry nearly spit Ribena all over the table with amusement. He giggled behind his hand as Anne threw him a scolding but amused look.

"Mum, leave the kids alone." Anne sighed.

➢

Managing to escape his family fairly early, Harry retired to his room and rang Louis. He heard his Nan go to bed not long after, and kept his voice quiet.

_ "Isn't there somewhere you can go?"  _ Louis sighed.  _ "Where no one will hear you?" _

"My house is so small," Harry replied apologetically. "Mum and Nan are up here and Gem's on the sofa."

_ "It's my birthday!" _ Louis complained.  _ "I was hoping for some hot phone action, you know?" _

Harry softly giggled.

"Well," he whispered. "I can help you if you can do it to something clean."

_ "Haha! Like what?!" _ Louis laughed.  _ "Alright, just talk to me about anything, babe. Your voice should be enough, I’ll give it a go." _

"God," Harry sighed, groaning slightly. "Fine, okay."

_ "Tell me a story, love." _

"Um..." Harry said, helplessly searching his brain for something, anything to say. "Last year the cat didn't come home all Christmas Day. My mum got tipsy and started crying about it."

Some kind of strangled, confused moan came from Louis.

_ "Harry..." _ he laughed. 

"Sorry!" Harry laughed pathetically. "Um... Okay, so when I took a shower this morning-"

_ "Mm?" _

"Yeah, I used a coconut shampoo. I used a bit too much and I ended up covered in the suds."

Louis groaned with approval. Harry laughed to himself.

_ "Yeah? Nice. Then what?" _

"Honey scented shower gel," he said softly. "Actually not really gel. It was more like shower oil."

For some reason, that did something to Louis; he groaned loudly and his breathing became laboured. 

_ "That’s nice, Haz, carry on." _

"The best thing about it was my skin was so soft and smelt so good when I got out."

_ “Yeah? Soft? God. Yeah, bet you smelt so fucking amazing.” _

“Felt so good.”

Louis’ moans increased in volume as he started to cry out through the phone, shouting out all sorts and making Harry blush. He was rock hard in his trackie bottoms and he palmed himself through the material, biting his lip to keep himself silent. Louis let out a strangled moan before falling quiet, heavy breathing the only indication he was still on the line.

"You okay?"

_ "Fuck, Harry, _ " Louis sighed.  _ "That was easier than I thought it'd be." _

"That was so weird," Harry said with a laugh. 

_ "The thought of you being all... slicked up and slippery… Soft skin..." _

Harry barked out a surprised laugh, blushing again. "Well... happy birthday, love."

_ "Thanks, babe. Merry Christmas." _

➢

Once upon a time, Harry used to be the first out of bed on Christmas morning, impatiently trying to wake his family before the sun rose. Nowadays?

"Harry!" Anne sighed, hammering on his bedroom door. "For God's sake, get up."

"Let him sleep, Anne,” Harry heard his Nan say. "Teenagers need their sleep."

"I'm awake,” Harry called back. "I'll be down in a minute, just let me wake up a bit first."

Harry heard his mum and nan retreat downstairs. He pulled his phone out and opened Whatsapp, recording a voice memo.

“Good morning, Lou!” His voice was croaky and full of sleep, just the way he knew Louis loved it. “Thought I’d just drop you a little message to say Merry Christmas, and I hope you have a really lovely day. Call me later!”

Harry felt very pleased with himself as he made his way downstairs. His mum was sitting on the end of the sofa, bothering a very sleepy looking Gemma who was wrapped in a duvet, hair messily shucked up on one side where she’d slept on it. Harry smirked to himself. He loved Christmas Day with his family, in fact it was his favourite tradition. He couldn’t wait for today. But first, he needed breakfast.

➢

Louis was very happy with his voice memo and sent Harry a picture of his Christmas tree, piles and piles of presents stacked underneath. With four younger sisters, Harry wasn't surprised at the sheer number of gifts.

It was odd and slightly unnerving for Harry to finally have some kind of sneak peek into Louis' real life. As he gazed at the picture on his phone screen, he mentally ticked off the verifiable facts about Louis.

He was likely really from Doncaster, considering his accent and the fact that Harry could see out of the window in the picture, spying the rain that had been overhead in Holmes Chapel a few hours ago. He was male, obviously. His strong personality came across naturally during their hours and hours of phone calls, so that was probably genuine.

Non-verifiable facts: His age. His name. His face was obviously a complete enigma.

As the day went on and Harry and Louis were texting back and forth, Harry was growing concerned one of his family would call him out on it. He wasn't usually such a private person with his family, but not only was he pretty coy about the situation for obvious reasons, he was afraid his mum would flip out if she found out he'd been talking to people online and giving them his phone number.

It turned out that it wasn't his mum who brought it up.

"So," Gemma said, a wicked smirk on her face as she sat down next to him in the living room. "Who is he?"

"Gem..."

Gemma just snorted. Harry rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fine, fine. His name is Louis. You cannot tell Mum  _ anything _ ."

"Tell her!" Gemma laughed. "Why don't you want her to know?"

Harry grimaced, rolling his eyes and turning to look at her pointedly.

"You seriously can't tell her,” he sighed. "I haven't met him. We met online."

Gemma's jaw dropped comically. "Harry..."

"I don't need a lecture, Gems."

She closed her mouth and raised her eyebrows at him. 

"Okay, well, say  _ something, _ " Harry said after a few seconds of silence.

"Well... just stay safe, Harry. How long have you been talking?"

"Since April."

"Where's he from?"

"Doncaster."

"Oh!" Gemma said, surprised. "Well, just bloody go and see him, then. It's, what? Two hours on the train?"

"Mm, yeah, two and a half. It's just... complicated."

Gemma rolled her eyes. "Harry, the longer you leave it, the more of a big deal it'll become. Just meet him and get it over and done with."

"It's  _ complicated _ ," Harry repeated with a whine. 

➢

Harry and his family got a bit sloshed in the evening, the four of them hysterically laughing about barely anything. This was Harry's favourite thing ever; even in the years before he would drink with them, he'd get caught up in the atmosphere and be just as merry and hysterical as everybody else. He went up to bed somewhere around midnight, eagerly dialling Louis as he walked up the stairs.

_ "Hello, you," _ Louis said happily when he answered the phone.  _ "You had a good day, love?" _

"The best!" Harry said. "Get anything nice?"

_ "A few bits. A nice watch, loads of clothes." _

"Awesome."

_ "Oh," _ Louis said lavishly.  _ "And guess what else? My auntie got me a skydiving experience!" _

"Ooh," Harry responded, half fascinated and half horrified. "Skydiving, Lou?"

_ "Yeah! It's something I've always kinda thought I'd want to do, and now I have no excuse not to." _

"You're brave!" Harry exhaled, impressed. "I don't think I could do it."

_ "Well, I haven't gone through with it yet, _ " Louis said, before letting out a little laugh.  _ "I might be too chicken." _

"Nah, you'll do it. I know you will."

_ "Your faith is touching, Haz," _ Louis giggled.  _ "So, then? What did you get?" _

"Ummm..." Harry hummed exaggeratedly.  _ " _ I got a sick new camera from my mum. A really good one."

_ "Nice! Take some bloody selfies with it, eh?" _ Louis laughed. 

"Um-"

_ "I'm joking, Haz,” _ Louis added quickly.  _ "So what else?" _

"Gem got me an iPod. I needed one with a bigger capacity, see, I've got so much music. My nan got me an iTunes voucher because she's trying to be hip."

Louis laughed, a soft, rasping noise that made Harry smile out of instinct. 

_ "I'm gonna go to bed, babe. Have a good night, we'll chat tomorrow?" _

“Okay,” Harry replied, smiling stupidly to himself. “Merry Christmas.”

➢

Harry didn't spend too much time throwing together his outfit for New Year’s Eve. It's not like he was looking to pull at this party, or anything. He was a taken man now.

"This party is gonna be  _ sick _ ," Niall said, talking quickly as he fiddled with his hair. "Have you ever been to Phil's house? Jess said he's got a pool. And a stable. With  _ three _ horses."

"I think Jess was joking."

"No way!"

"Niall," Harry sighed, looking up at him. "He lives like ten minutes from here. His house is absolutely not gonna be big enough to have a swimming pool and stables."

"We'll see."

It turned out that Phil's house was pretty big and impressive, although Niall was rather disappointed at the lack of horses. The living room was huge, and the kitchen practically made Harry salivate when he fantasised about all the baking he could do in it. The large garden was littered with revellers already, smoking and drinking. Phil was in the year above so most of the people surrounding Niall and Harry were eighteen. They spotted Jess who was chatting to some bloke and Niall growled impatiently. Harry smirked at him.

"What?! Why is she talking to that guy? He's eighteen, she's not long turned sixteen."

"Niall, she can talk to whoever she wants. She's a big girl. And also, hello? Louis' nineteen, remember? You’re bitching to the wrong guy."

"Yeah, well..."

"Stop, Niall," Harry said, still smirking.

Jess finally spotted them and came over, giving them both hugs.

"Two thousand and eleven!" she squeaked, treating them to some kind of weird shimmy. She'd definitely been drinking for a while already. "Gonna be a good year."

"New Year is a man-made concept," Harry said, pretending to be serious, elbowing Niall in the ribs. "In fact, measuring time is a man-made concept."

"Harry, shut  _ up _ ," Niall groaned. "It's New Year's Eve, we don't want any of your weird shit tonight."

"Don't speak on my behalf," an indignant Jess said, prodding Niall in the chest.

"I need a drink," Niall mumbled.

➢

Harry forced down a few beers and when he checked the time and discovered it was twenty past eleven, he decided to ring Louis.

"Happy French New Year!" he cheered down the phone when Louis answered.

_ "What?"  _ Louis laughed.

"It's gone midnight in France, innit," Harry giggled. "France is romantic."

_ "If you say so," _ Louis giggled, soft and fond. _ "Bit tipsy, Haz?" _

"A little bit," Harry admitted. 

_ "How's your party?" _

"S'ok." Harry inhaled deeply and sighed. "This guy's got an amazing house. Jess and Niall have been bickering. Umm... music's good. How's yours?"

_ "Yeah, it's great! I'm outside smoking but I'm mainly just sticking with Zayn. He's still in a bit of pain from his fall so he's just sticking to the sofa." _

"Aw, that sucks."

_ "Saying that, he's currently sitting eight feet from me smoking a spliff,"  _ Louis laughed.  _ "Says it helps with the pain." _

"You ever smoked it, Lou?" Harry said, walking out into the frigid cold of the garden.

_ "A couple of times. The first time I threw up." _

"Why did you do it a second time?" Harry laughed.

_ "The boys promised it'd be better." _ Louis paused. _ "They were right." _

Harry hummed thoughtfully.

"I smoked a cigarette once. It was awful."

"Harry!" He turned towards Niall's voice. "What're you doing out here?"

"I'm on the phone, Niall."

"It is Louis?!" Niall snatched the phone from him. "Louis, mate, it's Niall!" 

"Niall-"

"You having a good night?" Niall asked Louis, before letting out a laugh. "Yeah, this house is sick."

"Niall!" Harry whined. "Gimme the phone."

"Yeah," Niall giggled, ignoring Harry. "His face is all scrunchy and anxious. Worried I'll embarrass him, I suppose."

"NIALL-"

"Black tshirt, dark blue jeans," Niall said, finally making eye contact with Harry as if to check he wasn't crossing a boundary. "Purple zip-up hoodie. Trainers. Basic, really. I mean God, he could’ve dressed up a bit."

Harry rolled his eyes, grabbing for the phone, yanking it out of Niall's hand.

"Oi!" Niall said.

"I wish you wouldn't humour him," Harry sighed to Louis. 

_ "Oh, leave him alone," _ Louis laughed.  _ "It's nice to talk to one of your friends. Makes you feel more real." _

Harry snorted with amusement.

"You coming in for midnight, or..." Niall asked.

Harry shrugged at him and Niall rolled his eyes and retreated into the house.

"Um... Anyway, I'll leave you to get back to Zayn," Harry told Louis.

_ "He's stoned, love. He's just staring up at the moon," _ Louis laughed.  _ "You can get back to your friends if you-" _

"No, I'm okay."

_ "Oh, well… will you stay on with me until midnight, then?" _

"Definitely."

➢

Harry popped inside to get another beer and returned to the garden, finding a secluded place to sit on the damp grass and chat to Louis in peace. They were giggling over Louis' commentary of Zayn's antics. Apparently, he was walking around the garden of Louis' friend Stan, trying to wrestle a garden gnome and gently cuddling the neighbour's very disgruntled cat. 

"Hey," Harry laughed. "When did we become the people who abandoned their friends for their boyfriend?"

_ "Oi, Zayn isn't on this planet at the moment, and I've spent the last God knows how many New Years with Stan and Oli. I might even stay home next year." _

"You won't stay home." Harry smirked at the phone. 

_ "I might," _ Louis replied, a little indignant.  _ "Who knows, maybe I'll be with you." _

Harry's heart swelled. He broke out into a grin, feeling hope and anxiety all at once. Wouldn't it be great if they'd met this time next year? Ringing in 2012 together? Taken the plunge and told each other the truth, problems ironed out? Making a go of it. A real life relationship.

"I hope so," Harry replied quietly. 

_ “Hey, Harry?” _ Louis asked.  _ “What’s your surname? I just realised. You’re my boyfriend and I don’t even know your surname.” _

“Um-” Harry rolled his eyes to himself. Keep the lies close to the truth. “Okay, don’t laugh. It’s Cox.”

_ “Nice!”  _ Louis laughed.

“I know. Apt, right?”

_ “Haha! I wasn’t thinking that!” _ Louis replied, giggling.  _ “Now I am.” _

“It’s spelt like C-o-x. Not c-o-c-k-s.” Harry grinned, despite himself. “What’s yours, Lou?”

Louis paused for a beat.  _ “Poulston.” _

Harry knew it likely wasn’t the truth, but he resolved to check Facebook tomorrow regardless.

“It’s nice. Louis Poulston.”

_ “Harry Cox.” _ Louis rasped.  _ “Feels good, in my mouth.” _

“Louis!” Harry scolded with a laugh. He heard distant chanting from the house. "Oh my god, is it time?!"

_ "Oh, yeah!"  _ Louis said.  _ "They're counting down." _

They stayed silent on the phone, each listening to their own parties count down to midnight. When Harry could hear cheering coming from the house, distant fireworks illuminating the sky, he smiled to himself.

"Happy New Year, Lou."

_ "Happy New Year, Harry!" _ Louis said cheerfully. 

They were silent for a few seconds, Harry standing up to watch the fireworks.

_ "I love you, Harry. Let's make this our year, yeah?" _

Harry nearly choked on his beer, steadying himself against a nearby tree. His heart was in his mouth; his head swam and before he stopped to think, he’d taken a deep breath and started to respond.

"Love you, too."

 


	2. Year Two

**Year Two**

 

Harry woke up, cold and tangled in the duvet. He felt groggy as he dragged himself from his bed to have a wee, taking a few seconds to make sense of the anxious feeling churning in his stomach.

_ Oh. _

He threw himself back down on his bed, checking his phone. It was gone 11am and he had no good morning text from Louis, so he sent one to him, before staring at the ceiling and sighing.

Louis had said  _ the L word _ . They were both a little drunk and caught up in the festivities, he probably didn’t mean it. They hadn’t even met each other yet, it was ludicrous, surely.

Of course, Harry had said it back, too.

New Year's Day passed by with no fanfare in Harry’s house. Everyone was a little quiet, hungover, and a bit brought down by the weather. A mixture of sleet and rain fell throughout the day and it was bitterly cold, even inside the house. Harry sat in front of the TV in the living room with Gemma, watching film after film with his duvet wrapped around his shoulders.

**_Louis:_ ** _ It was nice knowing you Harry but I’m dying _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Has anyone ever died of a hangover? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ If you drank enough to die from it I don’t think you’d make it to the hangover bit Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Ughhhhhhh _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Lol I didn’t know you had that much to drink _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Might’ve done some shots after we got off the phone _

**_Haz:_ ** _ What time did you leave? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ About 4 :/ _

“Dinner will be ready in an hour, kids,” Anne said quietly, looking exhausted as she poked her head into the living room. Harry put his phone on the coffee table, climbing to his feet and padding into the kitchen after her.

“You need any help, Mum?”

“Hm? Oh, no thanks, darling.” She sighed, sitting at the table. “You have a good night last night?”

“Mm.” He nodded.

“You’ve been quiet today.”

“Tired. Bit hungover.” Harry shrugged, maneuvering himself with some difficulty, considering he was still wrapped in his duvet, into the chair opposite. 

“You behaved yourself, I take it.”

“Course, Mum.” Harry gave her a small grin.

The doorbell rang and Harry stood at once to answer it. He opened the front door and Jess stormed in, barging past Harry and going up to his room. Harry followed, confused.

“Everything okay, Jess?” Harry said wearily as he joined her in his room.

“Where did you disappear to last night?!”

“When?” Harry frowned, Jess’ raised voice painful to his sore head. “I was outside talking to Louis at midnight, then I came inside for a bit but I didn’t see you or Niall anywhere, so I came home.”

Jess folded her arms, sighing impatiently. “I kissed him.”

Harry’s eyes darted to Jess’. “What?”

“We kissed at midnight.”

Harry just stared at her, gobsmacked.

“We were both pretty drunk,” Jess continued, flopping down onto Harry’s bed helplessly. “He came back inside from talking to you, and we started dancing, and…”

“So you guys had made up?” Harry asked curiously.

“We were drunk!” Jess protested. She brought her knees up to her chest. “You know how I feel about him. I just-”

“Okay.” Harry sighed, propping his bum on the edge of his desk. “Then what happened?”

“Well, when we started counting down from ten, I just put my arms around his neck, and when it hit midnight, I just pulled him close and kissed him.” Her eyes flicked to Harry’s.

“Wow, and then?”

“Um…” she grinned, biting her nails. “We snogged for a bit. Then a couple more times throughout the night. He walked me home at like, 2am, and I’ve not heard from him since.”

Harry exhaled loudly. “Yeah, I’ve not heard from him today either.”

“Probably regrets it,” Jess said, smiling sadly and shrugging nonchalantly. 

“Don’t say that.” Harry sighed. “Look, as hard as it is, give him space and I will talk to him.”

“I can’t give him that much space, Harry. We’re back at school on Monday.”

“I’ll talk to him, I promise.” Harry pulled her into a hug. “You wanna stay for dinner?”

“No, I have to get home. Just needed to come and tell you.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you out.” Harry stood to his feet, walking towards the door but stopping. “How are you feeling?”

Jess blinked at him for a second, before breaking a small smile and rolling her eyes.

“I was on cloud nine, last night.” She sighed heavily, following Harry when he started walking again. “But now, I just think the anxiety is taking over.”

Harry shrugged. He knew he was probably overthinking his situation, too. He walked Jess out the door, standing on the doorstep with her and pulling the door closed behind him.

“Louis told me he loved me last night.”

“Oh my god!” Jess said. “What did you say?”

He looked down at his feet, kicking a leaf. “Said it back.”

“I wanna say I’m happy for you, but you don’t seem happy for yourself.”

“We’ve never met!” Harry said in a loud whisper. “It’s mad.”

“Love is love.” Jess sighed as she pulled him into a hug. “What are we gonna do with ourselves, eh?”

Harry laughed into her shoulder.

After dinner Harry had an impossibly hot bath, steaming out the alcohol and dipping his hair into the water, immersing as much of himself as possible. He went to bed not long after, sending Louis a goodnight text - Louis had been mostly silent all day and Harry tried to reassure himself it was just the hangover and not regret about last night - and fell asleep almost immediately.

➢

Harry gave Niall a call and when it went straight to voicemail, he forewent another attempt and put on his huge coat, walking to Niall’s house.

“What’re you doing here?” Niall grumbled, evidently not long out of bed.

“I tried ringing you,” Harry deadpanned, pushing past Niall and heading straight for the kitchen. 

“I forgot to charge my phone overnight. It died,” Niall said, trotting after Harry, who had gone straight for the biscuit tin on the counter. Niall’s mum made the best oat and raisin cookies Harry had ever tasted.

“We need to talk about New Year.”

Niall’s face was a picture. His eyes widened before he fixed an expression of nonchalance across his features.

“What about it?”

“Don’t play dumb. You might get away with it with everyone else, but not me.”

Niall shrugged somewhat aggressively, opening the fridge and taking a swig from a two-pint bottle of milk.

“Spit it out, Harry. What do you want?”

“I heard about your midnight antics,” Harry said. “And how you haven’t spoken to Jess since.”

Niall cleared his throat, hopping up onto the counter and snatching a cookie from Harry’s hand, biting into it at once.

“It’s not fair, Niall,” Harry sighed. “She thinks you regret what happened. She’s gonna feel awful about herself if you don’t sort it out.”

Guilt washed over Niall’s face. “Yeah, okay,” he sighed.

Harry jumped up onto the counter next to him. “So? You gonna tell me your side of the story?”

Niall let out a small, nervous laugh. “I mean, I was drunk.”

“Meaning what?”

“Let my guard down,” he mumbled.

“Niall,” Harry sighed quietly. “Why do you even have a guard up? It’s  _ Jess _ . And don’t give me that crap about her being my ex.”

Niall rolled his eyes with a small smile. “It’s just kind of a big deal. We’ve been friends for ages, you know?”

“You’ve crossed the line now, Niall, and I think if you don’t get your act together you’re gonna lose her as a friend, anyway.”

Niall looked at Harry, wide eyed. “What’s she said to you?”

“Nothing. Just told me what happened and that she thinks you regret it.”

Niall sighed, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. “Okay, I’ll talk to her.”

“Good.” Harry nudged him. “What are you gonna say?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know!”

➢

Harry hadn’t had the opportunity to see his friends again before they went back to school. He’d been working and neither of them had popped in to see him. Jess had casually mentioned over text that they had spoken to each other but he was in the dark about anything else. At school, they were acting perfectly civil to each other, warm and much friendlier than before, but friendly was as good as it got.

Harry didn’t get either of them alone until a couple of weeks later. Harry was at work on Saturday, idly texting Louis when the door banged open and he jumped, quickly shoving his phone in his apron pocket. He relaxed when he saw Jess.

“Hi.” He grinned at her. “What are you doing here?”

“My mum’s at the opticians.” Jess rolled her eyes. “She promised me pizza if I came with her.”

“Why does she want you to come with her?”

“Keep me out of trouble, probably,” she said, checking her nails. “Been busy?”

“We were this morning,” Harry sighed, grabbing a broom and rounding the counter to sweep the shop floor. “Now I’ve got you alone, you can tell me what happened with you and Niall.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jess…”

“Nothing happened,” she shrugged, chewing the drawstring on her coat. “We just kind of agreed it was a bit of a weird situation and said we’d just play it cool and see what happens.”

Harry stared at Jess, unblinking.

“You two are  _ unbelievable _ ,” he sighed heavily. “What kind of a resolution is that?! You’re basically back at square one.”

“Don’t start.”

Harry frowned, annoyed. “I give up.”

“I’m not sure you should be preaching about relationships to be honest, Harry.”

Harry stared at Jess intently. He gave a shake of his head.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, knowing full well he agreed with the sentiment.

“Nothing.”

“I give up,” he repeated.

➢

Neither he nor Louis had mentioned the thing from New Year and Harry hadn’t told anyone other than Jess. Louis was acting perfectly normal, not seeming weird about it or anything, which Harry was relieved about.

Zayn was back at work, so Louis was in better spirits. Harry didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he got a little bit jealous when Louis went on and on about Zayn. He knew Louis missed his school friends a lot, though, and he supposed he was glad Louis at least had Zayn. 

**_Louis:_** _If it wasn’t for Zayn I’d be looking for a new job tbh. This job is soooooooooo dull! It’s mindless!!!_

**_Haz:_ ** _ But you’ve only got a few months then you’re off to uni anyway. My mum says doing things you don’t want to do sometimes is part of being an adult ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah alright, god! Lol _

**_Louis:_** _It’s a bit more than a few months babe but you’re right. I can’t wait for the day I can hand my notice in_

**_Haz:_ ** _ Do you regret taking a gap year? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Nah. I needed to earn some money and get away from education for a bit. And I think this kind of ‘real life experience’ will enrich me or something _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Basically, I’m gonna go off to uni knowing that real life is hard and shit _

Harry smiled to himself.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Good excuse to act superior _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Ha! _

➢

Harry finally turned 17 years old. He was now old enough to drive, and he planned to get the ball rolling immediately. In fact, Gemma’s present to him was a set of driving lessons. And even though it didn’t really mean anything, he was happy to be just two years in age behind Louis once again. 

His birthday was a Wednesday so he had to get through a day of school before having a little birthday tea afterwards at home with Jess, Niall, and his mum. It was a low key affair with party food and cake. He and Jess would be round Niall’s at the weekend for more of an alcoholic celebration, but for now this was brilliant.

Anne left the three of them to their own devices after dinner, Harry lounging on the sofa texting Louis.

**_Haz:_ ** _ They’re laying on the floor having a foot fight. I almost just wanna leave the room _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Hahaha, getting steamy is it? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ If they start wrestling I really will leave the room _

After eventually dissolving into a tickle fight and then sitting rather close together on the sofa, Jess and Niall both went home and Harry went to bed. He had a quiet, brief phone sex session with Louis, coming on his stomach a few seconds before Louis grunted down the line, doing the same.

_ “I love you, _ ” Louis sighed heavily as he came down from his orgasm.

In his own post-orgasm haze, Harry wondered if it was intentional that Louis had again said it when Harry was a bit out of it. His head was cloudy and he sighed, feeling weak.

“Love you too, Louis.”

➢

Harry was coming around to the idea of  _ actually _ being in love with Louis. Even though he’d never been in love before, he was starting to second-guess himself less and less. His head would swim when he spoke on the phone with Louis, the butterflies in his stomach running riot. Could he really love someone he’d never met? 

And speaking of which, he was starting to  _ really _ want to meet him. Harry tried not to think about it. If he wanted to meet Louis, it meant telling him the truth. Or else give him a nasty shock when they came face to face. There was no easy way out.

Other than that, Harry was enjoying seventeen. He started his driving lessons in March and after a rough start, stalling constantly and crashing into a wheelie bin during his second lesson, he started to pick it up nicely and he was very much enjoying the experience. He liked to daydream sometimes about driving up to Doncaster to visit his boy, imagining what it’d be like if their circumstances were different and he could give Louis a nice surprise. 

**_Haz:_ ** _ I don’t know what kind of car to get _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Slow down H, you’ve not passed yet ;) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m just a forward thinking kind of boy! Looking forward to having something big to spend all my saved wages on _

Harry was getting busy, what with driving lessons and work and school  _ and _ his AS Level exams were creeping up. He’d only just recovered from the trauma of his GCSEs and now he was revising yet again. He was so jealous that Louis didn’t have to study. That being said, Louis was becoming more and more miserable in his job.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m gonna quit, Harry. I can’t cope _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Love, if you’re that unhappy you should! I know you need a job but it’s not worth this stress Lou _

**_Louis:_** _I can’t abandon Zayn! At least we’re miserable together. I basically just follow him everywhere so I’m never alone_

Harry’s heart ached for Louis. His dismay was painful for Harry, but alongside that, an uneasy feeling bubbled in his gut.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Zayn  _

Harry was definitely jealous.

➢

He tried so hard not to get in a grump whenever Louis said Zayn’s name, considering Zayn was being a great support to Louis, but it was really hard. Harry resented that Zayn was there, an in the flesh presence, when Louis should be able to rely on his boyfriend. But Harry was present only through the phone. It just wasn’t  _ fair. _

It was a Sunday afternoon and Harry had been left home to study in peace while his mum went into Manchester to do some shopping. He was going to pop over to see his Dad later, but at the moment he was taking a break from studying, laying on the sofa chatting to Louis.

“On Friday at school I overheard someone talking about someone called Louis.”

_ “Oh yeah?” _

“Made me miss you.” Harry sighed. 

_ “Maybe they were talking about me,”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “Maybe I secretly know them.” _

“Oh my God,” Harry whined. “Don’t say that. I would die.”

_ “Hm,”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “I could be closer than you think.” _

“Stop it, Lou!” Harry complained. “I wish you were.”

_ “You’re so easy to tease,” _ Louis said fondly.  _ “I wish I were closer too. Tease you in person.” _

“Right, so you’re a tease?” Harry smirked to himself. “Not surprising.”

_ “Only a little bit,” _ Louis replied, his voice considerably huskier.  _ “I’m not the kind of guy who doesn’t finish what he starts.” _

Harry glanced at the clock. His mum definitely wouldn’t be back for a couple of hours at the very least. He shifted onto his back, knowing Louis well enough to know where this was going.

_ “Wish I could give you a cuddle.”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “Kiss you.” _

“Yeah? What else Lou?”

_ “I wanna get my hands on every single inch of you.” _

Harry shivered, using his shoulder to press his phone to his ear as he used both hands to quickly undo his jeans, taking the phone once again as he pushed his right hand into his boxers. 

It was less than ten minutes later when Harry came, making a mess of his t-shirt, gasping through his orgasm as Louis continued to talk him through what he wanted to do to him. 

“God, Lou,” he sighed, breathless. “I love you.”

_ “Love you too, baby,” _ Louis mumbled.  _ “I’m so close.” _

“Want you to fuck me, Lou,” Harry said without really thinking. Louis moaned loudly, presumably coming, as he shouted Harry’s name. Harry’s breath caught in his throat, his spent cock twitching. Louis’ breath was coming out in small shudders.

_ “Shit, Haz,”  _ he sighed heavily.  _ “That was bold, for you.” _

“Yeah,” Harry said quietly with a small laugh. “But it’s true.”

_“Baby, if the phone sex is this good, I can’t wait for the real thing,”_ Louis rasped. _“Can’t wait until I_ _can touch you for real.”_

Harry chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully as he buttoned his jeans.  “So… you think we will definitely meet one day?”

_ “Definitely. I need that voice of yours in my ear. I need to get my hands on you. And, I need to see this mythical swimmer’s body.” _

Harry laughed loudly.

“Yeah, I want that,” he admitted.

_ “And I want  _ you, _ ” _ Louis said.  _ “God, it’s gonna be amazing, Haz.” _

He told himself not to overthink it. Louis thought they’d  _ definitely _ meet one day, which meant, at some point, he intended to tell the truth. That was good. Right?

➢

They’d been talking for a year. Harry hadn’t even thought about it until Louis was talking about the football, saying his dad tried to get them tickets for the derby but was too late. 

“Remember when we first started talking and I didn’t know what you were on about when you mentioned the derby?”

_ “Yeah!”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “I told you to educate yourself on football.” _

“You told me you didn’t know why you were wasting your time with me.”

_ “Aww,”  _  Louis laughed apologetically.  _ “I’m so glad I insisted on continuing to waste my time with you, babe. So when was that? May?” _

“Nope, April.”

_ “We’ve been talking for a year?!” _

Harry smiled to himself. He walked into the gym, frowning to see his usual locker taken. He found another that met his requirements (top row, on a corner, obviously) and pulled his backpack off.

“Can you believe it?!” Harry let out a small laugh. “It’s flown by.”

_ “It’s mad!”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “I’m a lucky boy.” _

“Aww, Lou,” Harry laughed shyly. The changing room door opened, and Harry’s smile dropped when he saw Rich, glaring at Harry as he promptly pulled his Asda shirt off and started to change into gym clothes. 

“Gotta go, Lou,” he said. “Going for a swim. I’ll text you later.”

_ “Alright, babe, I’ll let you go. Love you.” _

“Love you too,” Harry said. He glanced up at Rich’s general direction, rolling his eyes when he saw Rich watching him. “Bye.”

Harry threw his phone into his locker and quickly stripped, turning his back to Rich.

“The boyfriend, was it?” Rich asked, a barely detectable mocking in his tone. 

“Yup.” Harry tugged his swim trunks on and turned back to Rich, exaggerated smug look on his face. “He’s just the absolute best.”

Rich scoffed and shook his head. Harry rolled his eyes to himself, stuffing his backpack into the locker and fixing the key wristband around his wrist.

“Still gay, then?”

“Always.” Harry glared at him before giving him a quick wink. He darted out of the room, grinning childishly to himself as he made his way to the pool.

➢

_ Harry’s eyes were closed, his breath catching in his throat as he felt Louis’ hands running up his thighs. When his thumbs grazed the bulge in his boxers, Harry cried out, Louis’ fingers squeezing the very tops of his thighs. _

_ “Gonna fuck you senseless, Haz.” _

_ Harry tried to open his eyes to look at Louis, to finally see his face, but he couldn’t. He pulled and pulled but his eyelids were stuck as if they were glued shut. He had no option but to lay his head back on his pillow and let Louis slowly peel his boxers off, shivering as Louis’ fingertips grazed his skin. The next thing he knew, Louis’ hand was wrapped around his cock and Harry was soaring through the clouds, the wind in his hair. He was brought back down to earth when Louis’ hand disappeared. _

_ “Don’t stop, Lou.” _

_ Harry found himself turning and his face was squished into the pillow. He gasped when he felt Louis’ hands on his bum, pulling his cheeks apart and exposing his hole. He felt Louis breath, hot and fast, misting over his crack. Harry let out a small moan, arching slightly and feeling the ghost of Louis tongue- _

“Harry!” a voice shouted, yanking him out of his dream suddenly and cruelly. He groaned in annoyance, his face squished uncomfortably in his pillow. “It’s getting late!”

He glanced at the clock. He must’ve forgotten to set his alarm, because he should’ve been up twenty minutes ago. He flipped onto his back, wincing as he realised how painfully hard he was. He thanked his lucky stars he hadn’t come in his sleep, wanting to avoid the mess.

He jumped in the shower and, still reeling from the events of his dream, had a quick wank, making short work of it and managing to get to school on time. 

He couldn’t concentrate at all at school. He was in a permanent state of slight embarrassment, his face slightly flushed because he couldn’t stop thinking about the vivid feeling of hands pulling open his bum cheeks, a strong hand wrapping around him, and  _ great _ , now he was half hard in class.

“What’s going on?” Niall asked him at lunch, mouth full of chips. “You’re acting weird.”

“I’m not,” Harry protested.

“You fuckin’ are,” Niall mumbled, dipping a chip into Jess’ ketchup. “You’re acting all shy.”

“Well, it’s-” Harry bit his bottom lip and glanced sideways at Jess.

“What?” she asked, slightly indignant. “A boy thing, is it? My delicate little ears can’t take it?”

Harry rolled his eyes slightly and shrugged.

“Okay,” He raised his eyebrows. “I had a really graphic sex dream about Louis last night and I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making me feel all weird.”

“Oh yeah?” Jess tilted her head. “What happened?”

“No, no, no,” Niall shook his head. “I don’t wanna hear the details of your sex dreams.”

Harry smirked, satisfied. “Anyway. I feel all out of sorts and I can’t concentrate.”

“Well, you know how weird dreams can make you feel sometimes. Especially when they feel really real,” Jess said before shooting him a quick smirk. “You’ll be right as rain tomorrow.”

“Unless you have another wet dream.”

“Shut up, Niall,” Harry mumbled.

➢

He’d barely spoken to Louis all day, ridiculously feeling shy since his dream. He’d opened Whatsapp and looked over their previous conversation, actually blushing at their cutesy messages. He fidgeted, something stirring in his pants as parts of his dream replayed in his head for the billionth time that day.

As he stared at Louis’ messages, a new one came through.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Gimme a joke, today was SHIT _

Harry grinned shyly to himself.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Ok _

**_Haz:_ ** _ How do shellfish get to the hospital? _

Harry grinned, barely containing himself as he waited.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Go on _

**_Haz:_ ** _ In a clambulance. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Absolutely awful Patrick _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Why did the duck cross the road? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ There was a quack in the pavement _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Lol this was a mistake! UNDO! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ My dog got a job _

**_Haz:_ ** _ As a barkeologist _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You’re literally the worst! I’m dumping you _

**_Haz:_ ** _ That’ll give me more time to develop my stand up act :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! _

Harry was grinning like a mad person. His mum walked into the kitchen to find him giggling quietly with his bum propped against the worktop.

“We’re having burgers tonight, Harry.”

“Hm? Oh, sick.”

“How’s studying going?” Anne asked, eying Harry suspiciously as he looked up at her and quickly pocketed his phone.

“Oh, not bad. Can’t wait for summer. Exams out the way, all that. You know.”

Anne cocked an eyebrow, but just poured herself a cup of tea without further comment.

➢

Harry never heard the end of how very excited Louis was as the summer approached, preparing to go to Manchester University to study Drama and Screen Studies. He’d be moving out of his mum’s house, making new friends, and his absolute favourite: he’d get to quit his horrible job.

_ “I can’t believe you’re leaving me, mate,” _ Zayn sighed, his voice quiet and tinny, likely sitting away from Louis.  _ “How am I gonna cope without you?” _

_ “You’ll be fine,”  _ Louis sighed impatiently.

“Don’t be so dismissive,” Harry replied, trying to stifle his amusement, “especially considering how much you complained about being lonely when Zayn was on sick leave.”

_ “Oh!” _ Zayn laughed.  _ “Really?” _

_ “And that’s enough from Harry.” _

Harry heard some rustling and clicking and when Louis spoke, he sounded much closer than before.

_ “You’ve proven you can’t handle the responsibility of being on speakerphone.” _

“Lying’s bad, Lou,” Harry sighed airily. “Just trying to help you become a better person.”

Louis snorted loudly.  _ “Anyway, Zayn’s gonna come with me to Open Day at the weekend. I can’t wait to get a real feel for the place, you know?” _

Harry’s heart gave a sharp pang.  _ It should be me. _

“Oh, cool,” he mumbled, trying his best to conceal his annoyance. “Bet you’ll have a great day.”

_ “I can’t wait,” _ Louis replied.  _ “Part of me wishes I’d never taken a gap year, but I’ve earned some money and I suppose I had a bit of life experience.” _

_ “Oi!” _ Zayn shouted in the background.  _ “And you met me.” _

Harry pressed his lips together in a tight line, sighing quietly.

“I’m gonna leave you two alone. I’ve gotta call Niall, ask a homework question.”

_ “Alright, babe. I’ll text you later.” _

_ “Wait!”  _ Zayn called. Harry heard a small, brief commotion.  _ “Harry?” _

“Zayn?”

_ “Hang on,”  _ Zayn said. _ “Lou, stay there. Stay there!” _

“Um-”

_ “I’ve left the room, just wanted to talk in private for a sec.” _

Harry felt sweat beading at his forehead. “Oh… really?”

_ “How come Louis’ never seen a picture of you?”  _ Zayn asked, only mildly accusatory.  _ “Like - are you fake, or-” _

“How can I be fake? You’re talking to me.”

_ “You know what I mean,” _ Zayn said, an edge to his voice.  _ “Why have you never sent him a picture?” _

“It’s, I just-” Harry sighed, biting his lip and his knee shaking nervously. “I’m insecure, you know, it’s hard. Look, Louis knows me. He says it doesn’t matter to him what I look like.”

_ “But that’s not the point. In fact, if you believe him, why are you still shy to show him what you look like?” _

Harry sighed, feeling sick. He felt like he’d been caught out in his lie.

_ “You know,”  _ Zayn continued, _ “it’s probably always gonna haunt him in the back of his mind. You could be anyone.” _

“How do I know he’s not using someone else’s picture?” Harry shot back, finally having enough of being attacked. “I’ve seen one picture of him, Zayn, and that kid could be anyone.”

Zayn was silent for a few seconds. Harry guessed Louis probably hadn’t told Zayn he was using someone else’s picture, and at any rate it certainly seemed like the one picture thing was news to Zayn.

_ “You two need to meet up,”  _ Zayn finally replied.  _ “Put all this to bed.” _

“We will, Zayn.” Harry sighed. “When we’re both ready.”

➢

Harry didn’t know when he’d be ready. In some ways he was very  _ painfully _ ready. He was certainly ready to stop this irrational jealousy he was feeling, which was pushed to the limit at the weekend when Louis sent Harry regular updates of his day in Manchester with Zayn, along with a picture of Zayn dangling from a tree branch. And it definitely didn’t help that Zayn was gorgeous. His dark eyes were sparkling as Louis snapped the photo, his nose wrinkled mid-laugh. He seemed so carefree, and Harry wondered what it was like to be in Louis’ presence.

**_Haz:_ ** _ And why are there no pictures of you, hm :) _

Harry wasn’t sure if he was trying to keep up appearances or he was being perverse. 

**_Louis:_** _I don’t really like having my photo taken babe_

**_Haz:_ ** _ Aww _

Louis fell silent and Harry wondered if he was scrambling over to Facebook. He’d put up a few new carefully chosen pictures last week that he’d made sure Louis would be able to see. Sure enough-

**_Louis:_ ** _ But here’s a recent pic, it’s from a couple of weeks ago _

As Harry waited for the picture to come through, he wondered which one Louis had picked. When it appeared, Harry was somewhat pleased with his choice.

It was taken a couple of months ago. He’d been sitting in his garden with Niall who was teasing him because he’d just spoken to Louis on the phone. He’d said that Harry looked so happy he needed to take a picture, and Harry had half heartedly objected. It was obvious in the picture that Harry was absolutely, completely smitten. 

**_Haz:_ ** _ You look so happy Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Why wouldn’t I be when I have you ;) _

Harry got some kind of twisted satisfaction from the fact that he looked so happy in the photo because of Louis himself.

➢

Harry, Niall, and Jess slogged their way through their exams and, much to their annoyance, had to go back to lessons once they were complete. Still, the summer was three weeks away and none of them could wait.

“I wanna go on holiday,” Harry whined. “We should go on holiday, the three of us.”

“You’re the only one with a job, Harry,” Jess sighed, annoyed. “Unless you wanna pay for all of us.”

“Okay, I’m not made of money.”

“Come to Ireland with me!”

“No, Niall,” Harry said. “I’ve got to work, anyway.”

“Why’d you start talking about a holiday, then?” Jess asked.

“I don’t know,” Harry replied impatiently. “Just wanna lie on a beach with a cold drink.”

“Well, we’ll go to Eastbourne over the summer and get you a Sprite.”

Harry glared darkly at Jess.

➢

Summer  _ finally  _ arrived, and Louis was making his final preparations to move to Manchester. In the first week of August he handed in his two weeks’ notice at work; he’d planned to leave a bit nearer to his Uni start date, but he couldn’t take any more.

One Tuesday, Harry was let go from work early, happily leaving the bakery and walking out into brilliant sunshine. He squinted against the light despite his sunglasses, dialling Louis’ number.

“What ya doing?!”

_ “I just got out of work.” _

“Me too! Might go for a swim.”

_ “Oh, God,”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “What a fucking thought, Haz, honestly.” _

“You alright, Lou?” Harry laughed. “You sound… strained?”

_ “I tell you what, when I woke up this morning I was  _ so _ hard… And I just didn’t have time to adequately deal with it. I just had to settle for a very basic sad wank in the shower.” _

“Lou!” Harry whined. “Come on, I’m in the bloody street.”

_ “I can just imagine you, strolling down the street in the sun, gentle breeze in your hair... bet you look well sexy.” _

“Uh- no…” Harry replied awkwardly. “And I wish there was a breeze.”

Louis sighed heavily.

_ “I wish I could just come and see you,” _ he said quietly.  _ “Especially when I’m this fucking horny.” _

Harry sighed with a sort of groan, turning into the deserted car park of a pub and sitting on the low wall.

“You think we’d have gone all the way by now?” Harry asked, quiet enough to make sure no one could overhear. “If we were in a normal relationship, you know.”

_ “Yeah, I reckon. I mean, as long as you’d been comfortable. I’d have taken it really slow, but we’ve been together nearly a year, so I definitely think we’d have reached that point by now.” _

The two of them were silent for a few moments.

“Wow, it  _ is _ nearly a year. August 28th we got together properly,” Harry sighed. “We will meet each other, one day?”

_ “‘Course, love,”  _ Louis reassured him.  _ “But one step at a time, H. You’re not even comfortable enough to send me a photo yet.” _

Harry mumbled incoherently, unsure what to say. He was so desperate to meet Louis. The truth was twitching on the tip of his tongue; he swallowed it.

“I know,” he mumbled. “But I’m getting there. Wanna meet you so much.”

_ “Me too. Don’t try and push yourself before you’re ready though, babe. I love you.” _

“Love you too. I’m sorry.”

_ “Don’t apologise!” _ Louis said brightly.  _ “It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. And in the meantime, I’ll have to satisfy myself with getting you all worked up over the phone. Listening to you moan when you touch yourself thinking about me.” _

“God, Lou,” Harry sighed quietly, nervously eyeing an elderly woman walking past on the pavement and smiling over to him. “You’re very good at it.”

_ “Look, I’m gonna go because I’ve been sitting in my car for fifteen minutes now in the car park. But I’m gonna ring you at bedtime.” _

Harry sighed once again. “I’ll look forward to it.”

➢

_ “Lay on your side, babe,” _ Louis told him.  _ “Can you pretend I’m pressed against your back?” _

“Mm,” Harry agreed, eyes closed, lazily stroking himself to full hardness. “What else, Lou?”

_ “I’m, uh, kissing the back of your neck. And my hand is squeezing your hip.” _

“Hm? ‘S nice.”

_ “You feel like rocking your hips back? Pushing your bum into me?” _

“Yeah.” Harry swallowed, eyes still shut, wriggling on his bed and winding his hips backwards. “Mm, what’s that poking me, Lou? You’re so hard.”

_ “So fucking hard.”  _

“Grind up on me,” Harry grunted, pumping his hand a bit harder. “Get off against me.”

_ “Fuck,” _ Louis whispered.  _ “Okay, I’m running my hand down your body, and now I’m stroking your inner thigh.” _

“You’re a fucking tease,” Harry moaned.

_ “I love how much it turns you on. It gets to you, doesn’t it?” _

Harry sighed loudly. He removed his right hand from his cock, balancing his phone on his ear and using his left hand to gently graze the inside of his thigh. It had the desired effect; he let out a loud, involuntary moan and he mentally scolded himself and hoped his mum didn’t hear.

_ “God, you’re sexy. So beautiful.” _

A shiver ran down Harry’s spine, and as crazy as it seemed, he really thought he could feel Louis’ breath, hot on his ear and tickling in his hair.

“Louis…” Harry whined. “Touch me. Fuck.”

_ “Alright, babe. Getting my fingers around you now. Fuck, you’re so hard.” _

“Really fucking hard,” Harry agreed, wrapping his left hand around his cock. “Your hand feels so good, Lou, can’t help moving my hips. You rubbing up against me?”

_ “Fuck, yeah. Could come like this, Haz. Thrusting against your gorgeous arse.”  _ Louis made some kind of choking sound, making Harry’s cock twitch.  _ “Can’t wait to fuck you one day.” _

“Shit.”

_ “Pumping my hand, Haz, going fast. Want to see you come.” _

Harry tightened his grip, moving his hand quickly. It felt clumsy and weird - he wasn’t used to wanking with his left hand - which just served to help his imagination that it wasn’t actually his hand. 

_ “That feel good?” _ Louis said, quiet and strained.  _ “What about my dick pressing into your crack?” _

Harry, in one swift motion, used his right hand to stuff the corner of his duvet into his mouth and came a split second later, desperately crying out and whining breathlessly, tilting his head slightly to make sure Louis could hear the muffled sounds of his orgasm. He saw stars, clenching his eyes shut and rocking left to right as he came everywhere, making an utter mess of his sheet and duvet. 

_ “Jesus Christ, Harry, what the fuck?”  _ Louis groaned down the phone, grunting, breathless.  _ “The noises you make are fucking obscene.” _

“You close, Lou?” Harry sighed, still short of breath as he came down from the most intense orgasm he’d had in a while, maybe ever. 

_ “Mm.” _

“I’m covered in come,” Harry told him. “Made such a mess. You gonna make a mess, Lou? Want me to lick it off?”

Harry smiled, satisfied as he heard the telltale sound of Louis coming, the high pitched whine coupled with a string of barely coherent profanities. He didn’t speak for nearly a minute; Harry was content to listen to Louis’ breath recovering, slowing and eventually returning to normal. 

_ “Fucking hell,”  _  Louis finally said.  _ “We’re gonna have a lot of fun when we get together, babe.” _

“I love you.”

➢

Harry got his AS level results - Two As, two Bs. He was pretty content with that and he went out with Jess and Niall for ice cream to celebrate. Harry couldn’t help but observe that the two of them seemed close again, and when he came back from ordering his sundae, Niall was touching Jess’ face. He quickly moved his hand away as Harry slid into the booth.

“Don’t start, you two,” Harry said lightly, smirking. 

“Shut up,” Jess scolded, hiding her face behind the menu as she turned red.

“If you two are keeping secrets from me I will unleash hell on the both of you.”

“I’m thinking of getting a waffle  _ and _ a crepe,” Niall mused, ignoring Harry.

“Niall, you’ll be sick,” Jess sighed.

“I will not,” he protested.

“You always overeat and then complain about feeling ill. Your eyes are bigger than your belly, Niall.”

Harry propped his chin on his palm, watching with flat amusement as his friends bickered.

“Okay,” Niall pointed at Jess, raising his eyebrows, “but remember your birthday last week, I ate so much at dinner-”

Niall stopped abruptly, eyes widening as he slowly turned to look at Jess who was scowling at him.

“You guys went for dinner for your birthday?!” Harry asked Jess. “What the hell, you said you didn’t want to do anything. You said you were busy with your family!”

Jess stared down at the table, a very slight grin on her face, her cheeks bright red. Niall was chewing the inside of his cheek, looking anywhere but at Harry.

“Oh, you bastards,” Harry said incredulously, not sure whether he was more annoyed or amused. “How long have you two been seeing each other in secret then, hm?”

“We’re not,” Jess said quickly, lifting her head and glancing quickly at Harry. “Just dinner.”

“I can’t believe this,” he replied, finally betraying a small grin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, look at you!” Niall said, throwing his hands in the air and letting them drop down on the table. “We don’t wanna make a big deal out of it, it’ll put pressure on us. Look, you’re too excited.”

Harry huddled into himself, pushing his hands between his thighs and making himself small.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he smiled sheepishly from Niall to Jess and back again. “I’ll back off.”

➢

Louis had finally left his job and he was elated. Zayn was apparently distraught and Harry got some kind of sick satisfaction out of that. It was short lived, as Louis prepared to go off to Uni.

“You’re gonna be busy, Lou.”

_ “I’m looking forward to getting my teeth into something. The fact I’ll be using my brain after a year of working in that shithole is a blessing.” _

Harry chewed on his thumbnail as he paced the backroom of the bakery, clutching a tuna sandwich that he didn’t really have the appetite for.

“You’ll make time for me though, won’t you?”

_ “What? Course babe!” _

“Alright.”

_ “Are you worried about that?” _ Louis asked softly.  _ “I’ll never be too busy for you, Haz.” _

“Not worried, but…” he shrugged to himself. “Been thinkin’ about it.”

_ “Well, you’re a priority to me.” _

Harry smiled at that. “Thank you, Louis.”

_ “Hey, Harry?”  _

“Mm?”

_ “Well, when I’m at Uni, I’m gonna be a lot closer to you.” _ Louis fell silent for a few seconds.  _ “Do you think we can talk about meeting up?” _

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek, sighing inwardly. He paused to gather a response.

_ “I mean…”  _  Louis said quickly.  _ “If you’re comfortable. I just wanna talk about it.” _

“Yeah, of course, Lou,” Harry sighed. “We can chat about it, yeah.”

Anxiety coursed through Harry’s veins. This problem was never going to go away. If Louis was willing to face the truth, then maybe Harry should, too. It was time to come clean.

_ “Great!” _ Louis said, joy and relief evident in his voice.  _ “Well, let’s discuss it nearer the time. I really can’t wait for us to meet each other, Haz.” _

➢

Harry started his second year of sixth form and a few weeks later, Louis moved to Manchester. Harry was constantly on edge, fearing the moment Louis brought up meeting up. 

**_Haz:_ ** _ How’s it goin? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m EXHAUSTED. Moving is tiring, I’ve never done it before _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Met your roommate? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah he helped me bring some of my stuff from the car he’s really nice! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ His name’s Jamie, he’s making me a sandwich as we speak _

**_Haz:_ ** _ LOL that’s amazing! _

“Can you pay attention to  _ me,  _ please?”

Harry snapped his head up.

“Sorry, Ni,” he sighed. “What were you saying?”

“I was saying…” Niall huffed exaggeratedly. “Now that I’m 18, I can go clubbing every weekend.”

“Yeah but, you won’t.”

“I fucking will.”

“You’re too sensible. You won’t risk your schoolwork like that. Anyway, who’re you gonna go with? Your brother?”

“I have other friends aside from you and Jess, you know.”

“In Ireland.”

Niall folded his arms and promptly started to sulk. Harry laughed, waving over as Jess walked into the classroom.

“I thought you guys were supposed to be studying in here,” Jess said, eyeing their phones and lunch on the desk.

“We’ve gotta eat, Jess.”

“Why are you sulking?” She asked Niall with a slight smirk. She walked behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Harry recoiled slightly. He still wasn’t used to  _ them  _ as a couple _. _

“Harry’s an arsehole, that’s why.”

Harry rolled his eyes and picked his phone up.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I wish I was eating lunch with you, I’m playing third wheel as usual _

**_Louis:_ ** _ :) But babe I’d get distracted and get nothing done _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I can imagine it now… Bringing in some boxes… sitting on the bed for a little rest… bit of a kiss… _

**_Haz:_ ** _ God Lou don’t start I’m at school LOL _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You’d end up on your back… with moi on top of you _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m putting my phone down!!! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ As if! Would you prefer the thought of us rolling around on your lunch table? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Shame, I’m in a classroom :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Hmm, a desk, even better ;) _

Harry fidgeted slightly in his seat, looking up at Niall and Jess who were giggling and play-fighting over a sandwich.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Anyone could walk in and catch us in any of those situations _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Exactly ;) _

Harry smirked, rolling his eyes and laying his phone face down on the table. A few more kids started to file into the room and the three of them tidied up their lunch things. Harry thanked his past self for sitting himself in his usual seat. He was a bit hard and very grateful he didn’t have to move chairs.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Leave me alone now LOL get on with your moving in, some of us have lessons _

➢

Louis settled in and kept his promise to make time for Harry. When they both had the time, they often spent hours at a time on the phone gossiping, talking about school, indulging in varying levels of phone sex, and sometimes just sitting on the line in silence while they watched TV or did some homework. Occasionally, they’d stay on the phone until one of them fell asleep. 

When Halloween rolled around, Harry stayed in for the first time in years. 

“I mean, it’s a school night. I don’t have the energy. Do you think I’m boring?”

_ “No babe. I think it’s cool you’re thinking sensibly.” _

“Niall’s not impressed.”

Louis snorted down the line.  _ “And he’ll feel like shit at school in the morning.” _

“Yeah,” Harry sighed, still not convinced he wasn’t being a loser by staying home. “What you up to, then?”

_ “Gonna play some FIFA in a bit before bed. I’m bloody knackered! I don’t know how everyone here parties all the time.” _

“I’m sure you’ll find the time eventually,” Harry said, picking at the sleeve of his jumper, feeling awful for hoping Louis doesn’t actually want to go out and party. “Who needs sleep anyway?”

_ “Me!” _ Louis laughed.  _ “Wonder if my sisters had a good time trick-or-treating. I always used to take them.” _

Harry sighed, looking out his bedroom window at a group of kids knocking on his neighbour’s door.

“Can’t wait to be eighteen,” Harry sighed. “Can’t wait to move out.”

_ “Why, babe?” _

Harry shrugged, knowing full well Louis couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know. I just want to be an adult. Live on my own and fend for myself.”

_ “Harry, I had Pot Noodle for dinner three times last week.”  _ Louis said flatly.  _ “Fending for yourself is not all it’s cracked up to be.” _

“You’re living in luxury with Pot Noodle. Sainsbury’s Basics instant noodles are only 30p a pack.”

_ “What am I, a caveman?” _

Harry snorted with amusement. “Okay, but please eat proper meals at least sometimes.”

_ “I’m going home on Sunday for a roast.” _

“Good lad.”

Louis was quiet for a few seconds, sniffing before taking an audible breath.

_ “Haz… can I ask you something?” _

“Mmhmm.”

_ “Um- well…”  _ he cleared his throat.  _ “I was thinking about the Christmas holidays and I was kind of just wondering if you might like to talk about meeting up then. Only if you want to! I just thought it might be nice to meet up at Christmas. It’s so romantic, make it a Christmas to remember? Go ice skating, and-” _

“Lou, you’re rambling,” Harry said kindly. Louis fell silent. Harry too, as he tried to quickly think over what Louis had said. Fuck it. “That’s a good idea, love.”

_ “Really?!” _

“Yeah,” Harry said, finally smiling to himself. 

➢

The countdown was on. They were going to meet sometime between Christmas and New Year, once Louis was back from Doncaster. It was terrifying and Harry was most definitely going to put off the truth until the very last minute. In fact, he might just wait for Louis to come clean, and if he didn’t, then… Well…

They didn’t really talk about it after making the preliminary arrangements. Harry was too nervous and actually avoided thinking about it. Louis started to get busy anyway, and they’d started to speak a little less. As winter set in during November, Harry felt glum. Louis was busy and Jess and Niall had become too preoccupied with each other to remember Harry’s existence. The days he came home to an empty house, he often went straight to his room and had a wank just to have something to do with himself.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’ll definitely call you tomorrow babe. Promise! I’m falling asleep right now _

**_Haz:_ ** _ It’s ok Lou. I miss you.  And I wanna get off listening to your voice tomorrow ;) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ YES, can you believe I’ve not found the time for a wank all week :( it’s a date! _

➢

Their phone sex sessions felt a little more charged, knowing they’d be meeting in a matter of weeks. When Louis told Harry he wanted to fuck him into oblivion or kiss every inch of his skin, it actually held some weight considering these were things they  _ actually could be doing before the year was out.  _ And frankly, that terrified Harry. He was suddenly irrationally second guessing Louis and his intentions, revisiting the mad idea that he could be a 47 year old man. Doubts as to whether he really was ready were starting to creep in and he tried to suppress them. He needed to power through and just get this done.

In the meantime, after speaking about it at length with his mum, Harry resolved to come out to his dad. On Anne’s advice, Harry invited his dad round for a Sunday roast, the theory being that Harry would feel more comfortable being on his own territory, so to speak. And Anne would be there if he needed her.

“Dad, I’m gay.”

Des blinked at Harry, glancing up at Anne who was sitting next to Harry, on the arm of the sofa, watching Des closely. When their eyes met, Anne looked down at Harry.

“Alright,” Des sighed, scratching behind his ear anxiously. “Thanks for telling me. How long have you known?”

Harry glanced up at his mum and shrugged. “Couple of years, I suppose. Maybe longer.”

Des kept looking at Anne. He seemed nervous, Harry observed, which made him feel somewhat better.

“Gemma know?”

Harry nodded in silence. Anne squeezed his hand where she was clutching it and Harry was so, so grateful to have his mum with him.

“Okay, well...” Des looked between the two of them. “I can’t say I’m surprised, as such. But…” He cleared his throat. “So, how’s… how’s… things? Is it… okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Harry beamed. He felt relieved, slightly amused, and endeared by his father’s inability to find his words. “Things are great.”

“Good,” Des nodded. “If you’re healthy and happy, that’s what matters.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“So, am I staying for dinner, or was that just a ruse to get me here?”

Harry laughed. “Both, Dad.”

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m so lucky to have such a supportive family. I’m so relieved. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Really proud of you babe! _

➢

Towards the end of November, although Louis and Harry were speaking regularly, Harry felt a shift. Louis was often quiet, saying he was tired if Harry asked him, but Louis seemed off-kilter. One late Saturday night, both of them in post-orgasm haze, Harry bit the bullet.

“Lou? What’s been going on with you this past week?”

_ “Hm, what?” _

“I know you’re not just tired, love.”

Harry heard movement on the end of the line, before Louis sighed.

_ “It’s hard to say,”  _ Louis said quietly.  _ “I’m just, erm… I’m a bit nervous. About us meeting.” _

“Yeah? Me too.”

_ “I need to be honest, Harry.” _

Harry’s heart started hammering in his chest, bile creeping up into his throat.  _ This was it. _ Crunch time.

“Oh?”

_ “The truth is, I’m just not sure I’m quite ready yet. I’m sorry, Haz. I know meeting was my idea but it’s just… it’s massive, you know?” _

Oh, right. Not the truth Harry was expecting. He found himself sighing with relief. 

“I do know, Lou. I was feeling the same. Mad, isn’t it? We’ve been speaking for ages.”

_ “Feel like a bloody teenager,” _ Louis laughed awkwardly.  _ “Like I’m not grown up enough to handle all this.” _

“I know what you mean. Look, we’ll meet eventually. But let’s wait until we’re both comfortable. It would be bad to force it.”

_ “I love you.” _

“I love you too,” Harry said, smiling to himself. Relief was still flowing through him but a tiny niggling disappointment was prodding at him, too. “Lou, can I ask you something?”

_ “Of course.” _

Harry sighed to himself. 

“What happens if you meet someone?” he asked, his voice not as steady as he would’ve hoped. “You’re probably gonna meet a lot of guys at uni and what if-”

_ “Harry, stop,”  _  Louis soothed.  _ “What do you mean, ‘what happens’? I’m with you.” _

“Yeah, but… It’d be much easier and satisfying for you to be in a real-life relationship. Where you can touch, and kiss, and…”

_ “Hazza, this is the real deal to me, whether we’ve met or not. You’re my boyfriend. That’s the bottom line, and I’m not gonna take a second glance at anyone around here. Whether we’ve met or not doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna cheat on you.” _

“Okay,” Harry mumbled. He didn’t feel very okay now that he’d brought it up.

_ “Harry, if you met someone, would you turn to them to have the physical relationship you’re not getting with me?” _

“No. I love you. It’s difficult sometimes, but it’s worth it.”

_ “So why would you think I felt any different? Don’t you trust me?” _

Harry sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair. It was getting long; his mum was on his case now as well as his nan about cutting it. Still no chance.

“I do, but… I don’t know, Lou. You’re an adult, you know? You’ve been out there and had real life relationships, and sex. I suppose I don’t see why you’d be happy to go without that just for me.”

_ “We need to work on your confidence, my love,”  _ Louis said to him.  _ “You’re worth it, babe, you’re so worth it. One day I’ll prove it to you in person.” _

Harry’s bottom lip wobbled. He was right, Harry needed to work on his confidence. He had low moments, feeling bad about himself for lying to Louis and holding him back. Poor Louis was at University and was tied down to a faceless boy from the internet. Well, not faceless. God, Louis had  _ no _ idea. 

It was the Christmas holidays, and Niall went off to Ireland with his family until the new year. Harry wanted to ask Louis for an address to send him a birthday card, but considering they were both feeling a little sensitive about their situation, he couldn’t work up the courage. 

Jess was sitting on Harry’s sofa just two days before christmas, Harry sitting between her legs whilst she massaged his shoulders.

“The problem with Niall,” she said, and Harry sighed inwardly, “is he takes everything at face value. Have you ever noticed that?”

“Like what?”

“I mean, I said he didn’t have to get me much for Christmas. Just a little token gift. But I think he is  _ actually _ just gonna get me a little token gift. He should know to get me something nice, surely?”

“Are you actually serious?” Harry sighed heavily. “Why don’t you try saying what you mean for once?”

“Shut up,” Jess grumbled. “I just mean that he doesn’t think deeply into anything.”

“Well, Niall’s a simple guy with simple pleasures,” he said, craning round to address her and, gross, he did  _ not  _ need to see the slight blush colour her cheeks.”I think he deserves a bit more credit.”

“Hmm,” she mumbled thoughtfully, moving her fingers down Harry’s back. “You’re getting really toned, Haz.”

It was Harry’s turn to flush slightly, feeling kind of proud. He loved swimming and he loved the shape it was giving him even more. If things had been a bit different, he could’ve been showing off his figure to Louis in a matter of days…

As if he was summoned, Harry’s phone vibrated in his pocket. 

“Hi, Lou.”

_ “Hiya babe, what you up to?” _

“Just getting a very intimate massage from a very sexy lady.”

_ “Is it your mum?” _

“Lou!” Harry laughed in surprise. “You haven’t even seen my mum.”

_ “I bet she’s gorgeous.” _

“Stop! Oh my God.” He laughed. “You going out tonight?”

_ “Yeah, I’m going out with Zayn, and Stan’s back for Christmas, too. So I’m gonna introduce them and we’re all gonna go out. Just to the pub, though. I’m too tired for clubbing.” _

“You’re getting old,” Harry said, grinning to himself. “Well, happy early birthday.”

_ “Thanks babe,”  _ Louis replied warmly, inhaling as if he was about to speak but pausing for a few seconds.  _ “Haz, I’m really sorry about next week. I was thinking about it last night and got a bit tearful, if I’m honest. I want to meet you so much.” _

“Oh, Lou, it’s okay,” Harry sighed. “I really wanna meet you too. 2012?”

_ “2012,”  _ Louis said resolutely.  _ “No matter what.” _

➢

Harry had an unremarkable but lovely Christmas. He spent Boxing Day with his dad, feeling closer and much more relaxed with him now he’d shared his biggest secret with him. 

Louis was 20, and Harry felt like the age gap was a lifetime. Harry felt like he was staring ahead at adulthood and still had one foot still in his childhood. Louis was in his 20s and that felt insane to Harry who felt left behind, still 17. He couldn’t wait to turn 18, hoping the odd feeling would subside once he was officially a fully fledged adult.

Harry didn’t go out for New Year’s Eve. Niall was away in Ireland and Jess had been very anti-social since he’d gone away. Next year, when he was eighteen, he’d go out properly but for now, he just wanted a quiet night in, surrounded with snacks, watching a film.

**_Louis:_ ** _ One day I’ll ring in the new year with you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Kiss you at midnight _

**_Louis:_** _Dance with you and grind against you_

**_Louis:_** _Until we can’t take it anymore and have to dash home_

**_Louis:_ ** _ Or find a dark alley ;) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ HAHA Lou _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m so horny at the moment _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Just don’t grind up against anyone at your party _

**_Louis:_ ** _ If it’s not you I’m not grinding on it _

Harry laughed out loud, squirming slightly. Thank God he was home alone. He palmed himself slightly with his free hand.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Go and enjoy your party love!  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ How am I supposed to enjoy it now I’m thinking about you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I need to get out of here before I embarrass myself by popping a boner _

**_Haz:_ ** _ You can’t go home Lou it’s New Year! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Gonna sit in the garden… like last year LOL _

Harry glanced at the clock. It was just past eleven.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m not letting you miss midnight again _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You can’t tell me what to do :P _

Harry sighed, free hand resting on top of the crotch of his jeans.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m outside. Can I call you? _

Harry rolled his eyes, pressing “call” on Louis’ name.

“Louis, I’m perfectly fine sitting here and seeing in the new year with the cat and some popcorn.”

_ “I love you,”  _ Louis whined.  _ “I just wanna see the new year in while talking to you.” _

“Alright,” Harry laughed.

_ “So,”  _  Louis said.  _ “Take your clothes off.” _

“What?” Harry said, letting out a small laugh. “Really? You wanna do this when you’re at a party?”

_ “Oh, yeah, even better,”  _ Louis said, his voice low.

“God,” Harry sighed, climbing to his feet and running up to his room. “Why do I drop my trousers immediately when you say so?”

_ “Because you love me. Are you naked yet?” _

“One sec.”

Harry put his phone down on the bed and pulled his clothes off, dumping them in a pile on his floor before bouncing down onto his bed.

_ “Can I ask you something?” _

“Mm?”

_ “You ever fingered yourself?” _

Harry’s breath hitched in his throat. He swallowed and took a deep breath. “Uh- no.”

He heard Louis exhale slowly on the line, before clearing his throat.  _ “Did you buy the lube, babe?” _

Louis had instructed Harry to buy some lube,  _ just in case. _ He’d made Niall come with him, realising half way through the transaction that people might think that Niall was his boyfriend. He was far more mortified by the idea than Niall was.

“Got it,” he replied, quickly rifling through his underwear drawer and finding the bottle right at the back, hidden in a sock. 

_ “You feel up for trying it out, babe? Fingering yourself?” _ Louis let out a heavy breath.  _ “I wanna talk you through it.” _

“I think so. Yeah.”

_ “Okay,” _ Louis said, trying to sound together and authoritative but betraying a slight tremor in his voice.  _ “Your nails short?” _

Harry focused as hard as he could on listening to what Louis was saying. “Um? Yeah. What position should I be in?”

_ “Whatever’s comfortable for you, babe.” _

Harry wriggled around a bit, trying a few positions before settling down.

“Okay. Ready.”

_ “How have I got you, love?” _

“I’m laying on my side,” Harry said quietly. “Bum twisted upwards. Think I can reach better this way.”

_ “Sounds lovely. Okay, first of all, I want you to squeeze a little bit of lube onto your middle fingertip.” _

Harry clicked open the bottle and he heard Louis’ breath hitch.

“Lou?” Harry enquired, amusement in his voice.

_ “Fuck. Even just the sound of a lube cap does it for me.” _

Harry giggled quietly as he squeezed a small amount of the liquid onto his fingertip, rubbing and spreading it slightly with his thumb.

“Now what?”

_ “Go on, love,”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “Just go slow and gentle. Just run your fingertip over your hole.” _

Harry sighed audibly, slowly pushing his finger between his cheeks, tracing over his hole. The pulses of pleasure surprised him and he let out a quiet moan.

“Okay…” Harry smiled to himself. “So far so good.”

_ “Good,” _ Louis laughed.  _ “I should’ve gone home for this. This is torture.” _

“I love you,” Harry said, closing his eyes and continuing to stroke over the ring of muscle. 

_ “Love you too,”  _ Louis said softly. _ “How does it feel?” _

“Yeah, it’s nice.”

_ “You ready to carry on?” _

“Yeah.”

_ “Push your fingertip in a bit. Go slow, love. Get more lube if you need to. Get it all over your finger.” _

Harry continued to stroke, pushing at his hole gently. Louis stayed mostly silent, a quiet, strained noise hitting Harry every so often, making him moan back down the phone. He put his phone on speaker, placing it on the pillow next to his head and wrapping his left hand around his dick after drizzling more lube on his middle finger. He pushed in more insistently, involuntarily clenching around his fingertip.

“Oh,” Harry said. “Feels a bit weird.”

_ “That’s okay. Keep going slow. It’s gonna get better in a minute, just don’t make yourself uncomfortable.” _

It felt uncomfortable. Not unpleasant as such, but…

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Harry breathed. “Erm… on the phone. You know.”

_ “Yeah,”  _ Louis said fondly.  _ “I’m happy I’m here for this experience.” _

“Mm,” Harry said, furrowing his brow, eyes still closed. “Think it’s starting to feel less weird, Lou.”

_ “Stroke with your finger a bit. Open yourself up, babe.” _

Harry sighed, squirming from the movement of his own finger. He pushed in a little further, wincing as he hole clenched around him. 

“Uh…” Harry breathed out.

_ “Doing so well, babe,”  _ Louis said quietly.  _ “Fuck.” _

“You okay, Lou?” Harry croaked.

_ “Yeah, Haz. Just…”  _  Louis let out a small, choked laugh.  _ “Just trying to work out if I can get away with having a wank out here.” _

“No!” Harry said with a slight moan. “Don’t show the goods around, I’ll get jealous.”

_ “Harry!” _ Louis said with a strained laugh. 

Harry slowly but surely opened himself up, getting used to the feeling and eventually being able to slip his index finger in alongside his middle finger. He was still a little uncomfortable, but it was become more and more pleasurable, moving his fingers inside himself, rocking and groaning, eager for more.

_ “Doing so well, babe,” _ Louis panted.  _ “Love you so much.” _

“Wanna be with you, Lou,” Harry moaned, sloppily pumping his dick with his left hand. “What you doing?”

_ “Fucking rubbing myself through my jeans,”  _ Louis huffed.  _ “I’m gonna come soon if you keep making those noises.” _

Harry let out a loud, throaty moan, smirking to himself when Louis gasped.

“One day…” Harry mumbled, “I’m gonna play with you… tease you so, so bad until you beg for it…”

_ “Jesus, Harry!” _ Louis groaned incredulously.  _ “You’re filthy.” _

“I learn from the best, darling.” He was getting into the rhythm now, picking up speed and crying out as he fucked himself on his fingers. “I’m gonna come soon, Lou.”

_ “Well done, babe, how’s it feeling now?” _

“A bit sore. But so fucking good. Lou, want you inside me so, so bad.”

_ “Jesus,” _ Louis whispered.  _ “Harry, I’m literally gonna come in my pants.” _

Harry clumsily pumped his fist up and down his shaft, little moans bubbling from his throat as he hurtled towards his release. The muscles in his right forearm were starting to cramp as he pushed his fingers in and out erratically, knowing somewhere in his mind that he was probably hurting himself but not caring as he made a show of crying out loudly, making a mess as he finally came up his chest, over his hand and on his sheets. From the sounds of it, Louis wasn’t far behind, letting out a significantly quieter, strangled moan.

“God,” Harry sighed, breathless. He winced as he slowly pulled his fingers from his hole, clenching around the digits involuntarily. “Ow.”

_ “Oh, babe.” _ Louis sighed.  _ “You’ll learn to love the ache.” _

Harry believed him. He believed him and wanted to experience it in full technicolour realism. He wanted Louis inside of him in place of his own fingers. In his dazed state, he glanced up at the clock.

“Shit! Lou, it’s twenty past midnight.”

_ “Aw, happy new year, babe!” _ Louis sighed happily.  _ “What a way to see the new year in.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Please reblog me](http://waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee.tumblr.com/post/157664822031/when-we-were-younger) xx


	3. Year Three

**Year Three**

 

Nothing could bring Harry down on this bright, wintery morning, climbing out of bed and wincing at the uncomfortable soreness in his arse. He still felt the void that he was saving for Louis, knowing that, at least sexually, he was very, very ready to meet him.

In every other way, however, he was not.

He very much missed Louis in the moment, wanting to be with him despite never having actually been with him. It was hitting him now more than ever.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Morning my love! How’s your bum? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ It wants you :( _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Haha oh babe _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Want you too! This situation is difficult sometimes isn’t it _

Harry sighed, throwing his phone down on the table as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. Too right it was difficult. For Harry, he woke up feeling like something had shifted; Louis was walking him through new and daunting experiences and that made Harry feel closer to him than ever, more  _ in love _ with him than ever. 

“Did you have a good night, my darling?” Anne asked as Harry slumped down at the breakfast table. “I was surprised you were asleep when I got home.”

“Yeah I had a great night,” he smiled. “I went to bed early, I was tired.”

“Did you just watch some films, then?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, gratefully sipping at the tea his mum put in front of him. “Good night?”

“Yeah!” Anne said, dropping into the chair opposite Harry. “Not too bad.”

Harry continued to spend the day out of sorts. On the one hand, he felt like he’d formed yet a new bond with Louis, but on the other hand, the separation was beginning to take its toll. He knew Louis would be busy, his house full of family, so he left him alone for the day. 

The next day, it started to snow in Holmes Chapel and Harry was irritated. It made his walk to work a lot more difficult, having to go at about half the speed, and it also meant that they didn’t get many customers. Still, being a bakery, it was warm inside and so people often hung around for a chat. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ I wanna come for a chat :( I’m about to drive back to uni and it’s gonna be freezing in me car! _

**_Haz:_** _Oh Lou. You need a better car lol. Wish I could warm you up xx_

Niall came bounding into the bakery, demanding a cheese sandwich on a nice crusty roll. 

“So, you’re back,” Harry said.

“Good observation,” Niall snorted. “What’s been going on around here?”

Harry rolled his eyes in lieu of answering. Nothing ever happened around here. The only interesting thing to report was that a dog ran into the estate agents, knocked over the coat stand which smashed the window. He didn’t bother to tell Niall the story.

“Where’s Jess, then?” Harry asked.

“Not seen her yet,” Niall shrugged. Harry cocked an eyebrow. “Gonna go over in a minute.”

“I see,” Harry said, amusement on his face. “Well, stay safe.”

“Shut up,” Niall mumbled, snatching his lunch from Harry’s outstretched hand and slamming coins down on the counter.

➢

_ “Guess what?” _

“What?” Harry asked as he arrived home from school. It had been a stressful day. They were starting to prepare to apply for Universities and the process was one giant ballache. Harry walked into the living room at once and plopped himself down on the sofa.

_ “Gonna finally do my Skydiving in a few weeks! Fifth of February.” _

“God, I forgot about that.”

_ “Yeah, I completely forgot to tell you I booked it a few months ago.” _

“I’m happy for you,” Harry said. “But please don’t die. That would be a crap birthday present.”

_ “I’ll try my best, babe,” _ Louis replied.  _ “Don’t worry about it, Haz.” _

“The thought of it makes me feel sick!”

➢

Harry turned eighteen, going to Niall’s for a little party with Jess but texting Louis the whole night. He wished they could celebrate together, and they’d chat when Harry got home, but until then he had to settle for third-wheeling.

“I need new friends,” Harry grumbled towards the end of the night when they were all pretty tipsy, and Niall and Jess started to snog on the sofa. “You don’t think you two could stop sucking face for a few hours?”

“You gotta celebrate love in all its forms!” Niall slurred, pointing firmly at Harry. “Don’t judge.”

“I’m not judging, I just foolishly thought people would pay attention to me. On my birthday.”

“I told ya we should’ve thrown him a party,” Niall mumbled to Jess.

“I’m going home!” Harry laughed. “See you at school tomorrow. Don’t drink any more.”

He ignored his friends’ protests, waving them both goodbye as he emerged into the cool night, dialling Louis immediately.

_ “Hey, babe! Home already?” _

“Just left, the terrible twosome were getting a bit handsy for my liking.”

_ “I assume you mean with each other, not with you,” _ Louis laughed.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I feel like I’m in a teen sitcom. I got them together but now they’re ousting me.”

_ “Oh, love,”  _ Louis laughed again.  _ “You know what it’s like at the start of a relationship. Can’t keep your hands off each other and all that.” _

Harry sighed exaggeratedly.  “Really, Lou? Do you really think I know what that's like?”

_ “Okay. Fair point, sorry babe!” _

“You’re in trouble,” Harry said, laughing slightly. “What are you up to?”

_ “Just doing some reading,”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “Tired though, my eyes are starting to cross a bit.” _

“Get some rest, love!”

➢

Harry was nervous as hell for Louis’ skydive, but it all went fine and Louis was absolutely buzzing. He rang Harry afterwards, gushing down the phone as if he’d had ten coffees. 

“Thank you for surviving,” Harry said, grinning for his own benefit.

_ “You’re very welcome!” _ Louis sighed delightedly.  _ “I can buy, like, a video and photos and stuff, Haz. I wanna buy it all.” _

“It’s your only opportunity, love, when will you ever do a skydive again? Buy it!”

_ “Ohh, Haz, we should do one together some time!” _

“Erm,  _ no _ !” Harry scoffed. “I would be absolutely terrified. I’d probably literally shit myself, sorry to be graphic, but…”

_ “What, even if you were strapped to me? Our bodies pressed together, bound tightly…” _

“You’re relentless. How can you turn skydiving into a sexual thing?”

_ “It’s just a talent I have.” _

➢

Growing up was hard. Harry was applying for his universities, looking to study physiotherapy. By the time spring hit, he was swimming every morning before school and things between him and Louis felt good. In fact, he actually felt something shift inside of him and while he wasn’t prepared to  _ tell _ Louis the truth-

“Lou… I really wanna meet you.”

_ “I know, babe. Me too. We will, okay?” _

“I, um…” Harry cleared his throat. “I think I’m ready.”

There was silence on the line for a few seconds, and Harry wondered if Louis was no longer there.

_ “Really?” _

“I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

_ “Yeah?” _ Louis said quietly.  _ “Oh. Well, that’d be amazing.” _

Harry took a sharp intake of breath. Was this actually going to happen? This was actually going to happen. It was time, after all. Harry was eighteen, Louis was twenty, they were adults.

“I can’t fucking wait.”

➢

They planned to meet for their anniversary, but Louis got a bit busy with Uni. In fact, they’d not spoken on the phone for nearly a week, Louis constantly in class or in the library or else just too tired to talk. 

**_Louis:_ ** _ Happy anniversary babe, I’m so sorry I can’t chat tonight :( of all days _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m still in the library. I really wanted to have a session with you :) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Your studies come first young Louis. Just let me know when you’re home? :) _

Harry was falling asleep in bed when his phone finally buzzed.

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’M FINALLY HOME.  _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Yay! I’ve got something for you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ What do you mean?! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m trusting you Lou. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ …… _

Harry took a deep breath, his mouth going dry as he pressed send on the image he’d taken earlier on. Every second that followed was excruciating; the  _ online _ below Louis’ name staying put and when it finally changed to  _ typing… _ Harry nearly lost his shit.

**_Louis:_ ** _ OH MY GOD is this really you?! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Do you like it? _

Harry’s phone rang immediately.

_ “Babe?”  _ Louis breathed in awe.  _ “I can’t believe you sent me this.” _

“Alright!” Harry laughed, embarrassed. “It’s just a dick pic.”

_ “But this is the first part of you I’ve actually seen. I’m actually really touched, love.” _

“Not exactly the reaction I was expecting.”

_ “Believe me babe, I’m fucking hard,”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “Just like you are, God.” _

“I actually took that a couple of hours ago, but I’m getting there.”

_ “You’re so big, Harry,”  _  Louis said quietly.  _ “Fucking hell.” _

“Do you think?” Harry asked, slipping down his trackie bottoms and staring down at his half-hard dick. He grabbed it, moving his fist up and down, getting a head start on the inevitable.

_ “That thing could cause serious internal damage,” _ Louis laughed.  _ “Can’t wait to get my hands on it.” _

“Mm,” Harry sighed. 

_ “I seriously can’t believe you sent this. Finally, a bit of you to admire.” _

“I’m so glad you like it,” Harry laughed shyly. He frowned as he felt his phone vibrate against his head. He looked at the screen and gasped.

Louis had reciprocated. Harry was gazing at a strong hand, holding a healthy handful of hard, red dick. Louis’ thumb was touching the tip and Harry’s own dick twitched.

“Louis…” Harry drawled out with a whine. “God. It’s lovely.”

_ “So now we’re even, yeah?” _

“God, I want you to fuck me. So, so badly,” Harry huffed. “This is so difficult, Louis. I’m gonna go mad.”

_ “I know, I know. We’ll definitely meet over the summer, okay?” _

Harry dug his teeth into his lower lip, squeezing his dick. He couldn’t wait to get a hold on Louis - especially now he knew exactly what Louis was packing and that fact only served to push his anticipation to new heights. 

_ “I’m so happy you finally felt like you could share a part of yourself with me, Haz. I’m overwhelmed, to be honest. I’m emotional.” _

“Lou!” Harry giggled.

_ “I know, but…” _

“I love you.”

_ “Love you too.” _

The  _ I love yous _ kept flowing as they moaned and whined to each other down the line, Harry coming harder than he had in awhile, soft praises tumbling from Louis. Afterwards, Louis fell asleep listening to Harry sleepily talking about his day and Harry fell asleep not long later, buzzing from finally having seen a snippet of Louis; the  _ real _ Louis. Okay, so maybe he was getting emotional, too. It was a big deal, he could see that now, and he felt one step closer to his boy, and that was a heady feeling.

➢

Louis got busier at Uni and Harry started to feel a bit neglected. He understood, really he did, and he himself was busy preparing for his A levels. But he missed Louis. They hadn’t spoken in over a week, hadn’t texted in two days and he felt himself snapping at his friends, having one particularly bad Friday when he went home and cried for three hours.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I miss you so much babe :( _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I know you’re busy and I’m not mad at you  _

**_Haz:_ ** _ This is too hard Louis _

He dropped his phone to the bed, sniffing loudly and pulling some more toilet paper from the roll next to him that he’d stolen from the bathroom. A soft knocking on his bedroom door made him fall abruptly silent.

“Harry?” Anne called through the closed door. “Can I come in, my love?”

Harry sighed. His mum had one hundred percent heard him crying and there was no way out.

“Okay.”

He shyly avoided her eyes as she entered. He exhaled a very shuddering breath.

“Has something happened?”

“Oh…” Harry smiled wetly, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing, Harry,” Anne said, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed, placing her hand on Harry’s knee.

“It’s just…” Harry sighed heavily. “Just boy trouble.”

Anne brought her legs up, sitting cross legged in front of him and  _ oh no, _ she was settling herself in for the long haul.

“Gemma told me you met someone online,” she said slowly, carefully.

Harry looked up at her, damp eyes wide and mouth open. He couldn’t  _ believe _ Gemma had told their mum. If he wasn’t so caught up in the misery and hopelessness of his current situation, he’d be really, really mad.

“Mm.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” he said defensively. “He’s just a bit busy and I miss him.”

“Oh,” Anne said, raising her eyebrows. “Gemma gave me the impression you hadn’t met.”

“We haven’t,” Harry mumbled. “But I still miss him. It’s complicated.”

“Harry, darling…” Anne sighed. “I do hope you’re staying safe online.”

“Mum, I’m eighteen. And I’m not stupid.”

“I know, my darling. But I’m always going to worry about you, no matter how old and clever you get.”

Harry laughed thickly, sniffing and wiping his eyes.

“Thanks, Mum. I know you care.” He sighed. “There’s nothing to worry about, I promise.”

“You  _ can _ talk to me, Harry,” she reassured, stroking his hair briefly before standing up. “I’m a very wise woman, you know.”

“Oh, I know. You never let me forget.” Harry grinned. “Thanks.”

➢

He still felt like he was drifting between childhood and adulthood, knowing he’d be going away to Uni that autumn but not feeling emotionally equipped to deal with the complexity of how he was feeling in regards to Louis. What was going to happen come September, when they were  _ both _ at University and busy? Was this relationship a lost cause? They couldn’t even bring themselves to meet each other.

Soon enough, Harry, Jess, and Niall were preparing for their exams. These ones were vital for getting into their first choice universities and so Harry was anxious. 

_ “How was it?”  _ Louis asked eagerly, on the phone to Harry when he exited his first exam.

“Yeah, I think it went okay,” Harry said, biting his thumbnail on his free hand as he left the school gates. “I hope so.”

_ “You deserve good grades, babe. You’re so clever.” _

“If you say so,” Harry grinned. “What you up to?”

_ “Just on my lunch. Opted for a salad. I’ve been eating so much shit lately.” _

“Me too. Plus, working in a bakery is dangerous. So many carbs…”

_ “Don’t start talking about carbs, please!” _

“Ha ha! But it’s true.”

_ “You’re super super fit anyway. Did you go swimming this morning?” _

“Actually, no. I’m letting myself have the extra sleep before my exams.”

_ “Good idea. If I was with you, I’d fuck you in the morning to relax you.” _

Harry choked on his own spit. Niall looked at him suspiciously.

“Louis,” he gently scolded, embarrassed. “I’m in public.”

Niall groaned loudly in disgust.

_ “I don’t care. I like the idea of you being turned on when you can’t do anything about it.” _

“God, I hate you.”

_ “I’d love to hear you try and say that with my dick in your mouth.” _

“Shit. Are you not around people right now?”

_ “No one listens to me.” _

“That’s sad, Lou.”

_ “I’m joking, no one’s around.” _

“Where are your friends?”

_ “The library.” _

Niall nudged Harry sharply in the ribs as they arrived at Harry’s house; he pulled his key from his pocket and tossed it to Niall.

“This is the longest we’ve spoken for a week, Lou.” Harry sighed. “But I’ve got to go, I’m home now and I need to at least attempt to be a good host to Niall.”

Niall stuck two fingers up at Harry.

➢

_ Harry was laying on his front, eyes closed contentedly as he hugged his pillow. He inhaled as he felt a finger push in between his arse cheeks, pressing against his hole. He arched into the contact and moaned quietly. _

_ And then suddenly there were two fingers, stroking inside of him and making him writhe. _

_ “Such a good boy, Harry,” that familiar voice said from behind him. “I love you.” _

_ “I love you, too,” Harry mumbled into the pillow, feeling weight on his thighs as Louis’ fingers pushed in deeper. “Are you gonna fuck me?” _

_ “One day, Harry, one day.” _

_ “Now?” _

_ “Not now.” _

_ Harry started to fuck back on Louis’ fingers, his hard cock hitting the sheet below him rhythmically and he felt his orgasm building. Louis’ hand came up to the back of his neck, pushing him down into the pillow and everything was a sudden rush and the next thing he knew- _

He gasped, turning his head away from where it was pressing into his pillow, just one pillow, and where was his other one?

He groaned loudly, realising it was between his legs and he’d been  _ humping his pillow.  _ And to make matters worse, it was streaked with sticky come. He’d usually be really embarrassed but he was so sexually frustrated at the moment, he wasn’t even surprised. In fact, he was still hard, and too sensitive to do anything about it. He growled, annoyed, throwing his duvet off and removing the pillowcase. He folded it inside out, using a dry bit to clean up a bit of come on his stomach, before picking up his phone.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I had a dream about you _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Made such a mess. Am I 14? _

The dream didn’t affect him the way it did last time; in fact, all it did was make him even hornier, eager to recreate its events in the real world. Take them further. He felt like he was losing the plot and nothing was helping.

**_Haz:_ ** _ We need to meet _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I can’t concentrate on anything, how am I supposed to go to uni and actually get anything done? _

He was over it. Yes, Louis would realise Harry had been keeping a huge secret from him. Yes, Louis would probably be very, very upset. Might even never want to see him again. But at least Harry would know, and would be able to move on. He really hoped he didn’t have to move on.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Really wanna meet you babe. Let’s meet up in Manchester when your exams are finished then xx _

➢

Harry finished up with his exams, and the date he and Louis set to meet was rapidly approaching. Harry was trying not to overthink it. Louis had been so close to him for months and they were finally going to take advantage of that and come together. Anticipation was constantly thrumming under his skin, nerves and excitement. 

Niall thought he was crazy, but he tried his best to be supportive. He offered to go along with Harry, just in case Louis was a kidnapper or something. Harry had told him he wasn’t stupid and that they’d meet somewhere public and on neutral territory, of course, and told Niall to stop being so uptight.

He was going to meet the love of his life. And for Harry, what Louis looked like was so far down on the list of what was important. He was preparing himself emotionally for spilling the truth to Louis and the consequences that would entail, which he hoped and prayed would be at a minimum. Fuck. Louis was going to be so crushed.

➢

Two days. It was still two days away and Harry was in a constant state of nervous trembles. To make it worse, he hadn’t heard from Louis all week. 

“He’s chickening out,” Niall said. “He’s changed his mind and he’s avoiding the situation.”

“Why?” Harry said miserably. “Why would he?”

“Cut him some slack, Harry. He’s been lying to you. He’s probably just like, 1% less brave than you.”

“So is he just never gonna meet me?!” Harry whined. “We’ll just talk until we both die of old age, having never met each other?”

“Harry-”

“I refuse to die a virgin.”

“Would you really stay faithful for, like, 70 years?” Niall asked.

“I love him, Ni.”

“Seventy years! Plus!”

“Look!” Harry sighed. “It’s not gonna come to that. We’re meeting in two days, even if I have to go to his uni and find him.”

➢

Harry didn’t go to Manchester Uni to track him down. It wouldn’t make a difference. Harry guessed that the surname Louis had given him was fake and he had no other way of identifying him. He’d need to leave soon to head to the city centre to meet Louis, but Louis still hadn’t contacted him. It’d been six days since he’d heard a word from him. Maybe Niall was right. He was chickening out. What if something had happened to him?

And then his phone vibrated.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Haz I’m so sorry I can’t do it _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m so fucking sorry I love you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Please don’t hate me and I hope you’ve not left already, fuck _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I can see you’re online Harry please reply :( _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m just not ready, I do wanna meet you but I’m not ready yet _

Harry stared at his phone, watching the stream of messages come in until his eyes blurred, tears obscuring his vision. He dropped his phone to the bed and burst into tears, feeling like his heart had been ripped out. Sure, he knew deep down this was probably going to happen, that Niall was right, and even if it did he had no idea how they’d get past the fact that they’d both been lying to each other. But he’d really, really hoped. He hoped Louis would turn up, they’d hug and chat, shy but with an atmosphere full of promise. Harry was back to square one. He growled, throwing himself down into his pillow and using it to stifle his loud wailing. He needed to get it out and no one was home, so he let himself cry and cry and cry until he couldn’t anymore, sobs wracking his body. Eventually, he picked his phone back up with a shaky hand.

**_Louis_ **

**_Missed Call (3)_ **

“Fuck,” Harry croaked, sighing a shaky breath. As he stared at the phone, brain sluggish as he tried to decide his next move, it started to ring in his hand and with an anxious jolt of his heart, he answered.

_ “Harry I’m so, so sorry. Please tell me we’re okay.”  _ Louis’ voice was shaky and thick with distress.  _ “Baby, please.” _

“I’m just… so disappointed, Lou.” Harry sighed heavily, sounding just as defeated as he felt.

_ “I know,”  _ Louis sighed, breaking out in sobs.  _ “I feel so selfish. I’m so sorry.” _

Harry sighed, feeling the drying tears on his cheeks. He rolled over to bury his face in his pillow.

“It’s okay,” he said finally. “I know it’s hard.”

_ “I’m so sorry I let you down. You don’t sound okay.” _

“I really, really wanted to meet you. And it’s not just about the sex, Lou. Wanna cuddle you. Watch TV with you. Fall asleep next to you. I just wanna  _ know _ you.”

_ “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. We  _ will _ meet one day.” _

_ “ _ But we’ve said that, like, a million times before.”

_ “I love you,”  _ Louis murmured pathetically.

➢

Things got… weird after that. Louis was full of regret, seeming very down and it was actually making Harry feel guilty for being upset. It all felt a bit awkward.

They both finished school for the summer and Louis headed home to Doncaster, Harry working at the bakery full time. It was likely for the last time, since he’d hopefully be heading down to London for Uni. If he got into his first choice, that was.

He and Louis went through the motions, texting each other every day about their days and only really talking on the phone for the sex. Louis insisted, however, on being on the phone when Harry found out his results and if he’d got into University. 

It was a bittersweet moment for both of them. Harry was elated when he got into his first choice University and would be moving down to London, away from home, and away from Louis, but it complicated any possible plans for them meeting.

_ “I’m so happy for you, babe,” _ Louis sighed.  _ “You’re gonna have such a wonderful time.” _

“I’m so relieved.”

Jess got into the same University and Harry was over the moon. He had no idea how much they’d realistically see each other or if they'd even be on the same campus, but it would be good to know she was about. Niall was off to Edinburgh and it hit Harry that everything was changing. He was no longer the only one who’d be moving away from his love; Niall and Jess would be even further away from each other than he and Louis, and he had a moment of feeling slightly panicked. They were growing up, and nothing would be the same anymore. Harry was going off to  _ University. _ He needed to start acting like an adult.

➢

Harry, Niall and Jess made a day of the last Saturday before they all parted ways. They went to the cinema, going for dinner before walking down by the river, lying on the ground and looking up at the stars. Harry was surprised when Niall pulled out a spliff, passing it round. Harry inhaled, coughing and handing it off to Jess. 

**_Haz:_ ** _ Guess what _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Niall brought weed _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No fucking way HAHA did you smoke some? _

Harry felt bloody weird and Niall was giggling about something, then Jess started tickling him and Harry looked at his phone on his chest, for some reason surprised to find it where he left it.

**_Haz:_ ** _ It’s alright innit. Feel sooooooo chill _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yes lad! _

Niall was mumbling something, likely telling a story, but no one was listening to him. Harry thought this was probably the perfect way to end their time together, the end of an era, really. The end of their school days and the end of their childhood. Hopefully not the end of their friendship.

“Hey,” Jess said and Harry started. “Everything’s gonna work out.”

“I hope so.”

“Hey! If we can do it, so can you.”

Harry smiled at her. “We’ll see whether you can do it. You might be glad to be rid of Irish Peroxide.”

“Do you think being high makes you funny?” Niall scoffed. “It doesn’t.”

➢

Harry woke up and they were still on the motorway. His mum was humming softly to the radio, almost managing to conceal her emotion at taking her son away from home. Harry had a bit of a wobble yesterday. Oddly, it was prompted by the cat pushing through the cat flap, looking up at him. He couldn’t explain it, but he burst into tears. He was of a more contemplative sadness today though, almost regretting his decision to let his mum drive the van with all his stuff down to London. This was hard enough for her. Still, she probably relished in the opportunity to interfere- no,  _ get involved. _

“Do you need to stop for a wee or a bit of dinner before we get onto the M25?”

“No, um,” Harry yawned. “Gonna just give Louis a ring.”

Anne glanced sideways at Harry as he poked at his phone screen before holding it to his head.

“Hello, love. What you up to?”

_ “I am currently lying on my bed with my feet up on the wall. I’m living the dream. This is the kind of fun at uni you’ve heard of.” _

“Ha! That’ll be the first thing I try.”

_ “You still in the car?” _

“Mhm. Just woke up from a nap. Mum’s still trying not to cry.”

An indignant Anne swatted him on the arm.

“Why are you listening to my private conversation?” Harry smirked at her.

“Watch it, Harry,” she said, trying to be stern but betraying a grin.

_ “Oh, leave her alone, Haz,” _ Louis chastised him fondly.  _ “You can’t blame her for being upset. I’m devastated you’ve left Manchester and I’ve never even met you.” _

Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek, sighing quietly.

_ “Haz?” _

“I know,” he replied. “This doesn’t mean we won’t, you know.”

_ “I know. We will. We have to.” _

“Even if we’re 70.”

_ “Please do  _ not _ make me wait that long!” _ Louis laughed.

➢

Harry sat on his bed and glanced around him. This was going to take some getting used to. He was in a single bed against one wall and his roommate’s single bed was pushed against the other wall. He’d always had his own room, had been used to a double bed for a couple of years now and not only did he now have to share a room, he could be sharing with  _ anyone. _

His roommate had evidently already moved in, but was not around currently. His bed was made but his duvet wrinkled, phone charger dangling from the socket by his bedside table. What if his roommate was homophobic? What if his roommate was really, really hot? 

The door banged open and Harry snapped his head up. Well, his roommate wasn’t  _ really, really hot. _ Not Harry’s type, at least. He was tall and skinny, had a grin etched on his face and wide, crazy eyes. Harry wanted to laugh.

“Hi!” the bloke said when he set eyes upon Harry. “You must be my roommate.”

Harry scrambled to his feet, grinning and holding a hand out. “Yeah! I’m Harry.”

“Good to meet ya, mate. I’m John.”

Harry shook John’s large, hairy hand. John threw himself down on his own bed, still grinning.

“Where you from?”

“Cheshire,” Harry replied. “You?”

“Kent, mate. Near Canterbury.”

Harry wondered what Niall was doing. He’d gone up to Scotland two days ago. They hadn’t spoken yet, Niall likely busy settling in. He would bet he’d already been to a few parties. 

“You get here today?”

“Yeah, mate,” John nodded. “Was all unpacked before midday. Not far for me to come, really. Been out exploring the place.”

“I’m gonna go and see about joining the gym tomorrow. I’ll go mad if I go for long without going for a swim.”

“You swim? I could never get the hang of it in school! Never throw  _ me _ in at the deep end!” John laughed and Harry grinned. “I cycle a bit but that’s it, I prefer my motorbike to be honest.”

“No way, that’s sick!”

They chatted for a bit and John even shared a tube of Pringles with Harry. He seemed like a nice guy, simple and down to earth, constantly amused with an easy demeanour.

“So what are you studying, Harry?”

“Physiotherapy. You?”

“Chemistry with Biomedicine.”

Harry’s jaw dropped open comically. “You’re fucking joking.”

➢

_ “Go out and get to know the place!” _

“It’s my first night, Lou. I’m exhausted!” Harry sighed, throwing his head back against his pillow and fingering his hair absently. “Anyway, I need to be in my room and accustom myself to it.”

_ “You’re weird, babe.” _

“Feels kinda strange that I’m so far from you.”

_ “Yeah, I know what you mean.” _

“It almost felt like we could’ve walked past each other in the street before and had no idea. Especially after you moved to Manchester.” Harry sighed, before adding quickly, “Of course, I’d have recognised you if I saw you, because I’ve seen pictures of you.”

_ “Yeah, course,”  _ Louis laughed awkwardly. 

Harry rolled his eyes. A month ago he’d uploaded a couple of new, carefully vetted pictures to his Facebook for Louis to access. What an utterly ridiculous situation, and Harry barely even knew what to say to Louis when he sent the pictures, pretending they were of him. He hadn’t even sent all of them; Harry never prompted Louis to send him photos and he reckoned Louis was uncomfortable with it nowadays anyway and just did it as a token gesture.

_ Just tell me the fucking truth. _ Harry thought.  _ Kill the massive elephant in the room. _

“Right, I’m gonna find some dinner,” Harry sighed to Louis, jerking himself out of his thoughts. “I hope something’s open.”

_ “Dearest Harold. You’re in London. You won’t have any trouble, I promise.” _

“Yeah!” Harry laughed. “True. Need to make the most of London life.”

_ “If you go out partying, drinking, or getting high, believe me, you’ll know every McDonald’s, Burger King, and Subway open late within like, a three mile radius.” _

“If you say so, Lou,” Harry grinned fondly. “Have a good night.”

➢

The next morning, Harry got up early to join the gym and try out his pool for the next three years.  _ Jesus. _ Would he have actually met Louis by the time he graduates? It felt unlikely, impossible even, but Harry would be twenty one. Louis would be twenty three.  _ Surely  _ they would’ve met by then?

Or split up for good.

He threw himself into his swim, pushing the thoughts out of his mind. Like it or not, things were changing now that he was at Uni. It was already occurring to him that Louis must’ve met so many new people, probably a lot of hot men, hot  _ gay _ men, and yet he was staying faithful to Harry, or so he said. He was lying about his pictures, what else was he lying about?

Harry went for a run after his swim. He didn’t usually go running, but it was great for clearing his head; the autumn air was crisp and gave him a sharp, almost numb feeling in his lungs and his mood had improved by the time he got back.

John had just woken up when he came in. He looked at Harry like he had three heads.

“Have you been out running?!”

“Yeah, and swimming.”

“I can already tell we’re not going to get on,” John said, grinning inanely. “You’re crazy!”

“Believe me, I’ll have my days where I won’t get out of bed,” Harry sighed, kicking his trainers off and throwing himself down on the bed. “I went a bit over the top today. I’m exhausted.”

“Something on your mind?”

Harry stared at him. “How’d you know?”

John shrugged as if it was ridiculous to expect him to know how he knew anything. He threw his duvet back, stretching his long body and scratching his bare stomach. He was a very hairy man. He moved stiffly as he got out of bed and headed into the ensuite, and Harry wondered if Louis was someone who moved rigidly or if he was more fluid in his movements. Wondered if he danced at parties, winding his hips and shaking his supposedly wonderful arse. Harry scrambled to his feet to gaze out the window to distract himself. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass himself by being hard when John walked back in. It was probably a bit too early on for John to learn that Harry was an extremely sexually frustrated virgin. 

Oh, God. He was at Uni and he was a virgin. He whined quietly to himself.

➢

Uni life was overwhelming. Harry was exhausted at the end of each day, managing to get up early for his swim most mornings before full days of lectures and tours and meals and, one Thursday, meeting up with Jess for coffee.

“How’s your roommate?”

“Never home,” Jess shrugged with a smile. “Her boyfriend has his own room so she spends most of her time there.”

“So you’re mostly alone in your shared room? Jammy bitch.”

“I thought you liked your roommate?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Harry smiled. “It’s just, being in such close proximity to another person all the time takes some getting used to.”

Jess raised her eyebrows, sipping her coffee. “Yeah. No nightly phone sex for you.”

“ _ Don’t,” _ Harry laughed. “We’ve only managed once so far. At least John goes out quite a bit. I might have to resort to lonely shower wanks.”

“Ew, Harry.” Jess mock-heaved. 

“It’s difficult.” Harry sighed. “How’s Niall?”

Jess stared down at her cup, picking at the paper. “He’s fine. I’ve not spoken to him much.”

“Me neither. He’s busy, I suppose.”

They drank the rest of their coffee in silence. John happened to stop by for a caffeine fix and Harry introduced him to Jess, who found him  _ hilarious  _ and seemed to cheer her up after seeming a bit down about not hearing from Niall. Harry was relieved his friends seemed to like each other, at least, and he considered himself lucky to have a good roommate and his best friend with him.

➢

In mid-October, John came home and immediately looked at Harry suspiciously. Harry flushed, feeling dread in his stomach. He’d never seen such an intense expression on John’s face. What had he done? A slight fear prickled in his stomach. Okay, maybe Harry was paranoid.

“Found this,” he said, finally breaking into a smirk.

Harry sighed with relief, looking at the small envelope he’d thrown down onto Harry’s bed. 

“What is it?” he frowned in confusion, staring down at the back of the envelope.

“Turn it over,” John said, throwing himself down on his own bed. “I found it pinned to a board in the Admissions Office.”

Harry picked the envelope up. It was addressed to the University; written above the address it said:

**_Harry Cox, Physiotherapy student_ **

Harry blushed furiously. He knew John was watching him so he shrugged, trying and failing to act nonchalant.

“Now, I thought your name was Styles.”

“Shut up,” Harry mumbled. “Um- Cox is my mum’s name, so…”

“If someone’s sending you post, why don’t they know where to send it?”

“It’s a surprise, obviously,” Harry rolled his eyes. He stared down at the envelope, John staring at him expectantly.

“Come on!” John grinned.

“For God’s sake,” Harry sighed, carefully ripping the envelope open.

_ Good Luck at University! _ The front of the card read. Harry’s throat constricted and he willed himself not to cry.

_ Harry, _

_ I’m so incredibly proud of you, my love. Good luck on your new adventure. I look forward to my professional massage! Haha. _

_ Have the time of your life! _

_ Lots of love _

_ Louis xx  _

Harry just stared at the card, wide eyed. He could feel John watching him.

“It’s, um-” he cleared his throat. “My friend.”

“Nice,” John said, nodding politely, losing interest and leaning back into his corner, pulling his phone out as Harry leaned into his own corner and his eyes immediately welled up.

“I’m gonna get some air,” he choked out, grabbing a coat and quickly pushing his feet into his trainers, dashing out of their room.

He dialled Louis as he quickly made it outside. He found an empty bench, nobody really being out now that it was dark, cold, and drizzling slightly. Harry didn’t care.

_ “Hi love! You alright?” _

“Hi,” he said quietly. “I wanted to ring to say… to say-”

_ “You okay?” _

“Just wanted to tell you I love you.”

_ “Oh, Haz. I love you, too. Is everything okay?” _

“I got your card.”

_ “Oh,” _ Louis said, clearing his throat.  _ “It found you, then!” _

“Eventually.” Harry smiled. “It was lovely, Louis. Thank you so much. Although I don’t appreciate nearly bursting into tears around my roommate, who I’m fairly sure hasn’t cried since he was a baby.”

Louis laughed, before sighing.  _ “I would’ve asked for an address, but… I wanted it to be a surprise.” _

“It was the most  _ wonderful _ surprise.” Harry sighed. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

_ “Harry, you’ve been talking to me for two and a half years with only your hand for company. You’ve paid your dues.” _

Harry turned sideways on the bench, bringing his knees up to his chest.

“I love you,” he said again, feeling pathetic. “I don’t know what I’d have done without you these past couple of years.”

_ “You’d be living it up, down there in London. You’d be having lots of sex instead of pining after me.” _

“Maybe,” Harry said, smiling to himself. “I prefer it this way.”

_ “That’s lovely,”  _ Louis said quietly. _ “Where are you, babe?” _

“Out in the forecourt bit. On a bench.”

_ “No one around?” _

“No…” Harry said, grinning. “Look, love, I’m not getting my dick out, okay?”

_ “Well, I am.” _

“You’re so selfish!” Harry giggled, smitten. “I suppose you want me to sit here, talking dirty to you while I grow painfully, painfully hard?”

_ “Mm, yeah, carry on.” _

“I hate you!” Harry laughed. “Alright, so let’s chat. If I came over, what’s the  _ first _ thing you’d do?”

_ “Um-”  _ Louis choked out.  _ “Probably torture myself by taking your clothes off really slowly. Get you on the bed on your knees. Head on the pillow. Arse in the air.” _

“Yeah?”

_ “Yeah. But I left your pants on. But then I’d pull them down over your arse slowly and you’d be trembling with anticipation.” _

“Yeah, I would.”

_ “Then I’d finger you, open you up a bit, before…” _

“Before what?” Harry whispered, swallowing, trying to palm himself discreetly.

_ “I’d eat you out, love. Fuck you with my tongue until you can’t remember your own name.” _

Harry dropped his forehead to his knees, taking deep breaths.

“Oh, my God,” He sighed. “I want it, Lou.”

_ “Me too. Wanna get hold of your arse so badly, Haz. Wanna do so much to it.” _

“Carry on, love.”

_ “ _ You  _ were supposed to be getting  _ me _ off!”  _ Louis laughed and Harry heard the click of a lube bottle cap in the background.  _ “Then I’d fuck you. Fill you up. And I’d be a bit rough ‘cause I’d be all worked up from eating your arse. You’d be so sensitive and close from it, too, you’d come in minutes. If that.” _

Harry heard Louis groan, his hand moving over his cock audible to Harry as it sped up. 

“Yeah?” Harry said, clearing his throat and bracing himself to take over. “Yeah, and you’d pull out and I’d roll onto my back…”

_ “Two pulls, tops, and I’d come all over your body.” _

“Yeah, Lou. Wanna get so messy with your come, baby.”

_ “Fuck,” _ Louis grunted.

Harry listened. He knew Louis was about to come, probably within seconds, having heard this moment many times before and by now recognising every tiny noise.

“I love you,” Harry told him as Louis came, crying out loudly before whimpering.

_ “Oh!” _ Louis whined, catching his breath for a second before speaking again.  _ “I love you, too.” _

Harry sighed contently.

_ “You really hard, babe?” _

“Um- yeah,” Harry giggled softly. “Once it goes down a bit I’ll go back inside, take a long, hot shower.”

“ _ Hm?” _ Louis hummed, interested.  _ “Wish I could join you.” _

“Mm, don’t start,” Harry laughed.

➢

Harry had seen John with a girl around campus and when he bumped into him in the common room, he teased him mercilessly. 

“Can’t believe you never told me you were seeing someone.”

“You never asked.”

“Fair point,” Harry grinned. “How come I’ve never seen her around?”

John folded his arms, leaning back against the sofa and looking at Harry pointedly.

“Alright!” Harry laughed. “Sorry, I’ll shut up.”

“You’re one to interrogate about my love life,” John retorted. 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked, feeling his ears go red. 

“Come on. You’re always chatting on the phone. I’ve seen your face, that ain’t your mum you’re chatting to. Bet you’ve got someone back home, haven’t you?”

“Um-” Harry laughed awkwardly. “Something like that. It’s complicated. Really complicated.”

“Mate, it’s difficult. Long distance. Not everyone can handle it.”

They fell silent, watching a small group of girls playing cards across the room for a few minutes before Harry’s phone started buzzing. He turned to smirk at John.

“Excuse me,” he said with a grin.

➢

_ “Been to any parties yet?” _

“Mm, no,” Harry sighed, sitting at his desk and staring at his laptop. “How do people even have time?”

_ “Nobody sleeps in Uni.” _

“Fuck that,” Harry scoffed.

_ “Hazza!”  _ Louis whined.  _ “You have to go out and have the real university experience.” _

“I’m not paying all this money to prioritise anything other than studying, am I?”

_ “Oh, Harry. Young, sweet, precious, naive Harry,”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “You’ll learn.” _

Harry let out a small laugh. He was so tired. The concept of going out to a party right now was insane to him.

_ “Honestly though, babe, you need to find a way to unwind. Go out on Friday nights, then you’ve got the weekend to recover and take it easy.” _

“I’ll think about it,” Harry reassured him. “You don’t go out  _ that _ much, do you?!”

_ “I did last year.” _

“Not now?”

_ “Well…”  _  He sighed.  _ “You like to chat before you go to sleep so I’ve not been going out as much.” _

Harry fell silent for a few seconds. “Lou, don’t let me keep you from your parties.”

_ “Harry, you’re a priority to me.” _

“Yeah, but-” He sighed loudly. “I don’t wanna weigh you down, or anything.”

_ “I honestly don’t mind,” _ Louis reassured.  _ “Now, go to bed. Sounds like you need your rest.” _

➢

Over the next couple of weeks, he felt like he and Louis were starting to drift a bit. Harry forced himself to accompany John to a couple of parties, but his heart wasn’t in it. The higher pace of work was bogging him down and the feeling that Louis wasn’t as present as usual to love and support him bugged him, a little niggling in the pit of his stomach.

Bonfire night came and went, a rare enjoyed night out for Harry, and as November went on, he realised that Louis was right. He was in desperate need of unwinding and the pleasure and joy he felt from getting enough sleep just wasn’t cutting it. 

University presented a huge pool of temptation. First of all, Harry found himself in an environment where gay pride shouted itself from the rooftops. This was new and exciting and a little bit scary for him, never having been around other gay people in his life. If his situation were different, he’d be going out and meeting people, having experiences. Long distance relationships were hard, especially ones that had never been anything other than long distance. Especially when you’d never met each other.

Secondly, aside from the temptation of sex, there were drugs and alcohol.  _ Everywhere. _ Harry wasn’t keen on smoking any more weed, especially around people he didn’t know, and there was no way he was willing to do anything harder. He settled for alcohol. He took Louis’ advice and made Friday night the night to be out. He sometimes went out with John, sometimes Jess, and sometimes he went clubbing with a couple of gay friends he’d made.

One Saturday in late November, he woke up shivering and a pounding headache annihilated him as soon as he cracked his eyes open.

“John?” he croaked, looking up in horror to see the window open. “John, it’s like four degrees, what the hell are you doing?”

“Morning!” John said brightly, styling his hair in the little mirror on the wall at the end of his bed. “What time did  _ you _ get in last night?”

Harry squinted at the clock above their desks.

“Four hours ago,” he whined, pulling the duvet over his head.

“You out with Tommy and Jake again?”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed, pulling the duvet from his head and sitting up, giving in. “Third wheeling, as usual. I mean, fine, they’re cute together, but they don’t half flaunt it.”

“You gonna see your bloke over Christmas break?”

Harry’s eyes darted over to John. “How’d you know it’s a bloke?”

“Mate, I know you think I’m a dimwit, but I do make observations.”

“I don’t think you’re a-”

“I’ve overheard you talking to him on speaker several times when I’ve been in the bathroom, for a start,” John said finally turning to Harry and placing his hands stiffly on his hips. “Thank God I didn’t overhear anything filthy.”

“Sorry, mate,” Harry smiled at him, pleased and relieved that John didn’t seem to have any problems whatsoever. “Anyway, no I probably won’t see him.”

“How come?”

Harry sighed heavily. “It’s complicated. Look, I’ll tell you about it another time.”

“Alright, mate,” John sighed, grabbing his coat from his desk chair. “I’m off to my badminton game then I’m spending the day in the library.”

“Alright,” Harry yawned. “I’ll be in tonight. Erm, can you close that window?”

“Course, mate!” John grinned, quickly closing it and heading to the door. “See you later.”

Harry wiggled back down into his bed as John left, pulling the duvet up over his head. He reached his hand out to his bedside table, grabbing his phone and pulling it under.

**_Haz:_ ** _ You awake love? _

Harry closed his eyes, drifting off into a doze before his phone buzzed next to him.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Morning love x how’s it going? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Soooo hungover. John just went out for the day… _

It was amusing how quickly Harry’s phone started to ring.

“Hey Lou,” he giggled. 

_ “Well, good morning!” _

“How are you?” Harry said, absentmindedly running his hand down into his boxers. “Good night?”

_ “Was a quiet night at the pub, to be honest. Was in bed by two.” _

“Ugh, I got in at six.”

_ “You wild boy!”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “Wish I woke up next to you this morning. Did I tell you I had a dream about you the other day?” _

“No!”

_ “Couple of nights ago. Nothing naughty, unfortunately. Very brief dream of us cuddling and chatting quietly.” _

“That’s nice.”

_ “Yeah,” _ Louis said softly.  _ “It was. But you’ve had loads of sex dreams about me and I haven’t had any of you.” _

“You don’t love me as much, that’s why.”

_ “You fuckin’ take that back!” _ Louis laughed.  _ “It’s probably to do with the fact that if I’m not having phone sex with you, I’m furiously wanking over you.” _

“Do you really?” Harry asked, eyebrows raised.

_ “Yeah!” _ Louis laughed.  _ “It’s bloody difficult, this long distance thing.” _

“I know,” Harry frowned to himself. “I’m so frustrated, Lou.”

_ “I’m really sorry. I feel awful.” _

“It is what it is,” Harry sighed. “Listen, this isn’t the reason you called.”

_ “I know!”  _  Louis laughed slightly. 

“Love the idea of you getting off while thinking of me. When I’m out doing my own thing. Unsuspecting.”

_ “Hm, yeah. You could’ve been in a lecture or at the library. I’ll let you know, next time.” _

“Fuck,” Harry muttered, finally starting to stroke himself, loose fisted, his headache fading into the background, the lure of Louis’ voice taking precedence. “Tell me what you think about when you’re doing it?”

_ “I was alone last night when I got home, and I knew you were out clubbing. So, I kinda imagined dancing with you. Grinding against you… pulling you into the toilets… sucking you off-” _

“Yeah?” Harry said, breathless. He clenched his eyes shut as his hand sped up. “Did I come in your mouth?”

_ “I pulled off a bit so you came on my tongue, and my chin, and my cheeks…”  _ Louis sighed, strained.  _ “And you were so fucking loud. Just like when you used to be home alone, Haz, and we’d be on the phone for three hours, wanking until we were too sore to carry on.” _

“Want you so bad,” Harry whined. He was so turned on, so hard, but there was an unbearable craving inside of him. “Please, Lou.”

_ “One day, babe. Soon. I’m gonna be so good to you, make you feel so good. God, I’m gonna kiss every single inch of you.” _

“I love you.” The words tumbled out of Harry’s mouth, feeling it more than ever, but also feeling miserable. He squeezed his eyes shut again to fight off the tears. “I just wanna be with you.”

_ “Soon. We will. I’ll make you feel so loved, babe, show you exactly how I feel about you. Open you up and kiss and lick you until you’re begging.” _

“Please,” Harry sobbed. His heartache intensified his arousal and he winced.

_ “You know what I’d love? Love you to come all over my chest. Mark your territory, make me all sticky.” _

“I wanna, Lou, wanna,” Harry said, gasping. “Gonna come.”

_ “Come on my chest, babe.” _

Harry held off for a tense second before exploding, crying out as loud as he dared as he came on his hand, hot come hitting his stomach and pretending the tears in his eyes weren’t there. He listened as Louis groaned down the line, whining high as he came, riding through it shakily and panting to catch his breath as he came down.

_ “Oh, I love you, Harry, so much.” _

Harry started to sob, keeping as quiet as he could.

“Love you, too,” he choked out. 

_ “Aw, babe, one day we’re gonna have the best sex anyone has ever had.” _

Harry covered the speaker, allowing himself to sniff without letting Louis hear that he was crying.

_ “Hey,” _ Louis said.  _ “I wanna ask you something. Can I have an address to send you a Christmas card? I can just send it to uni like the other card if you want, but-” _

“It’s fine, Lou.”

He gave Louis his Nan’s address (since she lived in Knutsford and Harry had told Louis he lived over in Knutsford) and resolved to have a quiet word with her and let her know to expect some post for him.

➢

It was couple of weeks before Christmas and Jess and Harry met up to discuss the journey home. They decided they’d get the train up, but Harry would drive them back to Uni in the new year, since his car was back home. He didn’t have much use for it in London but he’d much rather have it with him.

And who knows? Maybe he’d be making regular trips to Manchester soon.  _ Yeah. He fucking wished. _

It was freezing out, and Harry was looking forward to bringing his big winter coat from home, only having hoodies and a jacket with him. He was far too poor to buy a new coat and resorted to layering up. As Christmas break grew closer, he stopped going out on Fridays. He just hated the cold, and since it wasn’t socially acceptable to bring your duvet to parties, he stayed home, only braving the coldest times of day in order to go swimming in the mornings.

He sighed heavily one Sunday morning when he got back to see that John had the window open again. He hammered on the bathroom door where John was showering.

“John! Stop opening windows, you freak!”

He closed the window with a  _ bang _ and threw himself down on his bed, pulling his phone from his pocket.

**_Louis:_ ** _ You free for a chat? _

He rang Louis, yawning as he kicked his shoes off and folded his legs underneath him.

_ “Hi.” _

“Hello you.” 

_ “You okay?” _

“Can’t complain. Fucking cold, John had that bloody window open again. Might get back into bed for a bit.”

_ “I need to talk to you about something.” _

Something jolted inside of Harry and dread fell over him. “Oh?”

_ “Um-”  _ Louis cleared his throat.  _ “I’ve been thinking about us, and I’m starting to feel a bit, like, uneasy. Kind of guilty. I just feel a bit like I’m holding you back, you know, I-” _

“Don’t be silly.”

_ “Come on, Harry. You turn nineteen in a few months and since you were sixteen you’ve just been waiting for me to get my shit together. It’s not fair. And now you’re at Uni, you should be out living and having experiences.” _

“I’ve been going out, Lou, like you wanted me to.”

_ “That’s not what I mean. You should be meeting people and it’s all my fault that you’re not. You’re eighteen, and your sex life is listening to me whine down the phone. I’m finding it hard to live with, to be honest.” _

“Louis.” Harry sighed, feeling impatient, masking his utter panic under the surface. “It’s a sacrifice, and it’s difficult, but it’s one I’m willing to make.”

_ “Babe, I know. But it’s literally haunting me, and I’m not okay with being the person tying you down.” _

“Lou?” Harry felt his bottom lip wobble as panic finally took over and he started to tremble, tears spilling out of his eyes. “What are you-  _ please _ don’t do this. I love you.”

“ _ I love you too,” _ It sounded a bit like Louis may have been crying too. “ _ You don’t understand. I want the very best for you and that isn’t me, right now.” _

“What’s going on, Lou? Has something happened?”

_ “No, love. Look, I just can’t do this anymore. And I’m not saying this is it for us, no way. Think of it as a break, if you like, but I really want you to live. You know, be single and be free without having me tying you down.” _

Harry sighed impatiently again, growing more tense, a growing anger warring with the irritation he felt over Louis’ words.

“Louis, you don’t tell me what to do.” Fear started to bubble inside of him. “What if I don’t want to go out there and put myself about? I mean, is that what you want? You want to break up with me so I can go and sleep with loads of guys?”

_ “No, babe. The idea kills me, believe me. But you’re not happy. I know you’re not. And I don’t think you realise what this is doing to you.”  _ Louis was trying to keep his voice steady and firm but Harry saw through it, hearing the cracks and tremors. He knew Louis too well.

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Lou!” Harry growled, exasperated.

_ “But I get to decide what’s best for me,”  _ Louis said, sounding more determined.  _ “And I don’t like the fact I’m holding you back. Okay? I hate the idea of you sleeping with other people, but you’re not sleeping with me and until I get my shit together, that’s not gonna happen.” _

“This is all about sex?” Harry scoffed.

_ “Of course it’s not. Are you listening to me, Harry?” _

“It sounds a lot like it’s about sex, to me.”

_ “We both need to take a step back, okay? I love you and I care about you, I don’t want us not to be in touch, but let’s just take a bit of a break from each other and maybe when we’re both completely prepared to meet-” _

“I was ready. In fact, when we were gonna meet over the summer, I was minutes away from leaving my fucking house when you pulled out.”

_ “I know. But you’ve bailed before too, it’s not just me. And this whole thing isn’t just about you. I’ve got some things I need to work through too, and we’ll play it by ear and we’re gonna meet up one day, okay? We’ll do this properly. Because this whole thing is dysfunctional as fuck.” _

“Well, I can tell you’ve made your decision,” Harry deadpanned, the will to fight leaving him. Something inside of him said  _ you knew this would happen one day. _ Harry closed his eyes, shutting down.

_ “I have. I’m gonna leave you alone now, okay? Take care and please don’t disappear.” _

Harry scoffed. “Yeah, alright. Bye, then.”

_ “Harry, please-” _

Harry hung up on him. He held his head in his hands, letting out a humongous sigh, before bursting into tears.

➢

Harry stared into space, completely vacant and not sure what he was even doing at his lecture. He was determined to try and carry on as normal but that wasn’t working out so well; he couldn’t concentrate in the slightest and he hated the looks he kept catching John throwing at him. He’d been avoiding Jess too, but after a few days of wallowing, it was time for Harry to catch his train home and there was no avoiding Jess any longer.

He was going through the motions. Waking up. Choking down breakfast. Showering. Dressing in whatever he pulled out of his drawers first. He’d packed almost nothing, only being able to think of a few bare essentials he needed and not being able to muster up the energy for much else. Jess had let him sit by the window on the train and he stared out, unseeing, feeling Jess eyeing him worriedly.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Fine,” Harry said, before sluggishly turning his head to look at her. “I’m awful company. Sorry, Jess.” 

Jess linked her arm in his and lay her head on his shoulder. “It’ll get easier, bub. Hey, Niall will cheer you up once we get home.”

“You must really be looking forward to seeing him.” Harry sniffed loudly. “Sorry, I’m putting such a damper on everything.”

“It’s alright. I’m used to you being a big dull dud.” 

Harry laughed thickly, letting tears fall from his eyes. 

“Alright, true,” he laughed with a sob. “Don’t let me be there when you two reunite. For a start, I don’t wanna bring the moment down, and secondly I don’t want you to rub your relationship in my face.”

Jess scoffed.  “I’ll sacrifice him, if you’d prefer to have him?”

“Absolutely not,” Harry laughed thickly.

“Haz,” Jess sighed, “You’re gonna be okay. It’ll get better. I know it’s hard, but try and stay positive. And I know you don’t wanna hear this, but he’s right, you know?”

“No.”

“It was taking its toll on you. It’s been a long time to be committed to someone you’ve never met.”

Harry folded his arms grumpily. “I just fucking love him. Is that wrong?”

Jess sighed quietly. Harry scoffed, shaking his head and staring pointedly out at the trees darting past the train.

“It  _ is _ weird though. Isn’t it?” Harry mused.

➢

If he’d been making an effort to try and carry on as normal whilst at Uni, it was nothing compared to how hard he tried once he was back home. He didn’t want any of his family to suspect anything, so he did his best to be around them as much as he could cope with, often going to bed early citing that he was tired after a long term of hard work.

He actually didn’t have much trouble sleeping. The stress and the crying was exhausting, and at least his heart didn’t hurt while he was asleep. He was fully irritated to be woken up on Christmas Eve by Niall jumping on him, though.

“Wake up, loser!”

“Fuck  _ off, _ Niall.”

“I haven’t seen you in four months and that’s how you greet me?”

Harry cracked his eye open, sighing and shaking his head.

“Unconsciousness is my favourite place to be and you wrenched me out of it.”

“You’ve been home for two days and you haven’t come to see me,” Niall said accusingly, pouting and settling himself cross legged at the end of Harry’s bed. 

“You know why,” Harry sighed, sitting up and yanking the end of his duvet from under Niall. “I’ve not exactly felt like socialising.”

“Well, you’re coming for lunch with me and Jess today.”

“No, my mum-”

“Your mum’s fine with it, any other excuses?”

Harry pulled the duvet up to his chin and sighed, eyes downcast.

“It’s Louis’ birthday.”

“All the more reason for you to be distracted.”

Harry looked at the clock; 11.45am. Damn.

“Am I coming for lunch  _ now?” _

“Please have a shower first,” Niall laughed. “I’m going back downstairs to catch up with your family. Don’t be long.”

Harry nodded, relenting, waiting until Niall was out of the room before picking up his phone, hesitating as he unlocked it, opening Whatsapp with trembling hands.

**_Haz:_** _Happy birthday Lou. Hope you have a good day xx_

He stared at his phone for a minute, before sighing and throwing it down on the bed. He left it there as he grabbed a towel to get in the shower.

➢

Harry was smiling, at least. Even though his heart ached, seeing Jess and Niall reunited was lovely, and it’s not as if he ever had any kind of physical relationship with Louis to mourn as he watched them. His heart was heavy but he was happy to be with his friends, feeling like at least part of the weight had been lifted. He’d only managed to eat a third of his pizza, however, and Niall was currently picking up the slack.

It was incredible how different Niall looked after only four months. His hair was swept back, and he’d filled out a bit, growing taller and his jawline becoming sharper. Jess seemed to like it, if the way she was gazing at him was anything to go by. Harry sighed to himself, and his heart jolted when his phone buzzed on the table.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Thank you my love. I’m trying to. Hope you’re good xx _

Harry stared at his phone, eyes shimmering. He started to type a reply, but he knew it was no good and that he just needed to let it go, knowing that getting into a conversation with Louis was the start of a slippery slope. As he was deleting what he’d typed, Niall snatched his phone.

“Phone free meal,” he said.

Harry rolled his eyes, annoyed.

➢

When Harry arrived home, his nan was round and everybody was watching a film. The way his mum looked up at him when he walked through the door, he knew that she knew something was up. He smiled at her, lips pressed tightly together, before making his way up to his room.

As he went to walk up the stairs, he saw a box on the hall table. He frowned, looking at the address label. It read  _ Harry Cox _ and had his nan’s address on it. His heart started to beat wildly, snatching the box and running up to his room so fast that he tripped up a step. 

He scrambled onto his bed, cross legged, staring at the box in front of him. He sighed heavily, grabbing some scissors and starting to cut through the excessive amounts of tape on the box.

There was a folded piece of paper at the top of the package and something bright pink and soft underneath. He eyed it curiously as he pulled the piece of paper out, unfolding it as tears filled his eyes.

_ ‘I saw this in Primark and thought of you! Haha! Might’ve worn it a bit too. Merry Christmas babe, hope you enjoy it! _

_ Your Lou x’ _

Harry was crying, gasping to catch his breath as he pulled out the t-shirt from the little box. He unfolded it and laughed loudly through his tears.

It was a very obnoxious graphic tee of Patrick Star. There was no way Louis expected Harry to wear it out of the house. Harry immediately pulled his jumper off and slipped the bright t-shirt on, his throat constricting as several smells hit him at once.

Fabric softener. Louis must’ve washed it before he wore it. He could smell softener that he didn’t recognise. He pulled the collar up to the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and inhaling. There was the faint smell of some aftershave, and Harry was surprised to be able to smell cigarette smoke, too. He could smell  _ body _ as well which overwhelmed him to the point of fresh tears.

A gift from the past, presumably sent before Louis had decided it was best to end their relationship, slapped Harry in the face with a renewed realisation that Louis was  _ a real person. _ He was a real person who had a favourite fabric softener and aftershave, a real body who had worn this t-shirt. He was living and breathing and eating and sleeping and Harry felt absolutely devastated. He wanted Louis so, so badly and he had a renewed urge to track him down, to slap him, or kiss him, or fuck him,  _ whatever. _ Except he had no way of doing so.

He quickly yanked the t-shirt from over his head, not wanting to stain it with tears, and pushed it back into the box, stuffing it under his bed.

➢

Harry phoned it in on Christmas Day, doing the bare minimum; he laughed when he needed, engaged when needed, disappeared as soon as he was able to. All in all, it was a shit Christmas, and he felt a bit angry at Louis for it, before remembering that Louis was hurting, too. And Louis had had to suffer Christmas  _ and _ his birthday.

Harry point blank refused to go out for New Year. He planned to fall asleep long before midnight, but when 12 o’clock rolled around, he was sitting on the sofa alone, sobbing into his sleeve and three-quarters of the way through a bottle of wine.

New Year had been a thing for him and Louis the last two years and Harry found it unbearable without him. He rang in 2013 in distress, moving his misery upstairs before anyone else came home and when he finally started to fall asleep, tears drying on his cheeks, he felt his phone vibrate.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Happy new year babe. I miss you and want more than anything for you to have a fantastic year, with or without me. Please please go out and live your life, make the most of uni, you’re only young once and I promise promise promise that one day we will absolutely meet, whether it results in a relationship or not. I’ll always love you and it will kill me if you move on, but it killed me so much to hold you back. I’ll always be here as a friend if and when you need me. My heart belongs to you xxxx _

 


	4. Year Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the tag "depression themes" for this chapter at the request of my beta, it's nothing heavy but just be aware of it if it might affect you. As always, you're welcome to come chat if you would like more details before reading! xx

**Year Four**

 

Louis couldn’t know, but his words had sent Harry into a downward spiral. Jess had to drive both of them back to University in Harry’s car even though she wasn’t insured to, because Harry just couldn’t focus enough to do it himself. It was well over a three-hour drive, all of which Harry spent staring out the window, sometimes crying and sometimes not, his eyes glazed over and not really responding to anything Jess said to him. They stopped off for lunch at a service station and Harry forced down a few of Jess’ chips at her insistence, clutching at a huge Starbucks cup of filter coffee which went cold before he drank more than a sip.

When they finally got back, Jess took him inside and tucked him into bed, despite the fact it was only 6pm. John wasn’t due back until tomorrow so Harry was left alone, crying himself to sleep, and it wasn’t until he woke up in the middle of the night and fumbled for his phone to check the time that he realised Jess had stolen it. 

Not that he even wanted to text Louis. What would he say? Congratulations for finishing the job of  _ completely _ ruining me? And where would that get him? No, even as much of a broken mess that he was, Harry knew he needed to give Louis space and he just had to hope that, in time, Louis would want to get back together and hopefully meet. As he fell back to sleep, he knew that it was all he could hope to work towards, at this point. 

He was awoken to bright sunlight and quiet clattering noises coming from the kitchen. He sat up in bed and saw Jess pottering around.

“Morning,” she said lightly, walking over a few seconds later with a cup of tea and some hot, buttered toast. “Did you sleep?”

“Sleep’s the only thing I’m capable of doing,” he mumbled, giving her the best smile he could muster up and taking the plate from her. “Thank you, darling.”

“I’m gonna watch you to make sure you eat that.” She raised her eyebrows.

“I will, I will. I wanted a cup of tea in the night but couldn’t get up to make it.”

Jess frowned at him, and he felt a surge of shame. He was pathetic, he knew he was, but his heart felt so heavy that he struggled to even get up for a wee. Jess tossed Harry’s phone down on the bed, sighing and rolling her eyes when Harry gave her a look of distaste.

“I just didn’t want you to do anything stupid,” she explained. “Your mum texted to check you got back okay. I replied, don’t worry.”

“Thanks,” he whispered, reluctantly biting into his toast. The feeling of food in his mouth made him want to throw up, but he choked it down. “I wouldn’t have texted him.”

“Better safe than sorry.”

They watched shitty TV all morning and cuddled in Harry’s bed until John got home. John was cheerful, until he sensed the atmosphere and he stayed out the way as best he could.

Classes started the next day and Harry had no interest whatsoever. In fact, he stayed in bed for three days until a friend from his course came and physically dragged him out of bed.

“Just put some clothes on, mate.” Tony sighed. “What’s staying in bed gonna achieve?”

Harry glared darkly at him, before doing as he was told. He let Tony drag him to a lecture and put food in front of him at lunch time and take him back later on. He had really good friends and, in the back of his mind, he knew he’d need to make a massive gesture to thank each and every one of them.

By mid-January, he’d not spoken to Louis at all and, even though he’d been going to his classes, he had taken in almost nothing. When Louis texted him to ask how he was, he found himself sitting outside, on the very bench he’d once sat and talked Louis to orgasm not long ago, staring at his phone and wondering how the hell he would reply.

He had no concept of how long he was sitting outside, except that it was now dark and he was staring off into the distant trees instead of his phone screen. He finally managed to look up, turning his head when he saw Jess walking towards him, John a few steps behind.

“Harry?” Jess said thickly. “You must be freezing.”

He was wearing a hoodie, and he was startled to notice it was snowing. Before he realised what was happening, Jess had wrapped him in a duvet - what the hell was she doing out in the snow with a duvet? - and had taken him inside. She put him in his bed (the duvet seemed to be from his room) and tucked him in.

“Harry, you can’t go on like this.”

“Mm.” He glanced up at Jess before pulling the duvet up around his chin.

“I’m gonna make you a cup of tea to warm you up and run you a bath.”

“Just wanna sleep.”

“After your bath, okay? You need to warm up and put some dry clothes on. Now come on, up you get. Or do I have to undress you myself?”

“No!” Harry wrinkled his nose. “I can undress myself. I don’t want you seeing my nudie bits.”

“Excuse me!” Jess laughed, seeming relieved. “It’s nothing I’ve not already seen.”

Harry scoffed as she led him into the bathroom. “You saw my boy bits. Not my man bits. I don’t exactly look the same as I did back then.”

“Well- arms up,” Jess prompted. Harry obeyed. “Grow up. It’s just a body. And you’re Harry, it’s not like I’m gonna ogle you.”

“You just like scrawny, pasty blondes.” Harry grinned.

“There’s my Harry.” Jess smiled warmly, pulling his joggers down and sitting him on the edge of the bath in his boxers as she ran the hot tap. “You’re gonna be fine, H.”

“Hope so,” he said, smile fading. He wrapped his arms around his naked torso and started to shiver. “I don’t know what I’d do without you down here, Jess.”

“Oh, listen, your John’s a good guy. You know, he saw you out on that bench and came to find me immediately. He knew I’d know what to do for you.”

“He’s clever in that he knows who to delegate to.”

“Exactly.” Jess slapped Harry on the shoulder. “Now get in.”

Harry mustered a small smile as Jess left the room, watching her close the door before he pulled his boxers off and sank down into the warm, soothing water. 

_ ➢ _

Harry tried his hardest after that. He had incredible friends and he started to feel uneasy about the fact they were bending over backwards to keep him functioning, so he forced himself to go through the motions and, slowly, it became easier. By the time his birthday rolled around at the beginning of February, he was recovered enough to go out the night before, not having the best of times but not the worst either. He woke up the next morning with his face squashed against his pillow, covered in his own dribble. He sighed, rolling over and sitting up to ease the ache in his back.

His phone started to ring a mere two minutes after swimming into consciousness, and he couldn’t believe what the display told him.

“Um- hi.”

_ “Hi! Happy birthday! I, um- wasn’t sure you’d pick up.” _

“You caught me off guard, I literally just woke up,” Harry sighed, smiling sadly to himself. “How’d you do that, Lou?”

_ “I guessed, since last night was Friday, you went out for your birthday. And you hardly ever sleep past 11am.” _

“That’s freaky, Louis.” As Harry began to fully wake up, his heart started to race. The reality of talking to Louis started to dawn on him, and he felt his resolve bend and break. He closed his eyes, basking in the sound of Louis’ voice.

_ “How’ve you been?” _

“Yeah…” Harry said, his voice unusually high pitched. “Fine, yeah.”

_ “Oh. Good.” _

“How about you?”

_ “The same.” _

“Actually…” Harry sighed, rolling his eyes to himself. “I’ve been terrible, to be honest, Louis. And I can’t even fathom the idea of going out and meeting people like you wanted me to.”

_ “Feels wrong, doesn’t it?” _

“Yeah,” Harry sighed, willing himself not to cry. “I mean, I  _ danced  _ with someone last night. For half a song. And I had to walk away because it felt too weird.”

_ “It’ll get easier,” _ Louis said quietly.  _ “Promise.” _

“Miss you,” Harry mumbled, looking up as John walked in.

_ “Yeah? I miss you too. Can we please chat more? I really hate not talking to you.” _

“Yeah, I think I can cope with that.” Harry sighed. 

_ “Talk to me about things, okay? I care about you.” _

The words  _ I love you _ died on Harry’s lips and when they hung up, he couldn’t decide whether he felt downtrodden or hopeful.

_ ➢ _

Despite heartache still being a stark reality day in and day out, Harry felt it getting easier to get back on track. He and Louis kept up regular contact, mainly making small talk and sharing vague details about their lives. Harry lived in constant worry that Louis was seeing someone, knowing Louis probably wouldn’t tell him if he was.

Nobody aside from Jess knew the circumstances behind Harry’s relationship. He found himself spending a lot of time with Tommy and Jake, letting them take him out on a tour of gay clubs in London. He no longer felt like he wanted to stubbornly avoid meeting anyone; in fact, he thought that maybe he should  _ try _ . He refused to give up on Louis and, God forbid,  _ move on,  _ but Louis broke up with him because he wanted him to have experiences with people, so Harry should go and have experiences. Get it over and done with so they could get back together. 

He sighed inwardly, sipping his third vodka and lemonade of the night. He chewed on his straw anxiously as he watched Jake snog some guy who he’d been dancing with for just ten minutes. Harry just wasn’t the kind of person who could take the plunge that quickly and snog someone he’d just met, let alone sleep with them. He frowned to himself. How was he even supposed to start the process of finding someone he’d have  _ any _ interest in? He’d literally never done this before.

“You okay, babe?” Tommy asked him, squeezing a reassuring arm around his waist.

“I might go home in a minute.”

“Oh, come on,” Tommy whined. “At least dance with me.”

“No, I just think-”

“Forget about your ex, come and have a good time.”

Harry winced, “Please don’t call him my ex.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, not unkindly, and smiled at Harry.

“Dance with me for one song, then I’ll let you leave if you want.” Tommy pouted. “Please?”

Harry finally agreed and ended up staying with Tommy for an hour before heading back. Jake was nowhere to be seen and Harry envied him in a way, wishing, for the first time, that he’d meet someone. It immediately felt like a betrayal to Louis and, feeling guilty, Harry went to sleep with a heavy heart.

_ ➢ _

Harry was dozing in the common room the next day, listening to Jake telling some of his female friends about his night. He suddenly felt arms sling around his neck and a kiss to the top of his head, faintly smelling a perfume that made him feel immediately happy.

“Hi,” he said, sitting up straight and opening his eyes to turn to Jess. “What’re you doing here?”

“I’ve been studying and needed a break but it’s raining. Can we go into town for lunch? Please?”

“Have a sandwich,” he said flatly, closing his eyes again, peeking one back open and grinning. “Can we go for dinner in a few hours?”

“Yeah, alright.” She rolled her eyes. “Have a good night last night?”

“Was okay,” Harry said, opening his eyes again and opening his arms for Jess to cuddle into him. “Jake pulled and has been recalling it in vivid detail.”

Jess scoffed. “I don’t even know most of these people.”

“Well, you’re on my territory now,” Harry told her, looking around. Jake was a popular guy and had about ten friends around him. Jake was studying drama and Harry couldn’t help but think about Louis, studying Drama and Screen Studies, likely surrounded constantly by other gay men. He shook the idea out of his head. 

_ ➢ _

Tommy had his arm linked firmly in Harry’s, dragging him into the student union bar. Harry looked around anxiously.

“I’m never speaking to you again.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, Harry.”

“Yeah, so you should’ve let me mope.”

Tommy sighed heavily, glancing around. “A singles night is exactly what you need.”

Harry grumbled incoherently. A singles night was definitely  _ not _ what he needed. These things were so forced and he had been hoping to meet someone in a more natural setting. Tommy was urging him to mingle but he got a beer and sat in the corner on his own, nursing his drink and scrolling through Facebook aimlessly. Three sets of rebuffed cheesy chat up lines later, Harry was thinking of sneaking off when someone he vaguely recognised approached timidly. He was slight and tall, seemed taller than Harry at least, a mop of slightly curled dark blond hair piled atop his head.

“Harry?”

“Hi.”

“I’m Drew. We met briefly at Jake’s a couple of months ago?”

“Oh, I remember,” Harry nodded, shaking the hand Drew had outstretched. “How’s it going?”

“Tommy tells me he forced you to come,” Drew said, slowly sitting down, eyeing Harry carefully as if he expected him to send him away. “I was dragged here, too.”

Harry rolled his eyes with a smile.

“Think they’re helping, don’t they?” he scoffed, picking at the label of his bottle. “Not only do I not want to be here, but I’m actually miserable.”

“I almost didn’t come over. I could tell you wanted to be alone, but you just look so sad.”

“Don’t.” Harry smiled wetly, and, indeed, sadly. “I’ll cry.”

“I’m sorry. Anything I can do?”

Harry shook his head. “Thanks. I’ll be okay. It’s just- being reminded constantly for three hours that I’m single is pretty fucking painful at the moment.”

“You shouldn’t be here.” Drew nudged him. “Fuck what Tommy says.”

Harry nodded solemnly. 

“Come on. Let me walk you back,” Drew said. 

Harry eyed him skeptically.  “I’m not coming onto you, I promise.” Drew assured him. 

“Then why are you being so nice to me?” Harry grinned as best he could.

“Because, you’re a friend of a friend and you’ve hit a nerve with me. I can’t walk off and leave you here when you’re this sad.”

“Um- okay.”

_ ➢ _

Harry and Drew barely spoke on the way back to Harry’s halls and, to Harry’s relief, Drew declined his polite invitation to come in for a cup of tea. The next morning when he woke up, he checked his phone to see that Tommy erroneously assumed Harry had pulled. 

Drew became a fast friend. Jake and Tommy were loud and vibrant whereas Drew was a calm, quiet shoulder to lean on, going for coffee with Harry after classes and simply not talking if Harry didn’t feel like it. He even sat patiently while Harry had a half-hour conversation with Louis on the phone, holding his hand comfortingly when Harry cried bitterly into his coffee for twenty minutes.

Time was moving excruciatingly slowly, but March crept up on Harry and he couldn’t believe it’d been over two months since he and Louis had split. He had mostly stopped crying, still feeling like he was moving against the tide in day-to-day life, but he no longer lived under a dark cloud.

Drew was kindly sitting out on the grass with Harry, despite the temperature still being more winter than spring. Both of them were sitting in silence, reading textbooks, when Drew cleared his throat, startling Harry out of a trance.

“Can I ask you something, H?”

“Yeah,” Harry said, dragging his eyes away from his textbook.

“Well, um-” Drew frowned. “I was wondering if you wanted to go for dinner. You know, as like, um-”

“Are you… asking me out?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrows in mild surprise.

“Only if you want to. It’s completely cool if you just wanna stay friends, I know you’ve had a rough time of it, but I’ve wanted to ask you for ages.”

It had happened exactly how he wanted: naturally. Drew was a nice guy and he was cute, and Harry would probably have jumped at the chance, had things been different. But, now that push came to shove, he wasn’t sure if he could take the plunge.

“Sorry, can I let you know?” Harry sighed, smiling at his friend apologetically. “Let me figure out if I’m ready.”

Drew nodded. “Of course, H. Take your time.”

“Thank you,” Harry said sincerely. 

_ ➢ _

“I don’t know what to do,” Harry whined.

“He’s very cute, and he seems very nice,” Jess replied. “Oh, Harry, just say yes. You’re not committing to marriage, or a relationship, or even sex by going for dinner with him.”

“I know, but…”

“You’re not committing to  _ anything, _ in fact. He’s a good guy and you feel comfortable around him, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been waiting for this  _ exact _ opportunity, don’t let it pass you by.”

“But, Louis-”

“This is what Louis wants for you, Harry. Don’t try and use him as an excuse to say no.”

_ ➢ _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’ve got a date _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Yeah? That’s great Hazza _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Not sure I even wanna go _

Harry chewed on his bottom lip. Why was he even telling Louis? What was he expecting him to say?  _ Don’t go?  _ And now Louis wasn’t replying. He threw his phone down on his bed, sighing frustratedly. His date was tonight and his stomach was flip-flopping, and he was trying his best to at least look forward to it. He did enjoy Drew’s company, but now he felt it was loaded with pressure, meaning, and, scarily, even potential. 

He pulled himself together just in time. He rose to the occasion, wearing one of his nicer shirts and a new pair of black skinny jeans. Drew picked him up at 8pm, seeming nervous as they caught the tube to Covent Garden and he took Harry into a small Italian restaurant situated on a side street.

“This is my favourite restaurant in the whole of London,” Drew told him. “The garlic bread in particular is phenomenal.”

“Who eats garlic on a date, Drew? Honestly,” Harry teased, grinning, staring down at his menu. 

“Excuse me, I’m obsessed with garlic. I’m not giving it up for you.”

“Hm.” Harry laughed, feeling himself relax a bit and then a snap of anxiety. It was almost like he was catching himself, scolding himself for having a good time. The conflict was tiring, frankly.

Harry’s evening wasn’t too different to any other length of time he’d spent with Drew. He had a nice enough time, laughing and joking, almost managing to relax on the rare moments he managed to distract himself enough to forget about Louis for a few seconds. At the end of the night, Drew walked him back to his halls. When he got in he went straight to bed, turning the lights off and, feeling overwhelmed and confused, cried as quietly as he could manage.

_ ➢ _

Harry felt conflicted and, after a while, he kind of just accepted that moving on without Louis was going to feel strange. That being out of sorts was his new natural state. And, well, it sucked. Maybe this was how he was destined to live, Louis sitting in the back of his mind for the rest of his days. Maybe Louis would always be a part of him.

And so, Harry resolved to focus as best he could on Drew. He really was a great guy, and Harry wanted to try to make it work. What else could he do at this point? They went out again, and when they kissed, it was scary and overwhelming. Harry was nineteen and hadn’t kissed a boy since he was fifteen, and, to top it all off, it wasn’t Louis he was kissing. 

He persevered, and it did get easier. He was reluctant to call Drew his boyfriend, but it seemed like that was the way they were heading and a few weeks later, Drew took Harry’s virginity. It was fine _.  _ Nice even. It’s just that Harry thought about Louis the whole time and he felt like an arsehole for it. Well, that and he hadn’t told Drew it was his first time. It’s not exactly that he was embarrassed, but he hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of it, and he had just rather kept that secret close and guarded.

_ ➢ _

Louis called him the next day and Harry’s heart pounded heavily in his chest as he watched the phone ring.  _ It’s like he knows. _ Harry’s brain zipped through several wild conspiracy theories to work out how that might be true as he picked up his phone and answered.

“Hiya, Lou.”

_ “Do grey and green go together? Clothing wise?” _

“Um-” Harry blinked, surprised. “Sure. Why not?”

_ “Hm.” _

“What you up to?”

_ “Just having second thoughts about this green jumper I bought.” _

“I think it probably looks-” Harry sighed. Keeping up normal conversation felt absurd. He had to be honest with Louis.  “Lou, can I tell you something?”

Louis paused for a beat too long.  _ “Yeah,”  _ he answered warily.

“Remember I was going on that date?”

_ “I remember.” _

“Well, um…” Harry sighed. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to tell Louis, except this was  _ his _ doing, this was exactly what he wanted, even though it probably wasn’t what he  _ actually _ wanted, and… “Well, I’ve been seeing him.”

_ “Right. Oh,”  _ Louis mumbled.  _ “Okay, so, have you…?” _

“Yeah,” Harry whispered, feeling himself choking up. 

Louis was silent for a beat too long. He cleared his throat.  _ “How was it?” _

“Lou…”

_ “I just mean, like… how do you feel?” _

“I’m okay,” Harry shrugged to himself, sighing and staying silent for a few seconds. “Feel a bit like I’ve cheated.”

_ “No, Haz.”  _ Louis sighed.  _ “Bit weird, isn’t it.” _

“Yeah.” Harry laughed sadly. “He’s such a nice guy, he’s lovely to be around and I’m comfortable with him, but I just…”

_ “Give it time, love,” _ Louis said quietly. 

Harry knew he was right. As he hung up, he was starting to realise that Louis had been right all along, really. The pain of his split from Louis he carried with him every single day, but life was that tiny bit easier.

_ ➢ _

It was Saturday morning and spring was starting to rear its head, the sun breaking through the trees and putting Harry in a good mood. He was meeting Drew for brunch and, grabbing a coffee, he made his way to the reception where they were meeting. He frowned, hearing a commotion.

“Sorry,” an impatient male voice rang out through the echoing lobby. “I don’t know his surname.”

“Sir, I-”

“All I know is that his name is Harry and he is studying physiotherapy.”

Harry froze in place. Who could possibly be looking for him, but didn’t know his surname? His initial panic that it was Louis disappeared immediately when he realised he’d have recognised his voice. He tiptoed around the corner and saw the back of a man wearing a leather jacket, short dark hair and about his own height. The man huffed, turning slightly and Harry recognised him at once.

“Zayn?!”

The man looked up, meeting his eyes and he knew for sure this was Zayn. He’d know that face anywhere: sharp, chiseled jaw; dark, mysterious eyes; and a pout worthy of several modelling contracts.

“Are you Harry?” he asked, looking like he already knew the answer. He looked him up and down, making Harry feel self conscious. “We need to talk, mate.”

“What’s happened? Is Louis okay?” Harry asked, voice trembling as Zayn gestured over to a seating area against the wall.

“Mate, he’s fucking miserable.” Zayn sighed. “We met up for dinner on Thursday and he’s a mess.”

Harry stared at him, unblinking. “You… were with him on Thursday?” 

He couldn’t believe that a man was standing in front of him - living, breathing, judging - who had spent time with  _ his Louis _ just a few days ago. It was dizzying.

“Yeah. He can't concentrate on anything, Harry, he really needs to pay attention at Uni or-”

“Sorry…” Harry sighed. “Are you aware that  _ he _ broke up with  _ me _ ?”

“Well, I thought you loved him. Why aren't you fighting for him?”

“I can't force him to be with me, Zayn.” Harry sighed heavily, spotting Drew outside. He saw Harry and smiled, coming in through the door, pausing uncertainly a few feet away. He tensed, glancing between the two of them. “It wasn't healthy for either of us, being in a relationship when we hadn't even met each other.”

“So, meet up with him.”

“I tried, Zayn!” Harry said, hushed. “Look, I've got to get off.” He gestured in the direction of Drew and Zayn’s face fell.

“Right.”

Harry frowned, hesitating before approaching Zayn and pulling him into a tentative hug. 

“Please look after him,” he whispered in Zayn’s ear. “I love him. I always will.”

Zayn exhaled noisily. Whether that was a sigh or a laugh, Harry couldn’t tell. “Don't tell him I came to see you.”

“I won't.” Harry pulled away, smiling placatingly. “Did you come all the way here just to say that?”

“Nah, man, was visiting some mates who study on this campus and thought I’d chance it.”

“Oh,” Harry said in surprise. “Can’t believe you found me.”

Zayn shrugged awkwardly. “Well, good to meet you.”

“You too.” Harry nodded, smiling genuinely. He watched Zayn leave, before turning to Drew and trying to conceal how freaked out he was feeling.

_ ➢ _

John was tone deaf and Harry really, really wished he wouldn’t sing. He’d woken up in a bad mood, having dreamt about Louis.That meant he woke up with a semi and now John was singing, and hadn’t even had the courtesy to bring Harry a cup of tea.

“John, I’m gonna smother you with your pillow in your sleep.”

“Morning!”

Harry huffed loudly. “I’m not getting up this morning.”

“You have a lecture.”

“I’m not getting up, ever.”

“Remember when we first got here and I thought you were all,  _ up with the sun, fitness freak, never had a lie in _ ?” John smirked.

“That was before I got my heart broken.”

John’s smile faded. He frowned at Harry, sitting down at the end of his bed.

“I know it ain’t my business, but if you’re seeing that other bloke-”

“I know, I know.” Harry sighed impatiently. “I know. I should be over Louis. Or at least not still so hung up on him, and it’s not fair to Drew, and…”

“Do you love Drew?”

“We’ve only been seeing each other for like a month. It’s not serious.”

“Do you love Louis?”

Harry stuck his bottom lip out in thought. John gave him a knowing look, shrugging and standing up. 

_ ➢ _

Drew folded his arms, smiling sadly. “It’s okay, Haz. I’m not exactly surprised, if I’m honest.”

“I’m so sorry.” Harry sighed. “It’s not fair on you at all. I hope we can stay friends? I do really like being with you.”

“Of course we can.” Drew scooted closer to Harry on the sofa, hugging him close. “I’ll always fancy you, though.”

Harry laughed thickly, trying to mask the twisted type of disappointment he was feeling. He felt so regretful about splitting with Drew, and a small part of him resented Louis for it. If it weren’t for him, this probably would’ve gone somewhere, but his heart belonged to Louis. There was no changing that. After seeing Zayn and talking to John, he just realised that while he was still in love with Louis, moving on was pointless  _ and _ unfair to Drew.

He spent most of that evening curled up in the common room, texting Niall. John walked through, checking Harry was alright on his way, and when it got to 9pm, Harry couldn’t hold out any longer.

**_Haz:_ ** _ You free for a chat? _

Louis rang him a few minutes later.

_ “Hiya, you alright, love?” _

“I’m okay.” Harry sighed heavily. 

_ “Been up to anything today?” _

“Long day. Don’t talk to me about anything involving the musculoskeletal system.”

_ “But that’s my favourite thing to talk about!” _ Louis laughed.

“Hey Lou?”

_ “Haz?” _

“I split up with Drew today.”

Louis was silent for a full minute, and a lot of thoughts managed to dart through Harry’s head in that time. Was he pleased? Was he disappointed? Did he care? He  _ must _ care, surely?

_ “Oh, um…”  _ He cleared his throat.  _ “Are you okay?” _

“Just one of those things.” Harry sighed. “It’s a huge shame, I did really like him, but…”

Harry reckoned Louis was holding his breath and the thought caused a shiver to zip up his spine.

_ “Hm?” _

“It felt wrong, Lou. He’s not you.”

_ “Harry…”  _ Louis said quietly. 

“I know, you wanted me to go out and meet people, and I did that. I went out with someone, I kissed him, I slept with him, I started a relationship with him but everything comes back to you.”

_ “Hazza, darling, I just don’t think ‘us’ is a good idea until we meet.” _

“So, let’s meet.”

_ “Are you ready?” _

“Of course I am. When we were gonna meet that time, I-”

_ “You were about to leave, I know. Well… where are we gonna find the time?” _

Harry paused for a beat. “Louis, if you really wanted to meet, you’d make the time.”

_ “I do want to meet you, Harry, but it’s really complicated.” _

“Talk to me, love.” Harry sighed, trying to hide his exasperation. 

Harry heard sniffling down the line. Shit.

_ “Look, I’m kind of insecure and I get anxious, and the more I fall in love with you the more of a big deal it becomes and the harder it is for me to meet you.” _

“Oh, Louis.” Harry sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I know it’s terrifying. I’m fucking scared about this whole thing. But we  _ have _ to meet. One day, at least.”

_ “I know,” _ Louis said quietly.  _ “I wanna meet you so fucking badly. I love you, Haz.” _

“Love you too, Louis,” Harry sighed, glancing around the common room. “I’d better get off, but, um… can I call you tomorrow?” He lowered his voice. “When I’m alone?”

_ “Okay, yeah.” _

_ ➢ _

_ “It feels kinda weird, now,” _ Louis said.  _ “Knowing you’ve been with someone else.” _

“That’s what you wanted, Lou,” Harry said gently.

_ “I know, but…” _ he sighed.  _ “It’s just strange, innit.” _

“I was always thinking of you, love,” Harry whispered. “Promise.”

_ “It is what it is,” _ Louis said.  _ “One day I hope you’ll be mine. All mine.” _

“Yeah, I wanna be,” Harry replied softly. “Wanna be naked with you.”

_ “Tell me something you learned, babe.” _

“Um?” Harry frowned. “I mean, I learned what getting a blow job feels like.”

_ “Yeah? How did it feel?” _

“You sure you want me to talk about this?”

_ “Yeah, babe.” _

“Um- well… it felt amazing. So hot and wet, and-”

_ “Want you to come in my mouth so bad, babe. You want me to suck you?” _

“Yeah. Fuck, Lou.” Harry swallowed and moved his right hand down to wrap around his dick, hard and laying on his stomach. “Bet you’re really good with your tongue.”

_ “Close your eyes, Harry. Gonna run my hands down your chest. God, you’re fit.” _

“Not as toned these days,” Harry sighed, stroking his dick. “Got off track a bit.”

_ “You still look incredible. Feel incredible. Fuck, look how hard you are.” _

Harry opened his eyes, pulling his phone away from his ear and opening the camera.

“Really hard,” he breathed as he snapped the picture and sent it.

_ “Oh, my God,”  _ Louis whined, sounding more and more strained.  _ “Look at that gorgeous cock. God, I love you so much.” _

“Love you too.” Harry sighed, thumbing the head of his dick. 

_ “Gonna suck a love bite into your hip. Wanna mark you, babe. You’re mine.” _

“Yeah, yours.” Harry sighed, moving his hand more intently.

_ “When you take your clothes off, they’ll know you’re mine.” _

“Not taking my clothes off for anyone but you.”

_ “Gonna get my mouth on you. Don’t know if I can even take you all in, but I’ll try my best, love.” _

“I’m close already, Lou,” Harry huffed, feeling the familiar tightness coiling, tensing his muscles and gritting his teeth as he hurtled towards orgasm. 

_ “Come in my mouth, Harry. Shit, fuck my mouth.” _

Harry gasped, letting go of his release, coming hard up his stomach and all over his hand. He moaned, trembling as he continued to come, finally starting to come down as he shakily caught his breath.

“Jesus.” He laughed. “I came  _ hard, _ Lou.”

_ “You’re so beautiful when you come,” _ Louis breathed, and then he was coming, groaning quietly, and Harry closed his eyes and smiled as he savoured the all-too-familiar sounds that he missed so, so much.

_ ➢ _

They had close to four weeks off for Easter and it had been long arranged that Niall would come down to London. He stayed in a hotel and Jess stayed with him. Harry met up with them often, but gave them the space to rekindle and spend some time together. Meanwhile, Louis had gone to Blackpool with Zayn for a week and then he was headed home until term started.

Louis sent Harry a picture of a pouting Zayn on what looked like a very cold beach, and he stared at it for a stupid amount of time. He wondered if Louis was as pretty as Zayn, and something stirred inside of him. He recalled the vivid memory of Zayn being stood in front of him, talking to him, hugging him. And now, in this very moment, he was with Louis, talking to him and laughing with him. He was jealous... and a little bit freaked out. He felt like he and Louis had some kind of additional connection now.

They didn’t speak much over that period. Harry didn’t want to push anything and didn’t feel like he had the right, even, considering they hadn’t technically gotten back together. He’d spent some time with Drew, a slightly awkward atmosphere tainting the air, but the two of them mostly being able to fall back into their friendship. They didn’t talk about Louis. Drew still didn’t know the full extent of the situation; he knew it was complicated, but he never pushed Harry for information. He had no idea that it hadn’t been a regular, real life relationship. No idea he’d taken Harry’s virginity. Harryfelt kind of guilty for holding stuff back from Drew, but in the grand scheme of things, did it really matter?

Harry used the break to get back into the swing of his swimming, trying to catch up with months of an inconsistent schedule. He also took a few days out to visit Gemma where she was now living in Bristol. All in all, when the summer term started, Harry felt a little bit like he’d pressed the restart button. Things felt like they’d slotted into place a little bit, and he was waking up every morning not feeling wrong, like he had for the entire year.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Guess what! _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m going to New York with some of my classmates over the summer! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ The entire summer?? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Only like 6 weeks. We’re gonna go see loads of shows, do some dance classes, some workshops, it’s gonna be great! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ That’s so cool love :) _

The thought of going on holiday over the summer was an absolute dream, and Harry wished he could afford it himself. In fact, if he was wishing for stuff, he wished he was going with Louis. Walking hand in hand down the bustling streets, going on theatre and dinner dates, kissing in Central Park, having sex in a cramped hotel room with the bright lights of New York streaming through the window. He pouted to himself.  _ One day.  _

_ ➢ _

They continued in a sort of limbo. They weren’t  _ together  _ but they weren’t  _ apart. _ it didn’t matter to Harry, really; he had no intention of seeing anyone now that he knew it wouldn’t work out. There had been absolutely nothing wrong with Drew, except that  _ he wasn’t Louis _ .

But something was niggling at him. His first year at Uni had finished and he and Jess were on the train heading home, Jess asleep on his shoulder.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Lou can I ask you something _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Course my love _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Did you see anyone? Like go on dates and stuff? _

**_Louis:_** _When you were seeing Drew? Nope. Kissed a few lads but that’s it_

**_Haz:_ ** _ Ok :) What about now? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No love. I’m in the same boat as you. _

Jess suddenly violently started awake and scared Harry so much he dropped his phone.

“You’re a freak!” he told her.

“Sorry,” she said sleepily, grinning as she rubbed her eyes. “Was having a weird dream.”

Harry rolled his eyes, retrieving his phone. “Is it weird I kind of don’t want to be going home?” 

“A bit,” she shrugged with a smile. “Enjoying independent living, then?”

“I suppose so.”

“Enjoying your single bed and sharing a room?”

“Oh God. It  _ will  _ be nice not to wake up freezing because John’s opened the window. Or because he’s singing loudly.”

“Bless him.”

“I love John. I will miss him this summer. But I won’t miss sharing a room with him. It’s alright for you, you’ve got your own room.”

“At least you’re moving out of halls, now.” Jess rolled her eyes. 

“At least you’re not gonna be living with four biochemistry geeks,” Harry grinned. “We offered you a room.”

“Niall didn’t want me living with my ex.”

“Shut up!” Harry laughed. 

_ ➢ _

Harry had to face most of the summer without Louis, due to him being away from wifi and busy most of the time, not to mention the time difference. They whatsapped each other every day, having to be content with waiting hours at a time for a reply. Louis seemed to be having a fantastic time and Harry was pleased for him, receiving copious amounts of photos of New York, sometimes with one of Louis’ friends in it but never Louis himself (presumably).

Harry had picked up a few shifts in the bakery while he was back, feeling oddly like nothing had changed these past few years. Except that  _ everything _ had changed. He was no longer in a committed relationship with Louis. He’d had a  _ real life _ boyfriend. He knew more about muscles than he ever thought possible and he was jealous of every single resident of New York City. He sighed to himself. Everything had changed but everything was sort of the same.

“Wakey wakey!”

Harry jolted out of his perusement as his mother walked into the bakery, raising her eyebrows and smiling.

“Hi, Mum.”

“Such a good employee, always paying attention.”

“Quiet, you.” He smiled fondly at his mum. “Did you just come in to pick on me or did you want to make a purchase?”

“Well, I was passing and wanted to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“A package came for you.”

“Okay…” Harry said, frowning at her strange tone.

“It was addressed to Harry Cox, at your grandmother’s house.”

Harry’s ears turned red, burning as his eyes widened and he turned away from his mum to hide his face.

“Well?” she prompted.

“Um- well…” he sighed, rolling and closing his eyes. “Okay, Louis wanted an address to send me things. Don’t look at me like that, I just mean like Christmas cards. So I gave him Nan’s address and a slightly false name. Just to protect myself, Mum.”

“It’s alright, Harry. That’s very clever.”

“I’m a genius, Mum, you know that.”

She frowned at him sternly, eyes twinkling. She bought herself a ‘cheeky cupcake’ before heading off home.

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek, feeling uneasy. What has Louis sent him now? Had it come from home or from New York? How long had his Nan had it? What if Louis had sent it when they were still together and it’d got lost in the post until now?!

He had an excruciating two-hour wait until his shift finished, and then he practically ran home. As he barged through the front door, he saw a small box sitting on the hall table labelled  _ Harry Cox,  _ about the size of a standard envelope but a little deeper _. _ He grabbed it, ran upstairs to his room, closing and locking the door behind him. 

He placed the box on his bed as he kicked his shoes off, threw his keys on the desk and cautiously sat cross legged on his bed, staring at the box as if it could explode any second.

He finally grabbed it, unwrapping it carefully. There was a brown, cardboard box inside with a postcard of New York on top. That answered one question.

_ Harry! _

_ Wish you were here. Cliche but so fucking true. I’m gonna bring you to New York one day. Maybe when we’ve both graduated? Strange place to unwind, I know, but even in the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple, I’d be at peace with you. :) _

_ I love you, Harry. Even though we’re not together at the mo, I will always love you. I’ve sent you a little something to remind you if you ever need it! _

_ I promise you, 100%, we’ll meet next year. (I know what you're thinking. You've heard that one before.)  _

_ Always in my heart, _

_ Your Louis x _

Tears shimmered in his eyes and he put the postcard towards the end of his bed, safe from any rogue tears. He took a deep breath, opening the cardboard box.

A smaller box was inside and his heart jolted as he recognised the black box at once as a jewellery box. His heart hammered wildly as he opened it.

A silver ring was inside. A plain, simple wide band. Harry’s bottom lip wobbled, pulling it out of its box and slipping it on his left ring finger, realising it was a bit loose and moving it to his middle finger. 

_ What does this mean _ was circling in his head when he noticed a small note in the cardboard box.

_ Hazza, _

_ I never want to stop you moving on if you feel like you’re ready to, but if you choose not to, I’ll be waiting for you and, not to sound like a 14 year old, but this ring is my promise to you. I promise to make you a priority and I promise that I will continue to love you no matter what you look like or whatever else you might be worried about regarding us meeting. _

_ And not to be too full-on, but I think I want to marry you one day, but let’s take this one step at a time shall we?! _

_ xx _

Harry pulled his phone from his pocket, opening WhatsApp at once as tears streamed down his face.

“Lou,” he said, sending a voice message. “I just got your package. I don’t know what to say. I love you so, so much. You’re home in a few days I think? Call me, and we’ll chat. Hope you’re having a good time.”

_ ➢ _

**_Louis:_ ** _ When do you go back to London? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Tomorrow :(  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I was wondering… _

**_Louis:_** _I’m flying into Heathrow the day after tomorrow_

**_Louis:_ ** _ Was wondering if you wanted to meet me at arrivals :) _

Harry felt the pressure more than ever after Louis’ lovely, lovely declaration of love and his wonderful gesture. Harry absently twisted the ring around his finger, worrying his lip between his teeth. He was caught off guard. After everything they’d been through, by rights he should be ready to meet him, but panic was building in his gut.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Lou, I’m gonna be so busy cos me and John have to move into our new house _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I didn’t think, Harry I’m sorry _

**_Haz:_ ** _ :( You’re gonna be so close and I can’t see you _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Lol, that’s how I felt my whole first year of Uni, babe _

_ ➢ _

Harry and Jess made their way down to London bright and early, parting ways to move into their residences. Harry and John were moving in with three of John’s course mates to a small house. It was cosy. It was likely to get a bit cramped, but Harry was chuffed enough to have his own room. 

The living room was converted into a bedroom, so the only communal area was the kitchen with its small dining area. Harry didn’t think he’d do much socialising with these guys, but when the sun went down, he and John sat at the table and had a beer to celebrate their hard work.

“I think I’ll like it here. It’s so homey.”

“You mean it’s old.” John grinned. 

“Some of us like old.” Harry laughed as his phone buzzed in his pocket.

**_Louis:_ ** _ About to board. I’ll call you when I land! _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Can’t wait to hear your gorgeous voice :) And maaaaaaaybe test the sound insulation in my new room :) :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Fucking can’t wait! _

_ ➢ _

After nearly three months of sitting around or working in the bakery, Harry was looking forward to getting back to classes and lectures and studying. He was looking forward to seeing his friends and was shocked to see Jake had dyed his hair platinum blonde.

“Uh- that’s quite the transformation,” Harry said.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s, um, almost white.”

“Not an answer.”

“I mean, it suits you.” Harry grinned.

“That’ll do. Hey, new ring?”

“My boy sent it to me from New York.” He grinned shyly. “It’s a promise ring, no big deal.”

“You guys back together?!” Jake asked, taking Harry’s hand and eyeing the ring. “Hey, he goes to Manchester, right?”

“Yeah, he does.” Harry pulled his hand back, absently twisting his ring, relieved when Jake didn’t seem to notice that he hadn’t answered his first question. He and Louis weren’t officially back together, but Jake didn’t need to know that. It was complicated. And they were back together in essence anyway, right?

“Aw, he went on the drama trip? My friend Cassie went on that.”

Harry snapped his eyes up to Jake’s. “You know someone studying drama at Manchester?!”

“Small world.” Jake shrugged. “I saw her photos on Facebook, looks like they had a great time.”

Harry had to remind himself that nobody knew the intricacies of the situation; this was absolutely not a big deal to Jake but it was an incredibly huge deal to Harry.

“Let me see,” Harry said, nodding towards Jake’s phone. “Can I see her Facebook?”

“Yeah?” Jake shrugged, looking at Harry strangely. He opened Facebook on his phone and handed it to Harry.

Cassie’s New York pictures were at the top of her profile, and Harry quickly scanned for a group picture. He found one and his heart was beating wildly as the crappy Uni wifi struggled to load the photo.

“Shit,” Harry whispered. He was staring at six men in the picture, knowing one of them was likely Louis. He took a breath and hit the  _ show tags _ button.

The guy furthest on the right caught Harry’s attention as the little tag above his head read  _ Louis Tomlinson. _ Okay, not the surname he’d told Harry.  _ Obviously, _ Harry scolded himself.  _ You’d have found his Facebook otherwise. _

He was beaming and Harry felt a surge of emotion. He was a bit shorter than the other boys, and the picture was dark and grainy, but as far as Harry could tell, he seemed pretty good looking. 

He made his excuses and went home, dashing into his room and opening his laptop. The minute or so it took to boot up felt like hours. He opened Facebook and typed in  _ Louis Tomlinson. _

His profile picture was him in Times Square. Harry enlarged it and finally,  _ finally _ , got a good look at the man he was in love with.

He had dark hair with a fringe swept to the side and a gorgeous smile...and he was  _ beautiful _ . Harry couldn’t tell too much else from the picture, and the rest of his profile was locked down tight. He stared at the photo for about ten minutes, heart swelling with love and tears prickling his eyes as he stared at the man he’d been speaking to for three years. He blushed as he remembered all the groans and whines down the phone, the things they’d vowed to do to each other’s bodies,  _ the dick pics… _

He bashed one out solely from looking at the Times Square picture and afterwards he was more determined than ever to meet Louis. He knew what Louis looked like. Louis knew what Harry looked like, although he didn’t know it. Harry obviously no longer cared that Louis had used his photos, that ship had sailed (and Louis hadn’t sent him a photo in a good long while). The only thing left to find out was whether or not Louis would be angry when he found out Harry was the beaming, curly-haired boy whose pictures he stole back in 2010. Harry hoped with everything he had that he wouldn’t. 

_ ➢ _

Everything fell back into step after that. Harry made the most of having his own room, having copious phone sex sessions with Louis, plenty considering they weren’t officially a couple. He didn’t party as much as he did in his first year, opting to go out occasionally on a Friday night, but mostly choosing to lay low. He caught wind of Drew seeing someone new and he was happy for him, but also realised their friendship was probably as good as over, which he was regretful about. 

After a summer of being with Niall, Jess was starting to struggle with the long-distance a little bit. She started to seek Harry out for company more and more, which was fine by him. It started to become a sort of tradition that she’d come round on a Saturday night for a takeaway in front of the TV, falling asleep next to Harry and the two of them spending Sunday together, reading or studying. 

One Sunday towards the end of November, Jess was dozing with her textbook open on her chest and Harry was sitting cross legged next to her on the bed. He didn’t think it was fair that Jess was taking a break and he wasn’t, so he closed his textbook and pulled out his phone.

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m going crazy learning about the spine _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Help me, what are you doing? _

Louis wasn’t online and Harry huffed. He distractedly scrolled Facebook until Louis replied.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Just got out of rehearsal! It’s bloody cold out _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’ve not been outside at all, it’s pouring with rain here _

**_Louis:_ ** _ No swim today? _

**_Haz:_ ** _ I needed to rest, I went a bit too hard yesterday and nearly cramped _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Give yourself a massage lol _

**_Haz:_ ** _ When you’re a dancer in the west end think how much money you’ll save on physio _

**_Louis:_** _I’m sorry to burst your bubble but I’m really not gonna be a dancer lol_

**_Louis:_ ** _ But we’re gonna live in London are we? You been making plans? ;) _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Well I’m already here and London’s the best place for your career I think _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Well okay! :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’ve just got home and I have this new flatmate, Liam. He’s studying music. I’ve been home ten minutes and he’s not stopped singing ever since  _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I’m debating whether to do some laundry or have a wank _

**_Haz:_ ** _ THAT’S NOT FAIR I CAN’T JOIN IN _

**_Louis:_ ** _  You’re gonna have to suffer, brb ;) _

Harry rolled his eyes, pouting exaggeratedly for his own benefit, glancing over at Jess who was snoring slightly, eyelids twitching. He quickly snapped a picture of her, sending it off to Niall, grinning to himself. He carefully moved off the bed, going for a wee if only to distract himself from what he knew Louis was doing. When he got back into his room, he sat back on the bed, picking his phone up and seeing a reply from Niall. He started to reply, when-

**_Louis has sent a video_ **

Harry’s heart immediately started to pound, opening the chat. The preview of the video was just a black square; he glanced at Jess who was now laying completely flat, head on pillow on the other side of the bed.

**_Haz:_** _LOU don’t do this, I can’t watch, Jess is asleep next to me_

**_Haz:_ ** _ Omg _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Make sure the sound is muted babe, watch it :) _

**_Louis:_ ** _ Or headphones? _

Harry swallowed, shooting a glance at Jess. He scrambled to his feet, grabbing his headphones from his desk where they were plugged into his laptop. He sat back on the bed, angling himself away from Jess just in case, plugging the headphones in and pressing play.

It was… _ obscene. _ He was watching Louis’ hand stroke over his dick, gasping and moaning quietly. His hand was twisting efficiently, speeding up.

_ “Wanna fuck you, Harry, so much,” _ Louis whispered and Harry choked on a whine, pulling a pillow from behind him and placing it on his lap to hide his rapidly hardening dick. The video ended and Harry breathing had sped up. He hated Louis in this moment; why would he do this to him when he knew he couldn’t do anything about it?!

He almost didn’t watch the second video when it came through. His logic told him no but his arousal took over and he pressed play.

This video was far more erratic, less steady, and Louis’ hand was roughly pumping over his dick, his moans far more pronounced. His hips were bucking and then, Harry’s worst nightmare at this moment in time, Louis came, shouting and whining and calling Harry’s name, streaking his hand and lower stomach in a sticky, white mess, and Harry felt like he was going to cry with frustration.

**_Haz:_ ** _ Shit, you arsehole, that was so hot I’m so fucking hard, if it was a couple of years ago I would’ve come in my pants for sure _

**_Louis:_ ** _ You don’t fancy me as much anymore now? :( _

**_Haz:_ ** _ Shut up, I’m so close to jumping on a train and coming up to show you just how fucking hard for you I am _

**_Louis:_ ** _ I wish you would :) _

“What time is it?”

Harry jumped out of his skin as Jess sat up. 

“Oh, erm-” he stammered, pulling the buds out of his ears.

She looked at the pillow on his lap and pulled a face.

“Ugh, have you been humping your pillow while I was asleep?”

“No!” Harry laughed, wishing his face wasn’t bright red.

“I wish you two would just fucking meet and have an actual physical relationship so the rest of us don’t have to deal with your sexual frustration.”

“Did you prefer it when I was with Drew, then?”

“Ugh, no,” she admitted. “The pining was much worse.”

_ ➢ _

If Louis was ever bored to death hearing Harry talk about the musculoskeletal system, he got his revenge by making Harry watch films with him for his Transnational Chinese Cinema class. He said it was a form of study and revision, talking Harry through everything he’d learned and was observing as they watched the films alongside each other. Harry fell asleep almost every time and although Louis would get mad, it wasn’t for very long. 

“I’m dumping you. Why did you choose a Chinese Cinema unit?”

_ “It’s interesting to me.” _

“Why are you dragging me into it?”

_ “Harry, you’re my other half, if I suffer, you suffer.” _

“We’re not actually technically together at the moment, remember?”

_ “Only technically.” _

“Can’t you make Liam watch it?”

_ “Liam?”  _ Louis scoffed.  _ “He’d whine all the way through about not understanding.” _

Harry smiled. As they drew closer to Christmas, it was weighing on his mind that it was nearly a year since they had ended their relationship. Even if they were practically back there, falling back into a routine, they hadn’t technically committed to each other again. Louis didn’t want to tie Harry down until they met, he didn’t think it was fair, but Harry thought it was an unnecessary precaution as he had absolutely no intention of ‘moving on’. He wore his promise ring proudly every day and was happy to tell anyone who asked exactly what it meant.

A fear that was lingering in the back of his mind came screaming into reality as he prepared to go home for Christmas.

_ “Harry,” _ Louis said, sounding determined,  _ “Let’s meet up this Christmas. Drive over to Donny, or I’ll drive over to Knutsford, but please. Let’s just take the bloody plunge and do it.” _

“Oh, um…”

_ “I’m terrified, Hazza, but we have to do this. Come on. We’re both adults now, we’ve both made pretty serious tentative plans towards each other, this is getting out of hand.” _

“I know Lou, but I just-” he sighed, frustrated. “I’m probably gonna be pretty busy over Christmas. And if we meet now, we’ll just have to go our separate ways again in the new year and that’ll be too hard, Lou.”

_ “You’re just making excuses now, Harry.”  _ Louis sounded impatient and Harry felt a twinge of foreboding.  _ “I’m almost starting to think you’re hiding something. Are you?” _

“I mean, you don’t even know what I look like, and-”

_ “And how many times do I have to tell you it doesn’t matter to me? Do you not believe me? I’ve tried everything I possibly can to reassure you of that and I’m sorry, love, I’m not sure I believe that’s what’s holding you back, now.” _

“Lou, please, this is really hard for me.”

_ “I'm supposed to believe that you were prepared to meet me, you were just about to walk out the door when I cancelled on you. How do I know you wouldn't have stood me up?” _

“I  _ was _ coming, I swear.”

_ “But you won’t even meet me now, even though I am  _ begging _ you, Harry. Please.” _

Harry clenched his eyes shut as silent tears streamed down his face. Hearing Louis plead with him was excruciating, but springing this on Harry so last minute freaked him out. His hair needed a trim. His skin had broken out. He had nothing nice to wear. All bullshit reasons, obviously. Certainly nothing that should keep him from meeting Louis, but he was fucking scared. It was  _ real,  _ and it was soon. What if Louis didn’t take Harry’s lying very well? If they parted on bad terms, it’d eat Harry alive. He didn’t want to let Louis down but if he just had time to come to terms with it...

“Easter. Can we meet at Easter? I just think I need more time to prepare myself. It's too much pressure to agree to meet in like, a week.”

_ “Harry, do you realise that everything I've done was for you? God, I've waited for you, I've put myself through the unbearable pain of sending you off to be with someone else because I knew it was the best thing for you, since I couldn't get my shit together to meet you. Three years, Harry.” _

“I know. Fuck,” Harry grumbled as his voice broke, betraying to Louis that he was crying. “I love you so much. You love me. So please,  _ please _ give me one more chance, okay? Easter. If I haven't met you by then, I give you my complete blessing to walk away.”

Louis reluctantly agreed.

_ ➢ _

They'd come to an agreement, but Harry could tell Louis was still wound up, and so they barely spoke over Christmas break. He, of course, messaged Louis on his birthday, getting a kind, if a bit clinical, reply. Same on Christmas Day, although there was a card from Louis with a long declaration of love inside, so he assumed it was sent before their argument. 

On the 29th, he got a rather strange voicemail from Louis. 

“ _ Harry, love, just wanted to call and tell you I love you. You know I do, and I always will, and I want to tell you I'm sorry for anything that may happen in the future that makes you uncomfortable, or upset, and I hope we can work through those things together. I hope to see you soon, baby. Love you, bye.” _

Harry had a strange sense of foreboding and guessed Louis meant business; he was apologising in advance for the lies and identity theft. Harry was over it, had been over it for years, and knew that the time was now to start preparing himself to meet Louis and end this whole saga, once and for all, for better or worse. 


	5. Year Five

**Year Five**

 

New Year's Day hit Harry round the face like a wet fish. He’d gone to a house party a couple of miles away with Niall and Jess, walking back to Niall’s with them and crashing on the sofa. He woke up, body twisted, his back excruciatingly painful. He should’ve known better, being a physiotherapy student and all, but he’d been so drunk that he hadn’t been thinking. He couldn’t even remember the bulk of the night, and as he stood to his feet and painstakingly stretched his spine out, he prayed that he hadn’t done anything stupid.

He remembered that he hadn’t spoken to Louis at midnight and that ruined his day before it had started. If he remembered correctly, Louis said he would spend New Year’s Eve with his new flatmate Liam. They seemed practically inseparable since Liam moved in and Harry was trying not to feel stroppy about it, and when he did get a bit jealous he felt awful because in reality, he was glad Louis had made a new friend.

Harry groaned quietly to himself, walking into Niall’s kitchen and filling the kettle up, switching it on, and watching it boil. He made a pot of tea, leaving it to brew as he collapsed back onto the sofa, sighing.

He checked his phone, his day improving about 2% when he had a text from Louis.

**_Louis:_ ** _ Happy New Year Haz, looking forward to meeting you this year x _

Harry frowned. Not exactly the kind of loving, gushing message he was used to. Louis obviously didn’t believe in the slightest that Harry would pull himself together by Easter, and bubbling in Harry’s gut was the realisation that things would definitely change this year. Louis was slipping away from him and he really, really needed to pull himself together. The plunge needed to be taken and not only that, he really needed to make it up to Louis. 

_ ➢ _

Harry was loath to put distance between himself and Louis once again, but he reluctantly returned to London. It didn’t help that John was in love, telling Harry story after story at the breakfast table every morning.  _ What must it be like? _ Harry thought, _ being in a loving relationship, baggage free? _ John’s girlfriend was just as happy-go-lucky as he was, so at least she helped keep Harry smiling.

Harry had smoked on New Year’s and socially at a couple of parties after that, but the habit was getting into him and he had been smoking every day ever since. Jess berated him constantly, and he berated himself, because the lingering smell on his clothes reminded him of Louis after he’d smelt cigarette smoke on that Patrick Star t-shirt (which he may or may not have brought down to London with him). 

Harry had a favourite lunchtime bench, liked to sit there with his legs tucked up to his chest as he smoked. He watched students come and go, a few of them often sitting out on other benches or the grass, despite the winter chill. Harry could relate. Sometimes you just needed to be outside in the open after being cooped up inside.

It was late January and in ten days, Harry would be turning twenty. When he was sixteen, he was a nervous, young boy, coming to terms with who he was and looking for ways to embrace it. He’d turned to the internet to find someone to talk to and found far more than he’d bargained for. And come April, when he and Louis would hopefully finally meet, they’d have been speaking for four years. It was insane when he stepped back and thought about it. A resolution was long overdue either way, and in this moment he knew he would definitely follow through this time. There was no option of chickening out, it absolutely needed to be done. 

He’d be meeting Louis in April.

_ ➢ _

Falling asleep in the library was not a good look. John nudged Harry awake, laughing at him as he choked on his own spit.

“I’m going mad,” Harry muttered. “I can’t get my head around neuroscience.”

John burst into hysterical laughter at Harry’s unintentional joke, being shushed by the stern, angry librarian.

“Brilliant, mate,” John said, looking pleased. 

“We can’t all be biochemists, you know.”

John smirked, nudging one of their flatmates, Chris, on his left. Harry rolled his eyes, looking over to the door as Jess walked in and approached.

“I can’t believe you’re spending your birthday in the library,” she said, hushed. 

“Don’t feel like celebrating,” Harry grumbled.

“You don’t wanna go out?”

“It’s a Sunday.”

“Can we at least go for dinner?” Jess whined. “C’mon, do it for me. I need an excuse to indulge.”

“Fine,” Harry grinned. “I’ll pick you up in a few hours.”

He studied for a little bit longer before heading home for a nap. He laid down in his cool bed, sighing with relief before his phone started to buzz.

“God’s sake,” he sighed, flipping his phone over.

_ Louis. _

“Hello?”

_ “Happy birthday, Harry.” _

“Thanks. I was starting to wonder if you’d forgotten,” he said, smiling to himself.

_ “You’d better be joking!”  _ Louis laughed.  _ “I’d never forget.” _

“Haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s everything?”

_ “Yeah, good. Same old.” _

“Mm, yeah, same.” Harry sighed. “Not really enjoying my birthday, to be honest.”

_ “Oh, why babe?” _ Louis asked sadly.

“Dunno,” Harry grumbled, sighing and closing his eyes. “Feel a bit lonely, actually.”

_ “But you’ve got loads of friends at uni, haven’t you?” _

“Not really what I mean.”

The silence was poignant, and Harry choked down the urge to cry.

_ “Love you, Harry.” _

_ ➢ _

Valentine’s Day was the hardest. Harry didn’t hear from Louis, nor did he feel like he wanted to message him. Despite it being a Friday, he didn’t go out, instead opting to eat his own weight in popcorn and ice cream, watching three films back to back alone in his room. He didn’t like to wallow often, but Valentine’s Day was made for single people to wallow, wasn’t it?

It crossed Harry’s mind, more than he cared to admit, that Louis could be seeing someone. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t very likely. He would often twist his ring around his finger, using the action to ground himself and come to his senses. Louis loved him. Louis had waited almost four years for him. Louis wouldn’t have moved on at this stage, surely?

On the first of March, Harry was sitting in the garden, smoking under a tree, cup of tea sitting on the uneven ground next to him. At the end of March, spring term would be over and he’d be on Easter holiday, and then this saga would be over. He’d been thinking over recently whether it was a good idea to tell Louis who he was before they’d met or just let his face do the talking when they met. He was going round and round in circles and when his phone buzzed in his pocket, an unknown number calling him. He usually ignored unknown numbers, but his brain hurt. If it was someone trying to sell something, he figured that leading them on would be more fun than going out of his mind.

“Hello?”

_ “Hi, is this Harry?” _

Harry frowned, pulling himself to sit up straight. This wasn’t a cold call. This was an American man asking for him by name and he was equal parts intrigued and anxious.

“Yeah, speaking.”

_ “Oh, hi. This is Nev, from the MTV show Catfish.” _

Harry’s stomach flip-flopped and he felt a violent wave of nausea. No no no. No he  _ fucking  _ didn’t.

“Um- is this, like, a joke, or-”

_ “No, not a joke. Do you know why I’m calling you?” _

“Louis called you. I can’t believe it.”

_ “Well, one of his friends, Liam, actually contacted us. He was concerned about Louis.” _

“Oh.” Harry swallowed thickly, pulling himself to his feet and starting to pace the garden.

_ “So, we’re here with Louis. He’s been talking to you for a long time now, and he really wants to meet you.” _

“Like this?” Harry huffed.

_ “Just to clear some things up… is your name really Harry?” _

“Yes.”

_ “Oh, it’s just we couldn’t find anything at all on you.” _

“Cox isn’t really my surname,” he admitted. “That’s why.”

_ “Louis seems to think you’re hiding something and I’m not sure if I believe it’s just your surname. He told me to be gentle with you because you’re quite sensitive on the subject of the two of you meeting. But I think it’s because you’ve got something you’re hiding.” _

“I don’t really wanna talk about that.”

_ “Well, look, Louis is a great guy, he’s put up with more than enough, and I think he deserves to be able to move on.” _

“He does, I know.” Harry sighed, thick and heavy. “Okay, it’s time, I agree.”

_ “So you’ll meet him?” _

“Let’s do it.”

_ “Cool, so, you’re in London, is that right?” _

“Yeah, but, um- I’ll come up there, no point you all coming down here.”

_ “Sure.” _

“Oh and- you might as well tell Louis that I know he’s lying about his pictures.”

_ ➢ _

One mayday call from Harry and Niall dropped everything to rush down to Holmes Chapel for moral support. Harry had the best friends ever, really, and in the moment he was so fucking grateful. Harry jumped straight on a train a couple of hours later, arriving home and walking through the door at just after 5pm. 

“Harry!” Anne said, stunned, embracing her son. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

Harry took a deep breath before bursting into tears on his mother’s shoulder. She held him close, rocking him and making quiet shushing noises until he calmed down. 

“What’s happened?”

He told her the whole story, the  _ whole _ story: their meeting in the chat room and Louis using Harry’s photos; their back-and-forth attempts to meet; their split, Drew, and the promise ring. He told her about Catfish and she gasped.

“It wasn’t him, it was his friend Liam who called them.”

“He obviously agreed to it.”

“I should’ve known he’d never call them himself. He’d put enough pressure on me, and in fact I was prepared to meet him over the Easter holidays. But I suppose he decided to take the plunge.”

“I know you’re scared, lovely.” Anne sighed. “You both need to face up to your mistakes and lies.”

“Please don’t say that L word. It makes me feel horrible.”

“Yeah, and as I said, you need to face it.”

Harry blinked at his mum.

“He’s gonna hate me,” he whispered.

“If he loves you, he’ll come around.”

Harry just had to hope and pray that his mum was right. After all this time, Harry had completely lost perspective in terms of what he’d done. Was it really that bad? He sighed helplessly, raising his eyebrows at his mum.

“Do you think I’m crazy? Sometimes, I think I’m crazy.”

“Love can make us do really crazy things, Harry.” Anne smiled kindly. “Look, it’s my job as your mother to be sceptical, but honestly, I don’t really think you have anything to worry about in terms of Louis.”

“Really?”

“He’ll probably be angry at your deception, but it sounds like he really does love you, Harry, and he’s clearly serious about meeting you. If he wasn’t before, he is now. You  _ are _ going to meet.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed, grinning sheepishly at Anne’s disapproving look. “I’m gonna meet him tomorrow. I’m  _ actually _ going to meet him tomorrow, and it’ll all be over. I’m terrified, Mum.”

“I know, baby,” she soothed with a sigh. “You’ve both made your bed, and now you have to lie in it.”

_ ➢ _

“Can’t believe he called Catfish.”

“It wasn’t him, it was Liam.”

“It’s a bit cheeky, isn’t it?” Niall scoffed. “Steals your pictures, then calls Catfish on you as if you’re the one in the wrong!”

“It wasn’t- never mind.” Harry rolled his eyes. 

Niall took a swig of beer from his bottle. “I can’t believe you’ll have  _ met _ him by this time tomorrow. Isn’t it weird that all these years, there’s been a real life  _ person _ behind all your texts and phone calls?”

Harry shot him a confused look. “Um- yeah.”

“Like, even if he’s some weirdo, he’s a living, breathing, shitting person.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

“He’s not a weirdo, Niall.” He sighed. “I’m so worried about this.”

“Why?”

“I’m anxious. And not only that, I’m worried I’ll give off a terrible impression. You know how I get. If I don't throw up, I’ll probably sweat through my clothes and lose the ability to speak.”

“It’ll all be okay, Haz.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Look, one way or another, it’s all gonna be over in 24 hours. Good or bad, it’ll be  _ over. _ You’ll be able to get on with your life, for better or for worse. You’ve been living in limbo since you were sixteen, mate. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, this is a good thing.”

_ ➢ _

Harry was banking on getting a good night’s sleep in his own bed, but what a stupid expectation that was, because when he finally fell asleep he kept waking up to check his phone. He couldn’t keep still, and he tried everything to fall asleep: listening to music, watching TV, going for a walk… he even tried to have a wank but he was so tense that he just couldn’t get in the mood.

Anne woke him up in the morning with a tray of tea and toast. He groggily pulled himself up and crossed his legs under him, sighing and smiling weakly as his mum laid the tray down and sat on the end of the bed.

“Thanks, mum,” he murmured.

“You okay?”

“I barely slept.” He sighed. “I’m exhausted.”

“I bet Louis didn’t sleep either, honey.” 

Harry felt a sense of nostalgia. It felt just like he was a kid, home sick from school, Mum bringing him toast and too-sweet tea to make him feel better and get something into his stomach. He was twenty years old and his mother was looking after him. He felt just a little bit pathetic. 

“Now,” Anne prompted, “Do you want me to leave before they come? Or just get out the way? Hang around in case you need your mum?”

“I think I’ll be okay.” He smiled gratefully. “I’ll have Niall here.”

“Okay.” Anne pressed a kiss to Harry’s head. “Eat your breakfast and have a shower, and when you come down I’ll have a pot of coffee waiting.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

_ ➢ _

Niall arrived promptly at 11am and Nev told Harry they’d arrive around midday. His mum made herself scarce once Niall arrived, and Harry couldn’t stop pacing. He and Louis hadn’t been in contact, and Harry stared at his phone and turned to Niall. 

“Do you think I’m allowed to text him?”

“Leave it, Harry.”

“I’m not gonna confess anything, I just-” he sighed, typing out a text and turning to show Niall his phone. “Think that’s okay?”

**_Haz:_ ** _ I’m sorry this got so messy, I’m so excited to meet you Lou. I love you xx _

_ ➢ _

“Shit, okay, I need to get dressed.”

“I did wonder why you of all people were dressed in sweats to meet the love of your life.”

Harry ran up the stairs, tripped near the top, and quickly got changed. He didn’t want to go too bold, but wanted to look good. He opted for black skinny jeans and a white t-shirt. Simple, but effective. 

“Yes. Good.” Niall nodded as Harry walked down the stairs. “They should be here in ten minutes.”

Harry nodded, before suddenly darting back up the stairs, into the bathroom, and throwing up into the toilet.

He sighed, rinsing his mouth before brushing his teeth again. He took deep breaths, trying to steady his stomach.

“You okay?” Niall asked uncertainly as he came down the stairs again. 

“Think so,” Harry said, rubbing his stomach pathetically. “I’m trying so hard not to cry.”

Niall wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist, listening to him breathing slowly to steady himself. There was a knock at the door and Harry let out a squeak.

“Fuck, fuck, oh fuck.”

“Look, I’ve been thinking,” Niall said quickly, turning to force eye contact with Harry. “Let me go out first, talk to them, let them know you’re nervous. Just so you can take your time, and they don’t lay into you, or anything. Plus, Louis knows me, I’ve spoken to him.”

Harry stared at Niall.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed, nodding quickly. “Just make sure they don’t think I’m you.”

“Got it. Take your time, okay? I’ll let them know you’re definitely coming out, when you’re ready.” Niall took a deep breath, glancing at Harry who moved into the living room and listened to the front door bang closed as Niall went outside.

Harry stayed away from the window but could see figures in the front garden through the net curtains. He could hear the murmuring noise of Niall’s voice, and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick again. He fought against it, really not wanting to risk smelling of vomit when he met Louis. He ran into the kitchen and popped a chewing gum in his mouth.

Fuck, this was a huge deal.  _ His Louis _ was right outside his house, metres away from him. Harry couldn’t breathe. He walked back into the living room, leaned against the wall and slid down it, desperately trying to catch his breath. He clutched either side of his head, still managing to have the mind to avoid messing up his hair.  _ Pull yourself together, _ he told himself.  _ This is important. _

His entire adult life had literally revolved around this man. Harry might even have gone as far as saying Louis had contributed to shaping the person he was today. He was trying desperately to fight tears when a voice made him look up from the floor.

“Are you okay?” Niall asked, hurrying over to Harry.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, letting Niall pull him to his feet. “Give me a sec.”

“Deep breaths, Haz.”

“Is he okay?” Harry asked. “Is he nervous? He’s gorgeous, don't you think?”

“Come out and see for yourself,” Niall said softly. “No time like the present.”

“Fuck.”

Harry let Niall lead him to the front door, letting out a small whine.

“Don’t cry,” Niall told him. “You’ll get all blotchy.”

Harry’s face broke into a very weak smile. “Fuck, here I go.”

Harry hesitated, his hand on the door handle for a few seconds, before suddenly having a surge of bravery and he pulled the door open.

He saw Nev and Max, a couple of cameramen, and then, to his right, was Louis. It really was. He looked incredibly nervous, staring at the ground with his arms folded. He was dressed in black skinny jeans and a dark grey t-shirt and he looked perfect.

And then Louis lifted his head, looking up at Harry. His expression was a blend of hope, fear, shyness as he looked into Harry’s eyes for two seconds before his face fell.

Louis rolled his eyes, clenching them closed and hiding his face behind his hands. He turned around and walked away, climbing into a car parked a couple of houses down. Harry watched after him helplessly, feeling a hand slip around his shoulder.

“Give him space,” Niall whispered. “Give him a minute.”

Nev went after Louis, and Max approached.

“You’re Harry?”

Harry nodded, tight lipped, worried his tears would spill over any second.

“Do you know why Louis’ upset?”

Harry took a deep, shuddering breath. “It was my pictures he was using.”

Nev was returning with Louis, and Harry turned to stare at him with wide, shimmering eyes.

“Hi, I’m Nev,” Nev held a hand out, and Harry shook it with his own sweaty one.

“Harry.”

“Of course, you know Louis.”

“Hi, Lou.” Harry smiled, trying to reassure him but it felt forced and pained. 

Louis was staring at the ground, looking absolutely crestfallen.

“Louis, understandably, feels a little… humiliated,” Nev said.

“It’s not what you think, Louis. Let me explain?” He pleaded.

“Can we come inside?” Nev asked.

Harry nodded, turning to head inside. The atmosphere was extremely charged and awkward, and Harry was glad to get inside his own house and sit down. Niall sat on the other side of the room, out of shot, and Nev sat next to Harry, Louis in an armchair and Max stood to the side.

He couldn’t believe  _ Louis _ was sitting on his sofa. Louis was here. He was a living, breathing person. He looked devastated. Harry couldn’t breathe again.

“Shall we start at the beginning?” Nev prompted. “Louis, do you want to talk about how you came to use Harry’s photos?”

So, Louis told his story. He’d been browsing Facebook and found Harry on the event page for a concert they’d both attended, The Script. He thought Harry was cute and, when he joined the chat room, he felt a bit insecure about his looks. At school he hid behind humour and sarcasm, and didn’t want to be judged just by how he looked.

“It just kind of got away from me,” Louis finished quietly.

Harry had been listening intently, not just to Louis’ words and trying to comprehend the implications of what he was saying, but to the beautiful rasp and lilting of his voice. A voice he knew well through the phone but it was dizzying to hear him with such clarity. 

“Um,” Harry said, clearing his throat, taking a deep breath and preparing to tell his side. “When I saw you in the chat room, I opened a private message and typed out a long, angry message, but I deleted it before I sent it. I thought that you’d just disappear and probably pop up somewhere else, still using my pictures. So I thought I’d talk to you for a bit before I laid into you, you know. Try and find out your intentions.

“I was sixteen, I’d just come out, and I’d found someone fun and easy to talk to.”

He looked at Louis, who was finally making eye contact with him. His gaze was softer than Harry had dared to hope and a surge of excitement zipped up his spine.

“He was bloody smitten!” Niall said from across the room. “Never shut up about Louis.”

Louis leaned back in the chair, smiling over to Niall, and Harry’s heart soared. Louis’ eyes crinkled as he smiled, lighting up the room and Harry was impossibly endeared.

“I do feel awful, Louis.” Harry sighed.

“I kinda thought you were just  _ that _ insecure.” Louis said quietly. “I kept telling myself that it wasn’t odd that you hadn’t shown me a picture, like, I was trying to convince myself. When I started to fall in love with you,” his voice started to crack, “I just felt so down sometimes that you had such little self-esteem that you couldn’t even share one photo with me, even after all these years.”

Louis was frowning and Harry felt like a dark cloud had settled over his head.

“It ate me up inside sometimes, Harry.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry replied quietly. “I felt the same way about you, too.”

“The difference is, Harry, I actually  _ did _ feel that way!” Louis sighed. “When I first went into that chat room, I really was  _ that _ insecure that I couldn’t bring myself to use my own photo. I was wrong to steal your pictures and I should’ve come clean, definitely. But you knew my biggest secret for four years and you just sat on it, letting me constantly send you photos of yourself! I mean - how embarrassing is that?”

“Louis, look.” Harry sighed heavily. “I get what you’re saying, but you’re acting as if what you did wasn’t that bad. What about me? I was a sixteen year old boy, new to the community, and just wanting to find some friends, someone to talk to. I come into this chat room and see someone using my photo. For all I knew, you were a weirdo trying to lure boys in with a fake picture. I didn’t know you were an insecure eighteen year old. The first thing I thought was ‘Someone is using my photo, pretending to be me to take advantage of teenagers’. I didn’t know any different and the  _ last _ thing I expected was to fall in love with you.”

Silence filled the room like a heavy blanket, settling over everyone with the weight of Harry’s words. For the first time, he actually felt vulnerable and he had the mad urge to stand up, run out of the front door, and keep on running until he couldn’t run anymore.

“Seems to me,” Nev interjected, “you both did things you’re not proud of, that you’re sorry for.”

“I’m really sorry, Louis,” Harry said softly. “But you need to understand how it felt for me.”

“Okay. You’re right, I’m sorry.” Louis sighed. “I suppose we were both stupid. I promise, everything else I told you is true.”

“Me too,” Harry said quietly.

“Truce?” Louis smiled tentatively.

Harry just grinned back to him.

“Okay…” Nev interrupted. “I think maybe we should give you guys some time alone to talk, get acquainted.”

Harry stood to his feet, tilting his head to tell Louis to follow him. They walked out into the back garden, and Harry led Louis over to the swing seat his mum had bought last summer. The camera crew filmed them from the other end of the garden, giving them at least the illusion of privacy. 

“Before we…” Harry chewed his bottom lip nervously. “Can we hug?”

Louis smiled, opening his arms. Time seemed to move in slow motion as Harry stepped forward, their bodies coming into contact, and Harry felt a rush of emotion. Relief, attraction, love. Louis was warm and smelt slightly familiar.

“Okay.” Louis sighed, pulling away. “That broke the tension a bit, I think.”

Harry smiled, exhaling heavily. Louis sat down, swinging the seat rapidly so Harry had difficulty catching it.

“Hey!” Harry smiled shyly, finally managing to sit down without falling on his arse.

“Okay.” Louis took a deep breath, exhaling heavily and smiling at Harry. “We were both in the wrong. We both fucked up. Can we draw a line under it?”

“Please.” Harry nodded, sighing with relief.

“Harry?” Louis asked. “Do you love me?”

Butterflies fluttered around in Harry’s stomach.

“I do, I love you.” He smiled secretly, staring down at his lap.

“I love you, too.” Louis grinned with relief. “All that matters is that…we  _ finally  _ met.”

“Yeah.” Harry beamed. “I’m so happy we finally did this. I really was gonna meet you at Easter, you know.”

“Hm.” Louis smirked, his face the picture of calm and collected, but his fingers were drumming erratically on his thigh. Harry watched. Louis had become a little more animated now the cameras had pulled off a bit, and Harry got the impression he wasn’t the kind of person who tended to be still. “Do you think this is awkward?”

“I mean…” Harry laughed. “Not as awkward as it could’ve been. I’m really very nervous.”

“Nervous?” Louis grinned, pushing a knuckle into the side of Harry’s thigh. “Why, love?”

“It’s you, Lou. You’re sitting here, you’re fucking gorgeous, and you finally know my bloody secret. And I just don’t know how to act or what’s appropriate.”

Louis blushed a little from the compliment, smiling down to himself. 

“I dunno about that.”

“I have a confession.” Harry smiled at him. Louis’ face dropped. “I found your Facebook.”

“You did?” Louis raised his eyebrows in surprise. “When? How?”

“When you came back from New York. Turns out Jake has a friend you go to school with.”

“That’s mad!” Louis shook his head. “So… you’d seen photos of me?”

“A couple.”

Louis considered this for a moment before cracking a tiny smile. “You know, I did actually sometimes picture you as… you.”

“Yeah?”

“God, I can’t believe it didn’t even click.” Louis rolled his eyes. “I had Harry Cox - I had no idea what you looked like - and I had Harry Styles, and I had no idea who he was as a person, so sometimes they came together. I dunno. I mean, it wasn’t often. Mainly when I was a bit younger and mainly when I-”

He glanced over to the camera crew, looking back at Harry and pointedly looking down at his own crotch. He covered the clip on microphone on his t-shirt and whispered  _ wanked _ in Harry’s ear.

Harry let out a surprised laugh, feeling his face flush red and he giggled down at his lap.

“I’d wondered if you’d fancied me. And… that..”

“Did you really, naughty boy.” Louis smirked and Harry felt a surge of arousal.

“So, you’re not disappointed about what I look like?”

“Am I heck!” Louis laughed, eyes roaming over Harry’s face fondly. “No, love, I’m not. Bloody far from it.”

“Okay, good.” Harry laughed.

“Haz, can I ask you something?” Louis said, turning serious. Harry nodded. “Are you seeing anyone?”

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise, spluttering out a laugh.

“Are you joking?”

“No!” Louis said, laughing a little, too.

Harry held up his hand, showing Louis the promise ring.

“I’m all yours, Lou.” Harry shrugged. “I’ve got absolutely no interest in looking at anyone else, we’ve established that by now.”

“Okay.” Louis beamed, taking Harry’s hand and pressing the ring between his thumb and forefinger. “Me neither.”

“Good.” Harry grinned, biting his bottom lip as Louis lifted Harry’s hand to his mouth, pressing a light kiss to the ring. “Do you think we can officially be together again, then?”

“Dunno,” Louis said, pursing his lips and sliding his hand to the small of Harry’s back, openly revelling in the way Harry’s breath caught in his throat. He pulled Harry closer. “I might wanna try before I buy.”

“Oh?” Harry choked out. 

Louis’ hand slid up his back to tease at the hair at the back of Harry’s neck. He pulled his face closer, stopping when they were an inch apart.

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend, you gorgeous bastard.”

Harry would’ve let out a honking great laugh if he wasn’t so close to Louis’ face, so close to getting what he’d wanted for four years. He was staring down at Louis’ mouth and he licked his lips.

When Louis tilted his head and pressed their lips together, Harry expected fireworks. He expected a surge of energy coursing through his body. Frankly, he expected to get hard immediately. None of those things happened. 

Instead, Harry melted. 

He moved closer to Louis, going pliant in his grasp and against his mouth and he felt like he could very easily just be absorbed into Louis in the moment. 

Louis pulled away and Harry needed a moment before he opened his eyes. He was so, so happy, and the sound of Louis breathing heavily against his face was dizzying.

“Your hair is so long, babe.”

“Do you like it?” Harry asked, opening his eyes and scrunching his nose. Not a lot of people liked his shoulder length curls, to be honest, but not a lot of people’s opinions mattered. Louis’ did. 

“It’s gorgeous,” Louis said, tracing his fingers over the curls, and Harry knew he was being genuine.

Not long later, everybody came back and Nev and Max took Louis home. They’d meet up tomorrow for another day of filming but Harry couldn’t help but feel the loss, having finally,  _ finally _ been with Louis and getting him taken away a few short hours later. 

He and Niall threw themselves down on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder, and Harry promptly burst into tears. He turned to face Niall, laughing, not being able to fight the smile breaking across his face. Niall started to laugh too, and Harry put his hands over his own face.

“Well, that went well,” Niall said.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Harry laughed, eyes wide and shaking his head. “I feel so… light, Niall. A weight’s been lifted.”

“I’m chuffed for you, man.”

“I’m in love.” Harry smiled shyly. “Oh my God, he's  _ wonderful.” _

Harry pulled himself together enough to snap his first selfie for Louis, sending it off and barely being able to contain himself when Louis sent one back. He was still in the car, sunlight streaming through the window and making him squint. Harry felt like he’d won the lottery.

After a quick phone call to check the coast was clear, Harry’s mum came home, walking into the living room and raising her eyebrows.

“So?” she urged. “How did it go?!”

Harry tried to play it cool but he hadn’t been able to stop smiling for hours and his cheeks were in agony. 

“Yeah, fine.”

➢

_ “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” _

“Me neither.” Harry sighed, twirling a curl round his finger as he laid in bed. “God, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

_ “I think they wanna bring you out to mine.” _

“Really?”

_ “Yeah! You can meet Liam. And then he can make himself scarce.” _

A shiver shot up Harry’s spine. 

“Can’t wait,” he said. 

They reluctantly hung up, both deciding to try and get some sleep. Harry popped onto Facebook, requesting Louis as a friend and when he accepted, he scrolled through for half an hour, looking at photos and reading things his friends had tagged him in, and when he received the notification that Louis had listed that they were in a relationship, he couldn’t stop smiling.

➢

“How are you feeling today?”

Harry buckled his seatbelt, sitting in the front passenger seat next to Nev, Max sitting in the back with his handheld camera.

“Feeling good,” Harry said, trying to stifle his crazy smile. “A bit tired. Didn’t get much sleep.”

**_Haz:_** _Can’t wait to see youuuuuuuu :D_

He stayed mostly quiet for the whole 45 minute journey. He was nervous again, energy thrumming under his skin, and he couldn’t help but fidget. They pulled up outside Louis’ flat, seeing him approach to greet them.

“Hi!”

“Hello.” Harry grinned, slamming his door behind him and moving quickly towards Louis. He wrapped his arms around him, sighing with relief.

“I missed you.”

“Me too.”

They pulled away, remembering Nev and Max and the camera crew. Louis slipped his hand into Harry’s, leading everyone inside. Harry was mildly taken aback to see a handsome man hovering awkwardly in Louis’ living room.

“Hi, I’m Liam,” the man said, reaching out to shake Harry’s hand.  _ Liam.  _ Why were all of Louis’ friends so good looking? “It’s great to meet you, Harry.”

“Likewise.” Harry smiled, tilting his head. “Thanks doing this, I suppose.”

Louis appeared at Harry’s side, grinning and placing a hand gently on Harry’s back. 

“Liam’s interfering streak came in handy, for once,” Louis teased.

Liam greeted Nev, Max, and the crew. Harry and Louis sat on the sofa, Liam fetching a chair from the kitchen for Nev.

“Really good to have you here, Pinky.” Louis smiled.

Harry laughed fondly, pleased at hearing the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time. It brought him right back to the old days. Sixteen years old, sitting in his old bedroom - the very same room he’d woken up in that morning - talking to an eighteen year old Louis on the phone, trying to resist touching himself. Now here he was, hand in hand with a twenty-two year old Louis who was leading him into his flat. His heart was beating just as hard as when he was sixteen.

There was no further resolution to be made. Harry and Louis were on the best terms they could be, and now that Liam had been brought into the picture everything had clicked into place nicely.

“So, where do you think you guys will take it from here?”

Louis glanced at Harry, sitting so close that Harry could smell toothpaste on Louis’ breath.

“I think we’re just gonna see how it goes,” Louis said cryptically. “Try and focus on school, then maybe spend Easter together?”

He glanced at Harry again, who just smiled dumbly and nodded in agreement.

Without much more to say, the crew suggested a day out to get some more footage to bulk the episode out with. Leaving Liam behind, the rest of them went bowling and Harry and Nev played against Louis and Max. Harry and Louis found themselves flirting, showing off and mixing mutual support with over-the-top competitiveness. 

“Go on, babe!” Louis called as Harry approached the lane to bowl. 

“Stop trying to distract me,” Harry said, turning his head and grinning.

He bowled a perfect strike, turning to slowly walk back to Louis and smirking smugly. Louis looked furious.

“You wanker,” he muttered.

“Oh, don’t be jealous, Lou.” Harry grinned as Louis stood to his feet. “Just face it, your boyfriend is an athlete.”

Louis barked out a sarcastic laugh and Harry’s jaw dropped open, amused and mock-offended.

“Excuse me,” he protested. “I’m in shape.”

“I can see that, love,” Louis said airily. “Hm, all that swimming.”

Louis moved past Harry, reaching his fingertips out to graze Harry’s torso, lightly touching his abs through his t-shirt. Harry’s breath gurgled in his throat.

Harry folded his arms as Louis picked up a ball, testing its weight. Harry smiled, admiring the view as Louis bent low, rolling the ball down the lane and hitting all but three pins.

“Damn.”

“Aw, too bad.” Harry laughed. 

Louis glared at Harry confrontationally as he sat down next to him, thighs and hips and arms pressed against each other. He dug his fingertips into Harry’s ribs, causing him to squeal and fold his long limbs up defensively, giggling like a teenager.

Louis and Max won, and Harry wasn’t hearing the end of it. Nev and Max left them alone again, and they ate fish and chips at a picnic bench in Louis’ local park.

“Nah, look.” Harry smiled. “I would’ve won, but Nev was holding me back. My score beat your score.”

“That’s because you cheated!” Louis said and Harry looked at him, indignant. “You charmed the bowling balls. And the pins. That’s not fair, Harry.”

“Oh, shut up,” Harry grinned fondly. “Don’t be a sore winner.”

“I always win at everything.” Louis shrugged. “That’s the first thing you should know about me.”

Harry laughed, shaking his head, and they ate in silence for a minute or two.

“So, um-” Harry cleared his throat. “Is there anything else I should know about you?”

“Erm…” Louis pondered. “Don’t think so. I never lied to you, Haz.”

“Neither did I,” Harry smiled softly. “Was weird not talking to you about things like growing my hair, though.”

“How long have you been growing it?”

“I’ve not really had more than a trim since we’ve been talking.”

“No way!” Louis reached a hand out, running his fingers through the ends of Harry’s hair. “I love it. I think it’s really sexy.”

Harry felt himself violently blush.

“Um-” he breathed. “There’s something else. I’m glad Louis is your real name. Got a surprise for you.”

Louis narrowed his eyes at him, fondly suspicious. Harry lifted his left arm up, pulling his sleeve back slightly; he twisted his upper arm, showing Louis the small black  _ L _ he had inked on his skin where his bicep tapered into his armpit.

“Oh, my God,” Louis whispered. “Oh, Haz.”

“Got it done a bit tucked away so it’s just for me.”

“When did you do this?” Louis ran his thumb over the tattoo and goosebumps broke out all over Harry’s arm. Louis smiled to himself.

“After I split with Drew, I knew that you’d be special to me for the rest of my life, no matter what ended up happening.” Harry sighed with a smile. “And so, when I found you on Facebook… something shifted and I just went out and got it done.”

He looked up to see Louis staring at him with an unreadable expression. Louis slid in closer to him on the bench, pulling him into a hug.

“I love you, Harry.”

“Love you, too.”

Louis pulled away to smile at him. “It means so much to me that you’ve been wearing the ring, too.”

Harry could watch Louis speak forever. He was so animated. The curve of his lips, the movement of his eyebrows, the way you could  _ see _ his Doncaster accent as well as hear it. Harry grabbed onto Louis’ arms, still barely comprehending that Louis was sitting here in front of him, a tangible, physical being. The feelings Harry had been having for the past four years which, as intense as they’d been, came nowhere close to the scary and dizzying feelings he was feeling in this moment.

“I hate taking it off,” Harry admitted.

“Hazza…” Louis started, chewing his lip. “I don’t want you to think I’m coming on too strong, or moving too fast, but I really don’t want you to leave. Will you stay at mine tonight? I can sleep on the sofa and we don’t have to-”

“Lou!” Harry giggled. “Moving too fast? It’s been four years!”

“I know!” Louis laughed. “But it’s also only been two days. It’s a bit difficult to gauge what’s appropriate, you know?”

“Yeah.” Harry smiled, shrugging. “But I’d love to stay.”

“Great,” Louis beamed. “Now. We just need to get rid of the hanger-ons.” He cocked a thumb towards the camera crew and Harry laughed loudly, hopelessly endeared.

➢

After filming a couple of separate shots of Harry and Louis talking about each other and the future, Nev, Max, and the crew were preparing to leave, saying their goodbyes.

“Um, we were wondering...” Harry cleared his throat, “if it’s okay if I stay here for a bit?”

“I’ll drive him home later,” Louis quickly added

“Um- yeah, that’s not a problem,” Nev said, grinning.

They parted ways with goodbyes and best wishes, Louis and Harry both thanking them profusely. They stood out in the street to wave them off, and then… they were finally alone.

“Right,” Louis said, turning to Harry. “Now’s your chance to tell me what you really think.”

“Oh, well,” Harry scoffed as they walked back inside, making their way up the stairs. “You’re an awfully cold person. You’re just,  _ so  _ unpleasant,” Harry said, barely containing his grin and ticking each point off on his fingers. “And you’re definitely,  _ definitely _ not good looking enough for me.”

Louis let out a squawk of indignation, placing a palm on his chest in outrage.

“How dare you. Maybe you should start walking home,” he said as he opened the door to his flat. “I don’t need reminding that I’m punching above my weight.”

Harry’s smile fell. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Louis shrugged noncommittally, dismissively.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” He sighed, changing the subject, throwing his keys on a table. “In my flat. Alone with me.”

Harry gave him a shy smile. A whole different kind of nerves washed over him now. He and Louis had been vowing to do all sorts of things to each other for years, and Harry felt the pressure weigh down on him as Louis smiled, taking his hand and leading him down the corridor. 

He felt relieved when Louis led him into the living room.

“Sit down, love. Cup of tea?”

“Yes, please.”

“You getting hungry? We could order some food later. Or pop to Tesco to pick up some bits? I should’ve thought ahead.”

“I don’t mind, Lou,” Harry said, sitting down on the sofa. “Whatever you decide is fine.”

As Louis made the tea, Harry glanced around the small living room. It was kind of cluttered, a hoodie thrown on the back of the sofa and shoes littered haphazardly along one wall. Next to the TV, seven or eight DVD boxes were stacked. It was untidy but clean, and Harry loved it. It was cosy and it was Louis.

Louis came in, throwing himself down next to Harry and moving close, laying his arm across the back of the sofa behind Harry’s head.

“Tea’s just brewing.”

“Awesome.”

Louis just smiled, watching Harry for a minute, Harry becoming coy under the attention.

“You seem a bit nervous, love,” Louis said softly.

“I am, a bit.” Harry grinned, shrugging. “It’s like you said yesterday. Not sure how to act.”

Louis pushed his fingers into Harry’s curls, massaging his scalp gently. “That’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

Louis was keeping intense eye contact and Harry was speechless. Louis’ eyes flickered down to Harry’s lips.

“Your eyes are green,” Louis whispered. “They’re lovely.”

Harry just kind of gawked, trying and failing to reply. The corner of Louis’ mouth twitched upwards before taking Harry’s chin between his forefinger and thumb. Louis hummed contentedly, closing the small gap between them and pressing his lips against Harry’s.

The fireworks that Harry had been expecting yesterday finally came. He breathed out a surprised moan against Louis’ mouth, pushing into the contact and almost feeling a bit embarrassed at how quickly he was becoming hard. He was completely and utterly overwhelmed and as Louis placed a hand on Harry’s knee, he broke the kiss and moved back to catch his breath.

Louis beamed, sighing happily.

“Your mouth…” Louis grinned. “Hm.”

“What?” Harry asked, smiling shyly and hiding his face in Louis’ shoulder.

“It’s gorgeous,” Louis said quietly, running his thumb over Harry’s bottom lip. Harry pursed his lips around it, kissing and sucking very slightly on Louis’ thumb. “Looking forward to seeing what it can do.”

“Lou…” Harry said, chastising him gently with a smile. He sat up straight and looked him in the eyes. “Hey, can we take this slow? I know you’ve waited a long time, but this is really nerve-wracking.”

“Course, babe,” Louis soothed. “I told you when I asked you to stay, we don’t have to do anything. I just want to be with you. It’s not all about sex.”

Harry smiled, sighing with relief.

“Okay. Thanks. This is why I love you, see?”

Louis giggled softly, kissing the top of Harry’s curls.

➢

After a chinese takeaway and half a DVD, Harry and Louis were tangled together on Louis’ sofa, slowly and lazily kissing, accustoming themselves to each others’ mouths, hands getting to know each others’ bodies. Harry couldn’t get enough of Louis’ mouth, hot and clever with a quick, wicked tongue. His insides were stirring and although his heart told him to take it slow, his arousal disagreed.

“Can we go to your room?” he asked quietly. 

Louis blinked at him and swallowed. “Yeah.”

Louis took Harry’s hand, both of them standing to their feet, and Louis led him to the bedroom. It was more or less what Harry expected. Messy and chaotic, just like the living room, but clean and probably organised in Louis’ eyes, smelling fresh and sweet but with an undertone of cigarette smoke. 

Louis pushed him to the bed, sitting him down. He stood between Harry’s legs, taking his face in his hands.

“If you’re uncomfortable at any point, just say the word.” Louis closed his eyes for a second. “Got anything in mind?”

Harry shook his head weakly, staring up at Louis with wide eyes. He had no idea what he wanted, but he knew he wanted more.

“Still can’t believe my dream boy was…  _ my dream boy.” _ Louis smiled softly.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, the love of my life turned out to be that hot kid I found on Facebook, who became the sexy guy who was probably straight and anyway, it didn't matter because I was in a committed relationship.”

“I’m not sure whether or not to be offended that you were wanking over some random curly-haired boy from Facebook while you were with me.”

“No.” Louis grinned, “I never wanked over him - you - except when I was picturing you as… you.” 

“What?” Harry laughed, frowning in confusion.

“I tell you what, those were  _ good _ wanks.”

“Hm, okay, I forgive you.” Harry grinned, shrugging. “By the way. You were right. You do have an incredible bum.”

Louis seemed pleased, and reached down to take Harry’s hands, moving them round to clutch his bum. Harry was pretty much eye level with Louis’ half hard crotch and he suddenly had the urge to take Louis. Take him and undress him, get his hands around him, break him apart in any way possible, and then put him back together with all the love he was feeling in this moment. Louis slipped his fingers into Harry’s hair, tugging gently, and Harry’s eyes fluttered closed. Louis bent down and kissed Harry, licking into his mouth and quickly growing frantic. 

Harry leaned back and Louis followed, climbing onto his lap, knees on either side of his hips. Harry tipped his head back as it hit the bed, panting as Louis’ mouth moved to his neck, grazing his teeth over Harry’s skin, nipping and licking. Louis’ hands slipped under Harry’s t-shirt and Harry’s skin burned under the gentle touch of Louis’ fingers. He rucked Harry’s t-shirt up, quickly moving down to kiss over his pectoral muscles, taking a nipple in his mouth and Harry cried out.

“Oh,  _ fuck,” _ Harry whined. “Feels amazing, Louis.”

Louis pointed his tongue and flicked over Harry’s nipple, glancing up at him with dark eyes. With a last suck, he pulled off and met Harry’s eyes as he moved his hands to the fly of his jeans.

“Is this okay?” he asked quietly. Harry hesitated and Louis immediately moved his hands away and moved up to kiss Harry. “Your body is incredible,” he whispered against Harry’s mouth.

Harry groaned, bucking his hips upwards to bump their cocks together. Louis kissed him again, hitting him with such enthusiasm and heat that when he pulled away to catch his breath, Harry was trembling.

“You alright?”

Harry nodded. He took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“Take my jeans off, Lou. I want you to.”

“Are you sure?” Louis said, kissing him again. “Don’t feel like you have to say that.”

_ “Please,” _ Harry begged.

“Shit,” Louis said, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping Harry’s jeans, tugging them down.

“At least you know what to expect. No nasty surprises,” Harry grinned up at Louis.

“Yeah, well… fuck,” he sighed as he exposed Harry’s erection, landing stiffly against his lower stomach. “Some things you can’t appreciate until you see them in the flesh.”

Harry felt himself blush slightly. He felt exposed, almost feeling shy under Louis’ gaze. He loved it. 

“Haz, would it be okay if I sucked you?”

Harry let out an embarrassing whimper.

“Yeah,” he said dumbly. “Please, Lou.”

Harry was practically vibrating with anticipation as Louis seemed to gather himself, running a hand down Harry’s chest and stomach, taking hold of his cock.

Harry arched his back in response to the contact and let out a loud moan. It was embarrassing, how affected he felt from a mere touch. He had to concentrate on not spontaneously coming on the spot. 

“Look at you, you’re so gorgeous,” Louis breathed. “Can’t wait to get you in my mouth.”

Harry gritted his teeth, tensing to fight off his orgasm. Louis knew him better than anyone else in most ways and they were in love, but Harry wasn’t prepared to embarrass himself. As Louis moved down his body, kissing and nipping at his hot skin along the way, Harry took deep breaths to ground himself, bracing for what was to come.

Louis licked a bead of precome from the head of Harry’s cock and in lieu of coming, Harry started to sob. He pushed his fingers into Louis’ hair, gripping hard to steady himself and moans spilled from his throat as Louis suckled at his head before taking him all the way into his mouth. 

Everything went fuzzy. The gravity of the situation hit Harry and he clenched his eyes shut, feeling Louis pin his hips to the bed to still him as Louis’ tongue ran up the underside of his cock.

“I’m not gonna last, Lou,” he choked out, strained. “Don’t wanna come yet.”

Louis glanced up at him, pulling off of Harry with a wet popping sound, replacing his mouth with a loose grip of his hand.

“It’s absolutely fine, love. Plenty of time for more blow jobs another time, yeah?” Louis panted. “Want you to come, okay?”

Harry started to tremble and Louis quickly took him back in his mouth. Nothing could’ve stopped Harry now that he had permission. He came, spilling hotly into Louis’ mouth, his hips desperately writhing under Louis’ grip. He was soaring, the euphoria taking him out of his head for a full minute. and when he came to, Louis laid his head down on Harry’s hip, panting and sweating.

Harry ran a thumb lightly over Louis’ cheekbone, and Louis looked up at him.

“Thank you.” Harry sighed.

Louis beamed at him, wriggling himself laboriously up the bed to snuggle in close to Harry, pecking him on the jaw and Harry tilted his head down to kiss his lips.

“Thank  _ you,” _ Louis whispered. “You’re amazing.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Harry said. “I laid there, useless, and came in, like, two minutes.”

Louis pulled him himself further up to meet Harry’s eyes.

“I fucking love you, you know that?” Louis giggled softly. “Does it make you feel better to know I came, too?”

Louis was still fully clothed, and Harry felt selfish.

“Did you really?” Harry asked, incredulous.  He made Louis come and he hadn’t even realised. That was dizzying.

“Yep. In fact, I need to clean myself up because I’m starting to get uncomfortable.”

Harry pouted as Louis slid off the bed, tiptoeing stiffly to his chest of drawers and pulling out some tracksuit bottoms. Harry remained sprawled out, calming his breathing and smiling to himself as Louis went to the bathroom, returning a couple of minutes later and smiling contently to Harry.

Harry watched his beautiful boy approach, the slight bulge of his soft cock visible through his trackie bottoms. Harry blushed as Louis caught him staring, smirking as he threw himself down on the bed next to Harry.

“Why do you even have clothes on?” Harry grinned. 

“Hey, if you wanna see the goods, you have to unwrap them yourself.”

“Cheesy line.” Harry rolled his eyes. 

Louis laughed, draping an arm across Harry’s torso and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Lou?”

“Mm?”

“This is all I ever wanted, you know.”

They kissed, the butterflies in Harry’s tummy squirming wildly. Louis was wiggling in closer and, before Harry knew it, he’d slipped his leg between Harry’s, half laying on top of him.

“I can’t wait to fuck you,” Louis whispered. “But just know I’m happy to wait for as long as you need.”

“God, Lou,” Harry sighed, feeling blood rushing to his cock again. “Can I touch you?”

Louis rolled back off of Harry, laying on his side and smiling at him. He grabbed Harry’s right hand, slowly bringing it towards him and pressing Harry’s palm against his clothed cock. Louis pushed forwards into the contact and Harry’s breath caught in his throat.

“I’ve done hardly anything, you know,” Harry murmured anxiously, chewing on the inside of his cheek anxiously as he palmed at Louis. “Me and Drew, we just-”

“Doesn’t matter, baby,” Louis said softly. “Nothing matters now, okay?”

“I wish I’d waited for you.”

“Harry, no.” Louis sighed. Stroking Harry’s cheek. “It was for the best. Forget all about it, babe, it’s in the past.”

“Okay.”

“We don’t  _ have _ to spend the whole time in bed.” Louis smiled. “We can go back out and watch another film if you want. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself, love.”

“But Lou, you waited for years, I-”

“Alright, that’s it.” Louis smirked, moving out of Harry’s touch and rolling off the bed, standing to his feet. “I’m cutting you off. Put some clothes on, we’re watching another film.”

Harry pouted petulantly.

“But Louis!” He whined. “I’m hard!”

“Don’t care,” Louis said, folding his arms, trying - and failing - to avoid looking at Harry’s half-hard cock. “Want some trackies, instead of squeezing into your jeans?”

So Harry pulled on some of Louis’ tracksuit bottoms and they headed back out to the living room. Once they collapsed on the sofa, they couldn’t be bothered to get back up so they flicked through the channels, finding some erotic thriller on Film4.

“Why are you making me watch this?” Harry asked. He was laying with his back against Louis’ chest, his lower half tucked between Louis’ legs. He tilted his head back to look up. “Not only is this film shit, but it’s turning me on.”

“Seriously?”

Harry turned his upper body to look at Louis.

“Four years, Louis,” he deadpanned. “Even a bloody hot dog turns me on.”

Louis’ giggle started off small, bubbling up until he erupted with laughter, Harry glaring at him before breaking down and joining in the hysterics.

“It’s not funny!” Harry laughed, wiping tears from his eyes. “It made barbeques very awkward.”

“Oh, my God,” Louis choked out through his laughter. “Stop.”

Harry’s laughter was replaced with a huge smile, his face flushing a bit red. He was pleased by the fact he’d made Louis laugh; the light, airy sound making him want to kiss Louis and never, ever stop. He grabbed Louis’ hand and entwined their fingers.

“It was hard. I was deprived for so long.”

“Excuse me, so was I,” Louis replied. “In fact, I’ve been more celibate than you these past 4 years.”

“That’s true,” Harry conceded.

“All the hot dogs you can eat now, babe.” Louis winked down at him. “I’ll never let you go hungry.”

Harry rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, grinning.

“Don’t forget we  _ are _ gonna be in a long-distance relationship.”

“Only for a few months.”

Harry considered this, excitement bubbling in his stomach. He turned his head to nuzzle his nose into Louis’ chest, a wave of emotion washing over him as he inhaled the familiar smell of Louis’ fabric softener. He glanced over at the TV just as it cut to a sex scene, some woman with 80’s style hair whining with her boobs bobbing up and down.

“Seriously, why are we watching this?”

Harry put pressure on Louis to change the channel and so he’d flicked through incessantly for an hour before they’d decided to call it a night. Harry still felt guilty; they didn’t have a lot of time together and he’d have to go back to London tomorrow evening. His anxiety about the enormity of the situation was keeping them from doing what they’d both been waiting four years to do. Louis was being great about it and seemed content to go without, but Harry was frustrated.

Louis walked them into the bedroom before fidgeting near the doorway.

“So, um… Let me just grab a blanket and I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“Louis!” Harry said, eyes wide and surprised. “Don’t you dare.”

Louis smiled softly, approaching the bed where Harry had settled. “I thought I’d give you some space.”

“We’ve got one night together, I’m not letting you sleep in another room.”

“Okay, love.” Louis nodded. “You’re going back tomorrow?”

“I have to,” Harry sighed sadly. “I can’t take more than one day off. But I can get the last train, it’s at like 9pm from Holmes Chapel. I mean, if that’s okay, if that’s what you want.” 

“Course it is. I’d never let you leave if I could.”

Harry climbed off the bed. He stood in front of Louis, taking him in. His hair had gone a bit haywire over the course of the evening, flopping over his face and sticking up in different directions. He wore a small smile, watching Harry watching him, his breath catching slightly when Harry stepped closer and slipped his hands under Louis’ t-shirt, grazing his hands over his hips.

“Gotta take this off, anyway. It’s only fair.”

Harry ran his hands up Louis’ sides, and Louis wordlessly lifted his arms so Harry could remove his t-shirt, discarding it somewhere and gazing down at Louis’ bare chest as Louis pulled Harry’s own t-shirt over his head. 

“Not exactly a swimmer’s body,” Louis said, glancing down at his own body and laughing self consciously. 

“You’re perfect, love,” Harry sighed, kissing Louis’ shoulder before moving to nip gently at his collarbone. Louis let out a quiet moan, his hands grabbing at Harry’s shoulder blades. “All mine.”

“S’right,” Louis sighed. “I’m all yours.”

➢

It was warm when Harry woke up. As he stirred into consciousness, the sunlight blinded him and he squinted, bringing a hand up to shield his face. He then realised someone was pressed against his back. That someone was Louis.

“Morning, babe,” Louis’ quiet voice rasped in his ear. “Good sleep?”

“Um-” Harry croaked, clearing his throat and turning to face Louis. “Slept like a baby. Think we both needed that.”

“Hm,” Louis hummed in agreement. He slipped a hand around the back of Harry’s neck, pulling him in and kissing his forehead.

The simple, sweet gesture overcame Harry and he suddenly became shy, turning his face into the pillow and looking at Louis with one eye peeking out. 

“It’s incredible to wake up next to you,” Louis whispered.

“You too, my love.”

It was Louis’ turn to become shy. He smiled quickly before flipping over and climbing out of bed.

“Where are you going?!” Harry whined.

“Stay here, I’m just gonna pop to Tesco. Get us some breakfast.”

“You’re leaving me?” Harry pouted exaggeratedly. 

“I’ll literally be less than ten minutes, prat.” Louis grinned, pulling on a t-shirt. He gave Harry a wink as he disappeared into the bathroom, coming back and throwing himself down heavily on the bed. He bounced slightly, laughing and breathing toothpasty breath in Harry’s face.

“Will you get me a toothbrush?” Harry asked, holding his hand in front of his mouth.

Louis yanked his hand away, moving to kiss him on the lips and Harry jerked his head out of the way. Louis wrestled with him for a few seconds, pushing his fingers between Harry’s, pinning his hands to the bed and straddling him.

“Lou!” Harry laughed, moving his head from side to side to stop Louis from kissing him. “I haven’t brushed my teeth since yesterday morning.”

Louis let go of Harry’s hands, grabbing his face and holding it still. He pressed his lips against Harry’s, and Harry’s initial self-consciousness and disgust quickly dissipated as he sunk into the kiss, letting Louis lick into his mouth and bite down on his bottom lip.

“You’re so gross,” Harry mumbled against his mouth.

Louis traced his hands down to Harry’s nipples and Harry practically growled, arousal hitting him hard.

“I won’t be long,” Louis whispered, smirking as he climbed off a grumpy, horny Harry. 

➢

Harry showered while Louis was gone, using his shampoo and taking delight in flicking his own hair in front of his face, the smell vividly  _ Louis. _ He made a pot of tea and when Louis returned, he seemed pleased.

“Ooh, you can stay,” he said as Harry poured him out a cup. “‘Cos, you know, I hadn’t decided yet.”

“Oh, really?” Harry laughed, handing Louis a cup before clutching at his own. “So, when’s Liam due back?”

The ghost of a curious smirk twitched on Louis’ face.

“Whenever I tell him it’s safe to return,” Louis said airily.

Harry nodded in understanding, staring down into his tea. Louis closed the space between them, taking Harry’s tea and placing both cups on the worktop. He leaned in, and Harry moved back.

“Did you remember my toothbrush?”

“For God’s sake!” Louis laughed, exasperated, walking back to the table and pulling a toothbrush from the carrier bag, chucking it at Harry who just about managed to catch it.

Harry practically ran upstairs, yanking the toothbrush from the packet. He quickly and thoroughly brushed, feeling much better and definitely ready to kiss Louis, which came in handy when he turned around to see Louis propped up against the doorframe.

“Can’t believe you’re so uptight about morning breath.”

“We only met two days ago.” Harry smiled. “Forgive me for wanting to keep the magic for at least a few days.”

“Mm, well, any more excuses?”

“Nope.” Harry grinned, heart beating wildly as Louis leaned up to kiss him. They’d kissed a lot the past 24 hours but sparks hit him afresh, making him weak at the knees and wondering in amazement how he was so lucky to have everything fall into place so nicely. “Hey, will the breakfast you bought keep?”

“Yes…” Louis grinned.

“Let’s go back to bed for a bit.” Harry smiled shyly, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Louis licked his lips, eyebrow twitching slightly. “Okay.”

Louis entwined their fingers together, pulling Harry into the bedroom, slowly as not to rush him but Harry could tell he was eager. As they approached the bed, Harry pulled back on Louis’ arm, bringing him crashing back into Harry’s body.

“Harry, when you said slow,” Louis turned to face him, “I’m not sure you know what slow means.”

“Just didn’t want to feel under pressure. I didn’t want to jump into bed before Nev and Max’s car had turned the corner.”

Louis rolled his eyes and Harry kissed him, taking the lead for the first time, feeling Louis go pliant in his arms as he licked Louis’ lips and Louis parted them to let him in. Harry slipped his hands down to Louis’ bum, squeezing.

“Lou.”

“Hm?”

“Want you to fuck me.”

“Yeah?” Louis breathed. “Now?”

“Now.”

They collapsed to the bed and clothes flew off at lightning speed. Harry finally had Louis naked, propping himself up on his side to let his eyes drink Louis in. Louis was on his back, elbows propping his upper half up slightly. His skin seemed slightly tanned, and the muscles on his torso looked tense. Harry wanted to touch and bite. He took a deep breath as Louis grew harder under his gaze, his hand moving to grasp his own cock and loosely stroke it enticingly, watching Harry closely.

Harry was already at full hardness and the sight made him twitch. He lightly grabbed Louis’ wrist, feeling the movement as Louis continued stroking himself.

“I love you,” Harry murmured, staring at Louis’ hand as if in a trance.

Louis looked up at him in what Harry suspected was adoration, which made his insides go fuzzy. 

“Gonna take such good care of you,” Louis said. “Gonna make you feel so good, Haz.”

Louis turned onto his side, pressing their bodies close, crashing their mouths together once again. Harry pulled Louis’ hips flush against his own, groaning against Louis’ mouth as their cocks bumped. Louis pushed Harry down onto his back and suddenly Harry was at the mercy of Louis’ mouth which moved straight to his left nipple.

“Oh,  _ shit,  _ Lou,” he cried out, grabbing Louis’ head as his teeth grazed the sensitive nub, “harder.”

Louis looked up to meet Harry’s eyes, biting down slightly on his nipple. Harry’s body curled up as he whined, arousal spiking through him like a dagger. He was disappointed as Louis carried on making his way down, but only momentarily as Louis wrapped a hand around his stiff cock.

“I’m gonna finger you open,” Louis mused, seeming a bit nervous as he slowly stroked his hand over Harry. “Gonna do a really good job, babe. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

Harry just nodded, tight-lipped. Nerves were starting to take over but he absolutely would not back out now. He had no reason to. He would always be nervous and it was time to take the bull by the horns.

Louis rolled over to reach into his bedside table drawer, Harry openly admiring his arse: peachy, round, and delicious. If Harry wasn’t already in love with everything about Louis, he’d at least fall in love with his arse. 

Louis returned with lube and a condom, and Harry’s eyes widened. He took a deep, calming breath as Louis lubed up his fingers, sitting back on his heels between Harry’s open, trembling legs.

“Gonna open you up, babe, nice and slowly.”

And then Louis’ finger was tracing at his hole, pushing slightly. Harry closed his eyes, feeling Louis move up his body and mouth at his neck as he pushed his fingertip inside.

“Fuck, Harry, you feel amazing,” Louis whispered in his ear. “Can’t believe I’m finally gonna get inside you.”

Harry stayed silent, rocking his hips slightly in time with Louis’ finger.

“Feel good, love?” Louis asked him.

“Mm, yeah,” Harry mumbled, and Louis paused. He stilled his finger, waiting for Harry to open his eyes. When he did, Louis raised his eyebrows.

”You okay?”

“I’m good.”

“Harry,” Louis said softly. “What’s wrong?”

Harry had the wild urge to cry, here and now, Louis looking down on him in utter worry with his finger up Harry’s arse. 

“I’m okay. It’s just a bit uncomfortable.” He smiled weakly. “I, um- I’ve never bottomed before, so I…”

“Oh!” Louis raised his eyebrows, before smiling softly. “It’s okay, baby. Are you nervous?”

“Yeah,” Harry choked out, nodding and ignoring the tears shimmering in his eyes. “And I think I’m a bit overwhelmed.”

“Babe, close your eyes,” Louis whispered; Harry obeyed. “Remember that New Year when you first fingered yourself?”

“Mm.”

“It was uncomfortable at first, and it got better.” Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “Keep your eyes closed, and pretend I’m on the phone.”

“What?” Harry giggled softly.

“It’s just a normal day, Hazza,” Louis said lightly. “Just another phone sex session. Just use your imagination and pretend that I’m touching you.”

“Okay,” Harry said, catching on but sceptical.

“Gonna finger you open, babe,” Louis said quietly. “Can you feel my finger?”

Louis stroked his finger inside of Harry, and Harry gasped.

“Yeah, Lou. Feels good,” Harry exhaled heavily. “I’m so hard, Lou.”

“You look fucking gorgeous.”

“You touching yourself?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” Louis moaned, and Harry believed him, eyes still shut. “Gonna come on your body, one day.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Not today. Coming inside you today.”

Harry remembered coming in Louis’ mouth last night. He moaned, writhing on Louis’ finger. It was now that he realised it had started to become pleasurable rather than uncomfortable and he moaned a little louder, pushing down on Louis’ fingers, exaggerating for Louis’ benefit.

“Wanna fuck myself on your fingers,” Harry said. “God, Louis.”

“Nice?” Louis asked, fucking his finger into Harry a bit faster. “Feels good?”

“So good. Want you to fuck me.”

“I will, babe, you need a couple more fingers first. Ready for a second?”

“Yes,” Harry said, growling slightly. 

Harry took a deep breath as Louis pulled out, wincing as he pushed another finger in alongside the first. It was uncomfortable again, but it felt good, and the stretching gave Harry a hint of what was to come and he was finally ready for the reality of what was happening. Louis was about to fuck him for the first time, first of many times, hopefully. 

He opened his eyes, and  _ holy shit, _ Louis looked absolutely wrecked. His eyes were closed, his mouth slack, in fact he looked like  _ he _ was the one with fingers up his arse. He opened his eyes, taken aback to see Harry staring up at him.

“Oh, hi,” Louis smiled softly, crooking his fingers and taking delight in watching Harry gasp. “You alright?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.”

“Doing so well, Hazza,” Louis breathed, pushing his fingers in impossibly further. “So proud of you. Can’t wait to build a life with you, baby.”

For some reason, this pushed Harry further into arousal, and when Louis crooked his fingers again Harry screamed, pushing down on Louis’ fingers. 

_ “Fuck, _ Lou, there, oh my God. Again, again, fuck,” he cried. “Fuck me, God, please.”

“One more, love,” Louis said hurriedly, almost sobbing as he pulled his fingers out, Harry whining at the loss, adding a bit more lube and pushing three fingers in at once. His slow, languid movements were gone and he finished opening Harry up quickly and efficiently. Harry was desperate now too, wriggling as best he could, fucking Louis’ fingers. Louis stroked over his prostate a few more times, openly revelling in Harry squirming, before pulling out and pressing one last kiss at the corner of Harry’s open mouth. He sat back on his heels and grabbed the condom.

“Gonna go slow,” he choked out, ripping the packet open and quickly rolling the condom down his length. “It’s gonna be okay, love, just tell me if you need me to stop.”

Harry just stared in amazement as Louis smeared lube down his hard cock, throwing his head back and moaning at the contact. He took a breath, looking down at Harry who was laying flat, legs wide open and bent, hips writhing and squirming.

“Lou,” he said quietly. Louis leaned down, kissing him sweetly before lining himself up with Harry’s gaping hole. He pushed in slightly, making Harry gasp.

“Okay?”

“Give me a sec. God, you’re so big, Lou.”

Harry watched as Louis looked down at Harry’s cock; it was painfully hard, straining and curving up onto his stomach. Precome was leaking onto the small trail of hair leading up to his bellybutton, cock twitching as Louis pushed in a tiny bit more.

“You feel…” Louis said, sighing, leaning down to whisper in Harry’s ear. “So incredible. So hard to control myself.”

“I’m okay, go on, love.” Harry nodded resolutely. “Please.”

Louis slowly pushed further, watching Harry closely. Harry hid his discomfort, wanting more than anything to have Louis fill him up. Louis finally pushed all the way in and stilled.

“Oh my God,” Louis breathed, closing his eyes. Harry gazed up at him, his beautiful boy, fully inside of him and bracing himself the best he could so he wouldn’t come immediately. Tears pricked his eyes.

“I love you,” he told Louis, who opened his eyes and smiled down on him, tense but soft. “Okay,” Harry prompted, bucking his hips.

Louis took a deep breath before moving his hips slowly. Harry was in ecstasy, trembling and barely able to contain himself as Louis found his rhythm, thrusting shallowly into Harry.

“Is this okay?” he asked, breathlessly.

Harry raised his eyebrows.

“I’m fine. I’ll tell you if I’m not. Okay?” Harry reassured, slightly impatient. “Just fuck me. I can take it.”

“Sorry, babe,” Louis said, grinning. He hooked his arms under Harry’s legs, pressing them against his chest and leaning his body down, kissing Harry on the mouth. “Okay.”

The change of angle felt incredible, and the stretch in his thighs and bum was gratifying to Harry. And then, Louis was moving.  _ Fuck,  _ Louis was moving, slow for a few seconds before speeding up and pounding into him, hard and fast. His head was banging against the headboard and it was so fucking thrilling. 

“Harry, fuck,  _ Harry.” _

“Lou,” Harry squeaked out, whining with each thrust. Louis was getting so deep with every buck of his hips and Harry wasn’t sure if the tears falling from his eyes were caused by the painful stretch or from the overwhelming delight and love he was feeling. Probably both. 

Harry was getting close and in lieu of finding his words, he moaned loudly and did his best to meet Louis’ thrusts. The air smelt like sex and it was filled with the beautiful, wonderful sounds of skin against skin and the delicious noises spilling from their mouths. Louis pushed back on Harry’s knees once again and his next thrust hit Harry’s prostate hard, and a couple of thrusts later, Harry came with a shout, shooting thick ropes of come up his stomach, hitting his chest and even his chin as his hips bucked erratically. 

“Oh, my God,” Louis panted. “You look fucking incredible.”

“You close, Lou?”

“Fucking am,” Louis moaned before slamming into Harry relentlessly. Harry was feeling a different kind of pain now; the stretching burn had dissipated, but now his walls and his cock were super sensitive and he gritted his teeth as Louis pounded into him, his stomach rubbing roughly along his cock. Harry was spent, laying pliant as Louis chased his own orgasm, and Harry reckoned he’d do absolutely anything that Louis asked him to.

Harry was expecting Louis to be loud, as he’d heard many times before, but he stuttered a quiet moan into Harry’s ear, sighing with relief and mumbling his name over and over as he pulsed inside of Harry, filling up the condom and moving his hips less and less until he came to a stop, dropping his forehead to Harry’s chest, covering it in a sheen of sweat.

“Oh… my God,” he sighed, trying to catch his breath. “Haz, I think that was the best moment of my life.”

“Alright, calm down.” Harry grinned, quickly wiping his eyes. 

“Are you crying?” Louis asked softly.

“No. Maybe.” Harry shrugged. “Just, overwhelming. Finally being with you, especially like that.”

Louis hummed contently, sighing before grabbing the base of the condom and sliding out of a clenching, wincing Harry. He tied it off, stretching his muscles and turning to beam down at a spent Harry who was looking up at him dazedly. 

“Come and have a shower with me?” he whispered.

Harry grinned inanely. “Okay, but no funny business.”

Louis scoffed indignantly.

They showered together slowly, washing each other and kissing, slowly exploring each other’s mouths, bodies, and souls. They ate breakfast together in silence. Harry kept grinning, trying to hide his overwhelming happiness. He glanced up at Louis and his heart skipped a beat when he caught Louis smiling, too.

They brought the duvet into the living room and curled up under it on the sofa, watching crap daytime TV.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“So, um, I was thinking.” Louis cleared his throat. “After I graduate it’d make sense for me to move down to London. I think I might try and get into radio, or maybe TV? London’s a great place for that, just as good as Manchester, and we could be together for your last year of Uni, then take it from there once you graduate.”

Harry stayed silent. How long had Louis been thinking this through? The thought that Louis had been thinking about and planning their future was dizzying.

“I mean, we can talk about it, obviously,” Louis quickly added. “Was just some thoughts I’d had.” 

“Let’s see how things go,” Harry said carefully. “It’s not that I don’t want all that. I’m just a bit worried about you uprooting your whole life and moving away from your friends and family to be with me when we don’t know if this’ll actually work in real life, you know?”

“Mm,” Louis mumbled.

“Let’s see how the next couple of months go?” Harry added, helplessly. “I’ll have to find a new place to live in the new academic year, anyway… But I’m just being cautious.”

“Okay,” Louis relented with a small smile. “Fair enough. But I’d really like to live with you, all being well.”

“Really?” Harry smiled.

“Yeah.” Louis winked at him, sliding a hand to Harry’s inner thigh under the duvet. 

Harry closed his eyes, smiling, and taking in how it felt to be in Louis’ company. In several hours, he’d have to hop on a train back to London and leave Louis. At least he knew he’d be coming back. 

“Haz?” Louis asked. “Can I ask? Did you enjoy it? You know - bottoming?”

Harry let out a snort. “Safe to say I had a pretty nice time.”

“Better than topping?”

“That’s not really fair,” Harry raised his eyebrows. “The bar isn’t level. I’m in love with you, it’s always gonna be better. So… I need to fuck you to make a fair assessment.”

“Mm, don’t put the thought in my head.”

“Anyway,” Harry said, ignoring Louis but letting a small, pleased smirk cross his face. “I have a feeling anything I do with you is gonna be amazing.”

“I’ll make it so.” Louis smiled.

“We kind of just fell into it, you know?” Harry started to explain. “We always talked about you fucking me. So, when it came down to it, I just… The thought of it just made me think of you, and I couldn’t do it, Lou. So, I may not have saved myself for you, but that was a little something I did save for you. You took my bottom virginity.”

“Okay,” Louis rolled his eyes, but he was smiling lovingly. “Is that a thing?”

“Yes!” Harry laughed. “It is now.”

“I’m very glad I could still be your first something.”

“You’re my first most things, Louis.”  

➢

“Max thought you were so weird when you did your celebratory dance,” Louis laughed as they ate oven-cooked pizza and garlic bread for dinner. “You never told me you’re good at bowling.”

“I’m good at a lot of things that you’ve yet to learn about.” Harry shrugged, trying to contain his laughter. “Anyway, I hope they cut that bit out.”

“Ugh, there’s loads I hope they cut out.”

“Serves you right for agreeing to be on TV.”

“It wasn’t me who called them, was it? It was Liam!”

“When Nev called me, I couldn’t  _ believe _ you’d called Catfish on me.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Look, Liam did us a favour. God knows how long it would’ve taken us to get our act together.”

Harry paused. “I promise I was gonna meet you at Easter.”

Louis looked at him with false suspicion, smiling. “It’s our year, I suppose.”

Harry pulled a disc of pepperoni from his pizza and chewed on it thoughtfully.

“I don’t wanna go home.”

“Don’t want you to. But you have to go back to uni and work hard, mister.”

“Yeah.” Harry beamed.

Louis reached his foot out under the table, hooking his ankle around Harry’s.

After dinner, Harry went upstairs to pack his few things he’d managed to scatter around Louis’ room and Louis followed him, luring him onto the bed and slithering on top of him, lazily kissing and his hands roaming Harry’s body. They didn’t really have any time for funny business, but Harry was okay with that. Kissing Louis was the most incredible feeling, electrifying and emotionally satisfying. He felt like he was deepening the bond he felt with Louis, exploring the mouth he already knew so well and the body he couldn’t wait to know every single inch of, inside and out.

Harry loved Louis. He had for a long time. Loved his heart and his wit, his brain and his soul. Now that he was with him, he found himself already in love with Louis as a physical being. Not just his beauty but his mannerisms, his style, the captivating way he carried himself, firm and sure with a small wink of flamboyance. 

“It’s big, you know,” Louis said.

“Oh, I know,” Harry smirked.

“Stop, dirty boy.” Louis grinned. “I mean this. We’re in a serious relationship, now. A real life one. And we might be living together in a few months. This is, like,  _ serious. _ ”

A dizzying thrill zipped up Harry’s spine.

“We went from zero to a hundred pretty quick,” Harry agreed. “I’m not scared. In fact, I’m very, very excited.”

“Mm, me too,” Louis said softly. He pushed his hips down, rubbing up against Harry.

“Ugh. Stop, Lou,” he sighed, pulling Louis’ hips flush against his own and arching into him. “Don’t get me all excited. We need to leave.”

“Okay,” Louis mumbled, giggling as Harry continued to rut against him, at odds with his words. “Come on, then. Let’s go.”

Harry whined, finally letting go of him. Louis climbed off him, standing up and grabbing Harry’s hand to pull him up.

“Lou? When we get back to Holmes Chapel, will you come inside and meet my mum?”

“Really?”

“She’ll kill me if I don’t bring you inside.”

“Okay.” Louis nodded. “Is she nice?”

“Louis, you’ve heard me speak about her thousands of times.”

“Course, yeah,” Louis said. “I can’t wait to meet her. But what if she doesn’t like me?”

“She’s gonna love you, Lou.” Harry shrugged as if it was obvious. “She’ll just be happy you’re not a murderer.”

“So, she’s only gonna like me because I’ve not killed you. Nothing to do with any of my virtues?”

“Mm, fishing for compliments?” Harry rolled his eyes as they made their way towards the front door. “I’ve not given you enough compliments already?”

“Well,” Louis shrugged, squeezing Harry’s hand, “a few more can’t hurt.”

“Well, let’s see,” Harry sighed. “I could tell you that you have magic fingers, magic lips, a very magic arse, and, um… not to mention a very,  _ very _ magic-”

“Is this how you’re selling me to your mum?” Louis scoffed, trying to hide a pleased smile. “Telling her I’m great in bed? Inappropriate. Not to mention shallow.”

“Nah. That’s just for me.” Harry grinned. “Hey, on that note, there  _ is _ something I’ve not told you.”

“Oh?” Louis’ eyes widened.

“I have literally no gag reflex.”

“What?” Louis whined. “Why would you tell me this?  _ Now?!” _

“Give you something to look forward to.”

“Oh, you’re a wanker,” Louis scoffed, shaking his head.

“A massive wanker,” Harry agreed.

As they left Louis’ and got into his car, Harry glanced back regretfully. He silently hoped that things would work out and he’d see this place again. As full of hope as he was, he’d seen enough episodes of Catfish to know that sometimes, even the most smitten of couples didn’t work out in the end, the most perfect of love stories having been torn apart by the time the show caught up with them a month or two later. He didn’t want to be just another episode about a couple who didn’t work out.

He glanced over at Louis, who looked relaxed as he navigated them out of the city. He was humming quietly to the radio and Harry was so fucking in love with him.

“You okay, love?” Louis asked.

“Mm? Just thinking.”

“Oh?”

“Just about the future and stuff.” Harry chewed the inside his cheek. “Wondering what’s gonna happen.”

“Yeah.” Louis sighed. “Look, if I can have a rare, serious moment,” Louis glanced at him with a smirk, “yeah, it’s gonna be difficult. But relationships can be, and if we’re willing to work hard, I think we really do have a good chance here. I’m willing to put everything into working at this. I mean, it’s gonna be worth it, yeah?”

“Definitely,” Harry agreed, running his fingertips over Louis’ arm. “No messing about. This is the real deal.”

Louis nodded, smiling. They were silent for a minute or two before Louis glanced at Harry, frowning.

_ “No gag reflex,  _ Harry? Honestly.”

➢

Anne treated Louis with suspicion. Louis seemed nervous under the scrutiny but he pulled through, winning her over nicely. It was a short meeting; Harry needed to pick up his stuff and head back to London soon, but he knew he’d pleased his mother by bringing Louis in to meet her and putting her mind at rest.

“Harry, darling, I got you something to take back with you.”

She handed him a fairly small box, and he recognised it instantly as being from the bakery.

“No, this isn’t-” He opened the box, squealing before sniffing, turning to Louis. “These are the best brownies,  _ on earth.  _ The girl who took over my job at the bakery makes them, and they’re incredible. I tried to flirt the recipe out of her, but…”

“Oh, Harry,” Anne gently scolded, slapping him on the arm. “Anyway, your brownies are better.”

“No way.” Harry snorted. “Muffins, maybe, not brownies.”

“You had great potential, Harry,” Anne raised her eyebrows. “But you decided to study physio, instead.”

“I know, what was I thinking?” Harry rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, slapping himself on the forehead. “Rubbing people for a living, I must be crazy!”

Anne seemed unimpressed and Louis equally, folding his arms with a pop of his hip, one eyebrow cocked.

“Well!” Harry said, laughing. “It’s time for me to go.”

Harry said goodbye to his mother and Louis walked him the short distance to the train station.

“God, things are gonna be dull the next few months.” Louis sighed.

“I know.” Harry smiled sadly. “I don’t wanna get weird, but I feel like everything’s clicked into place for me. I mean, meeting was the best thing to happen to us, and I think that would’ve been true even if it had gone badly. It was always a case of either we find our soulmate or we find the closure we need to move on.”

“Mm.” Louis sniffed. “You believe in soulmates?”

“Oh… I don’t know,” Harry laughed dismissively. “I know we need to work hard at this, but a part of me can’t help but think fate is smiling down on us.”

They arrived at the train station and Louis walked Harry onto his platform. They sat on a bench, thighs pressed close together.

"So, um..." Harry said. He had no idea what to say. He gazed at Louis helplessly.

"I'll see you soon." Louis smiled, sympathetic and slightly amused. "I promise. Don't be sad, babe."

He held his hand out and Harry took it, squeezing and sighing. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you at Easter. Hey, it’s only a few weeks away, isn’t it?”

“Something like that.” Harry could see lights in the distance. His train was coming in. “It’s time, Lou.”

Louis looked over his shoulder before sighing. “Come here.”

They kissed, slow and lingering, raising Harry’s heartbeat. He willed himself not to cry.

“I love you,” Louis said, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s flushed cheek. 

“Love you, too,” Harry replied, sniffing.

He stood to his feet, Louis standing too and handing him his box of brownies.

“Have a safe journey.”

“You too.” Harry gave him a small smile. “Ring me when you get in?”

“Oh, the phone sex is gonna be so much better now.”

“Behave!” Harry laughed wetly, slapping him on the bum and pressing their lips together one last time as the train came to a halt in the station. He forced himself away, getting on the train and sitting by the window, grinning out at Louis and waving as the train pulled away, taking Harry away from his boy _. _

An hour later, Harry had spoken to his mum who reassured him a bit and Louis arrived back home and rang him. They spoke for about twenty minutes before Louis had an early night, leaving Harry to fall asleep on the train until they pulled into London Euston.

Arriving back to his flat was strange, and even though it had only been three days it felt like a lifetime since he’d last been there. He lay in bed, looking at the empty side, smiling to himself. Soon, Louis would be laying there next to him.

 

**One Month Later**

 

“Will you bloody sit down?”

“I’m nervous!” Harry retorted, pacing up and down Louis’ room.

“Why? If you fuck up, they can edit it out.” Louis sighed, opening his arms. “Come here.”

Harry stopped pacing, striding over to Louis and sitting in his lap, letting Louis’ arms wrap around him.

“Do you think our episode will be boring?” Harry sniffed. “Too happy an ending?”

“No!” Louis laughed. “Some people like a happy ending, Haz.”

“I like a happy ending,” Harry smiled, and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Do you wanna go out for dinner after this? Or shall I cook?”

“Let’s go out,” Harry said, raising his eyebrows. “I can’t afford to have food poisoning for my exams.”

“Oh! Ha ha!” Louis scoffed sarcastically. “That’s really funny, actually, considering you-”

Louis’ laptop rang out with his Skype call tone. Harry jumped, starting to stand to his feet but Louis held him in place.

“Come on, babe. How cute does it look, you sitting on my lap?”

Harry rolled his eyes fondly. “Suppose.”

“You ready?”

Harry nodded resolutely, and Louis hit  _ answer. _

_ “Hey!”  _ Nev and Max cheered, appearing on the screen. Harry and Louis both waved cheerfully.

_ “Good to see you together!” _ Nev said.  _ “How are things going?” _

“Really good.” Louis smiled. “Harry’s up for Easter break, and I’m making plans to move down to London once I’ve graduated.”

_ “That’s amazing! So you guys are giving it a go, then?” _

“You could say that, yeah.” Harry grinned, looking at Louis as if for confirmation. “It’s early days, really, we’re  _ trying _ not to move too fast.”

“But we  _ are _ planning to move in together,” Louis added.

_ “Nice,” _ Nev laughed.

_ “So, no more gay chat rooms?” _ Max asked.

“No more gay chat rooms.” Harry shook his head, grinning.

They all said their goodbyes, Nev and Max hung up and Harry and Louis were alone in the silent bedroom.

“That’s that.”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed. “Our Catfish journey is over.”

“Not until it’s aired,” Louis pointed out. “And anyway, it’ll always be with us. It’s part of our history, now.”

“Ugh.” Harry rolled his eyes. “We’ll be half-arsed Z-list celebrities. Famous for being idiots.”

“Oi,” Louis said, slapping Harry on the arm. “Don’t be so negative. Might be fun.”

“Mm.” Harry shook his head, unconvinced. 

“Haz?”

Harry twisted his body to face Louis a little better. “Yes, Lou?”

“Not to put pressure on you, and I’m not officially asking. But-” he paused to clear his throat. “I know I’ve said it before, but I do wanna marry you.”

Harry let out a curious noise, burying his face in Louis’ neck. He felt Louis smell his hair.

“Lou!”

“I know, Harry, but I can’t help it. On the one hand… we’ve known each other for a month… but on the  _ other _ hand…”

“On the other hand,” Harry mumbled into his neck. “It’s been four years.”

“I’ve loved you for four years and you’re even more wonderful in person, and I think four years is plenty, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do,” Harry said, lifting his head to look Louis in the eyes, beaming. “Wanna marry you, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this and it was everything you hoped for and more. Little epilogue coming soon! :)


	6. Epilogue

**Catfish**

 

Harry took a deep breath and knitted his eyebrows together. He kept his eyes locked on Louis, watching his eyes flutter closed, gasping as he lowered himself down slowly.

_ “Louis,” _ Harry whispered. His own voice sounded strained, tense. The hot, tight heat of Louis was almost unbearable, and Harry dug his fingertips into Louis’ strong thighs to ground himself.

“God,” Louis grunted through gritted teeth. His palms, supporting his weight, pressed into Harry’s sensitive nipples which felt both painful and delightful. Louis gasped again, louder, as he pushed down all the way onto Harry and finally, his bum sat flush on Harry’s hips.

“You okay?” Harry asked, breathless. It felt incredible, being encased in Louis’ arse like this. He’d never get used to how satisfying it was, or the incredible rush of love in his heart he felt whenever they were intimate like this. 

Louis took a deep breath, hanging his head and nodding, exhaling as he started to move his hips, back and forth.

“Fuck, baby,” he whined. “You’re so big. Love you being inside me.”

Harry braced himself as Louis fidgeted on his cock, shifting himself backwards, side to side, arching his back, learning the feeling of Harry. Harry had fucked him before, of course, but it was the first time Louis was riding him - Louis’ idea - and it felt  _ unreal. _

Louis started to bounce a bit, and Harry let out a loud groan. Louis’ palms pushed into Harry’s nipples again as he pulled himself off Harry’s cock about halfway, slamming back down and throwing his head back, whining.  _ Okay,  _ Harry thought,  _ we’ll be doing this again. _

“Louis?” he moaned pathetically. “Need you harder, Lou, and  _ faster.” _

Louis let out a pained whine, licking his lips.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, before taking a deep breath. He met Harry’s eyes and then he just…  _ went for it. _ He started to bounce relentlessly and, Harry couldn’t work out what he was doing, but every time Louis slammed back down, something delicious licked at the pit of Harry’s stomach and his brain went sort of… fuzzy. He forced himself to keep his eyes open as Louis threw his head back, positively  _ wailing _ as he writhed and bounced, his own cock bobbing and slapping against his stomach, dripping messily as Harry watched on, spellbound.

“Harry,  _ Harry…” _

Harry tried his best to lift his hips to meet Louis’ movements, but Louis was slamming down so hard he couldn’t move. Instead, he dug his fingertips into Louis’ thighs again, trying to keep himself as lucid as possible. 

Louis let out a loud growl, moving his left hand behind him, planting it on the bed and angling himself. 

“Fuck, that’s it.” Louis breathed, letting out a high-pitched whine as he started to wind his hips up and forward. “Oh, oh…  _ fuck…” _

Harry let out a pitiful little moan, watching helplessly as Louis lost his mind, grinding and fucking himself on Harry’s cock, pleasuring himself. The sight was unreal - Louis’ eyes closed, his mouth agape, grinding down at a strange angle that Harry assumed felt incredible to him, if Louis’ reaction were anything to measure it by - and Harry felt the familiar rush, the coiling deep in his groin as he climbed higher and higher.

Louis let out a sob, and Harry knew that he was close, too. He grabbed Louis’ cock firm in his hand and ran his thumb over the tip, smearing precome and Louis arched his back, cried out a long, throaty  _ fuck _ and promptly came, hard and persistent, spurting all over his own stomach and chest, and covering Harry’s hand.

_ Fuck, _ Harry thought in awe, _ there’s so much of it. _ Louis wasn’t exactly deprived of opportunities to come, but maybe his balls were making up for years and years of lost time? That was the only explanation. 

Louis leaned over Harry, bouncing hard again. He was wincing and crying out as if in pain, and he probably was, but he was relentless, now focusing on Harry’s pleasure. He unceremoniously tweaked Harry’s nipples between his forefingers and thumbs, alternating pressure between left and right every split second. Harry saw stars. His brain short circuited as he came, pulsing inside of a panting Louis and feeling close to passing out as he zoned in on the feeling of Louis’ arse, tight around him. He wanted to capture the feeling forever. It was perfect,  _ Louis  _ was perfect, being in love with Louis was  _ perfect,  _ and the next thing Harry knew, Louis was gently wiping a warm, damp flannel over his chest.

“Oh. Thanks, love.”

“You okay?” Louis smirked softly. “Fuck, Haz, why haven’t we done that before? That was  _ incredible.” _

“I don’t know,” Harry replied, surprised to hear himself slurring. “Did I... faint, or something?”

“You, um, drifted away, I suppose.” Louis sniffed, sighing as he slipped into bed next to Harry and pulled the duvet over the both of them. “So? Did it do the trick? Do you feel better?”

“Hm? Oh.” Harry sighed. “I suppose. But now you’ve just reminded me that I’m nervous.”

Harry and Louis would be low level, Z-List celebrities this time tomorrow. Their episode of Catfish was airing in - Harry glanced at the clock - just over an hour. He’d thrown up twice today and Louis had suggested they try something new to relieve his tension. 

“I’m gonna go downstairs, order the pizza.” Louis yawned. “You sure pizza won’t irritate your tummy?”

“No, I’ll be fine. But you know what would  _ really  _ settle my stomach?” Harry said, exaggeratedly licking his lips and winking downwards to where Louis’ cock was sitting under the duvet.

“Harry…” Louis half whined, half sighed in exasperation. “I’m not a machine.”

Harry rolled his eyes petulantly.

➢

Harry’s knees were cuddled to his chest. It wasn’t that he was closing Louis off, he just needed the self-comfort. Louis wormed his way in anyway, pushing his arm through a gap and wrapping it around Harry’s knee. The gesture settled Harry somewhat. After three months of living together, Louis always knew the right thing to do for Harry. He was lovely.

The show started, and Harry’s heart was beating wildly. 

“I think some of this is gonna be a bit hard to watch,” he murmured.

Louis tightened his grip around Harry’s knee. They watched as Nev and Max read Liam’s email, Skyping him first, followed by Louis.

_ “I was eighteen, he was sixteen,”  _ Louis said through the laptop screen.  _ “We hit it off right away, exchanged numbers, and we’ve texted constantly ever since.” _

_ “Do you love him?” _

_ “I’ve been in love with him for four years.” _

Harry’s heart pounded wildly. Despite the fact he’d now been in a relationship with Louis for five years, six months of that time being real life and face-to-face, the reminder of Louis’ feelings for him was overwhelming. 

_ “We split up for about a year, and it was the worst year of my life. He met someone, but I was just stuck in a bit of a rut, if I’m honest, and the thought of him being with that guy was absolutely horrible. We’ve talked about living together and everything, he’s said he wants me to move down to London, and I just...” _

_ “You want answers.” _

_ “Yeah. And it’s not like… It’s like, I can’t be disappointed when I see him because I’ve never known what he looks like? I mean, obviously he’s good looking in my head and he says he’s athletic, but I don’t care if he turns out to be overweight or something, that’s the kind of lie I can shrug off.” _

Harry kissed Louis on the shoulder.

_ “I’ve, um…” He cleared his throat. “He has sent me pictures, just never of his face. He took a picture of his hand when he got the ring and I’ve seen pictures of… um…” _

Harry cackled loudly.

“Oh my God,” he laughed, feeling his face flush red. “You told the entire world I sent you dick pics. My  _ mum _ is watching this.”

_ “Okay, so you’re pretty sure it’s at least a guy.” _

_ “Yeah, yeah.” _

The nerves came back full force when Nev and Max started to look into Harry in order to find out who he was. They searched Facebook; nothing. Twitter; nothing. Instagram…  _ nothing. _ They searched for Jess. They couldn’t find her, but they finally got a hit when they searched for Niall - Harry guessed he’d let slip Niall’s surname - but they couldn’t find a sniff of Harry on Niall’s Facebook, thanks to Harry’s rigorous privacy settings.

_ “Nothing. It’s gotta be a fake name.” _

Harry grinned tensely at Louis. They finally found Jess through Niall, and looked into some of their mutual friends but no one that seemed to jump out at them. In the back of Harry’s mind, he almost felt worried that they’d catch him, even though he knew they didn’t. He held his breath as they searched his nan’s address and got her name from Directory Enquiries, but thankfully for him they had no way of linking her back to Harry. Harry’s  _ disguise  _ had been watertight, thanks to the Data Protection Act preventing Nev and Max from looking up UK phone numbers. If they’d have found his mum’s name, it’d be a short step to Harry. They even rang his University.

_ “Can you just confirm whether or not you have a student by the name of Harry Cox enrolled?” _

_ “We do not.” _

“I didn’t know they rang my Uni,” Harry said in surprise.

“Well, they didn’t have much to go on. You’re a master of deception.”

When Nev and Max were on their way to tell Louis what they found, Louis grabbed the remote and paused the TV.

“Um- this bit’s gonna be a bit embarrassing.”

“Why, love?” Harry asked with a small smile.

Louis frowned and let out a little whimper. “Can I just quickly go for a wee?”

“You went twenty minutes ago. Please don’t prolong my pain.” Harry pouted.

Louis groaned. “Fine.”

He buried his face in Harry’s shoulder as he pressed play, a nervous Louis appearing on the screen, sitting at his kitchen table that Harry recognised all too well (they’d since made some quite naughty memories on said table).

_ “We searched tons of social media and we didn’t really find anything of any relevance.” _

_ “Okay…” Louis replied, his nerves clearly getting to him.  _

_ “We didn’t really have much to go on, so… we called the University, who were eventually willing to confirm to us they they do NOT have a Harry Cox enrolled.” _

_ Louis held his head in his hands, huffing and sniffing.  _

_ “We also searched the address he gave you, and finally we got a name. Mary Smith - does that name mean anything to you?” _

_ Louis pulled his hands away from his face, sniffing again. His face was red and blotchy. He looked like he may have been crying. _

_ “Nope.” _

_ “Well, we know Harry must have some kind of connection to this address, because he received your gifts, right?” _

_ Louis nodded. _

_ “He must have some kind of connection at the Uni, too, because he got a card I sent there too.” _

_ “True.” Nev shrugged with a nod. _

“You’re embarrassed because you cried?” Harry asked softly. “Lou…”

Louis just groaned.

_ “Well, if we can’t get in contact with him, at least we have an address we can head over to. But, I’ll give him a call. See if he’ll agree to meet us.” _

_ “Hang on,” Louis said quickly, panicked. “Um - be gentle with him, okay?” _

_ “I’ll do my best.” _

_ Nev headed outside. _

“Ugh, now it’s my turn to be embarrassed,” Harry moaned, cringing at the sound of his own voice coming from the TV.

_ “...You can tell Louis that I know he’s lying about his pictures.” _

Louis groaned again, and Harry had the sinking feeling that Louis didn’t take this news well.

_ Nev went back inside, sitting down carefully on the sofa. _

_ “Okay, I spoke to him… Seemed to be a bit reluctant to meet this way, but he didn’t take much persuasion to agree.” _

_ Louis exhaled heavily in relief. “Okay.” _

_ “His name really is Harry, he says he was using a different surname. It  _ does _ sound like there’s something he’s hiding, I don’t know what, but he doesn’t want us to come down to London. He said he’s gonna come up and meet us.” _

_ “Wow,” Louis sighed before putting his hand over his mouth and silently shedding tears. “I can’t believe this is finally happening.” _

_ “One more thing,” Nev said, and Louis rolled his eyes painfully. “He said something interesting at the end of the call. He said ‘you can tell Louis, I know he’s lying about his pictures.’” _

Harry felt Louis’ grip around his knee tighten.

_ “Oh my God,” Louis whispered. _

_ “Are you using someone else’s pictures?” Max asked. _

_ Louis slowly nodded, covering his face yet again. “Um - when I started going into chat rooms, I was massively insecure about how I looked, and I just kind of thought that if people didn’t like my picture, they wouldn’t want to get to know me for me. So I came across this good-looking kid on Facebook and just… thought I’d see what it’d be like to be him for a day. I’m happy and confident with how I look now, and have been for a while, but by that time…” he sighed. “I mean, it’d gone too far by then. It’s been ages since even went on that guy’s profile.” _

“Hello?!” Louis scoffed at the TV, making Harry jump. “How did I not click?  _ Harry knows you’re stealing pictures. _ From some guy called Harry. Have I always been that stupid?”

“Give yourself a break,” Harry grinned. “You were in love.”

Harry and Louis watched as Nev and Max headed over to Louis’ flat, and he told them that he didn’t really sleep, and he had a bad feeling about everything. Nev called Harry and told him they’d be round about midday.

_ “It’s just-” Louis shrugged, “I’m not only worried about if he’s really who he says he is, but I’m really worried about how he will react to me. In a way it’s kind of a relief to know that he already knows that’s not my face.” _

_ “Right.” Nev shrugged.  _

_ Louis was silent for a few seconds. “I just think that you never know if there will be chemistry there, and that’s actually the scariest part.” _

_ Louis’ phone chimed. _

_ “It’s Harry,” he said, voice shaking. “It says: ‘I’m sorry this got so messy, I’m so excited to meet you, I love you.’” _

_ Louis took a deep breath, looking at Nev and shrugging tensely. _

They cut to an ad break, and Harry turned to look at Louis.

“I just remembered something I never told you.”

“Oh?” Louis eyed him suspiciously.

“Um-” Harry let out a little laugh. “Zayn came to see me, once.”

“He did what?” Louis’ eyes widened.

“Yup, came to see me at Uni. It was only by chance that he happened to find me. I was on my way to meet Drew and I walked past him getting wound up with a receptionist because she couldn’t find me based on  _ his name is Harry and he’s studying physiotherapy.” _

“What did he say? I can’t believe he never told me!” Louis scoffed, poking Harry in the ribs. “I can’t believe  _ you  _ never told me.”

“He swore me to secrecy.” Harry beamed. “Told me you were miserable without me.”

“Did he now?”

“Mmhmm.” Harry grinned. “That’s about it. He was basically blaming me for the fact we’d split up and said we needed to meet.”

Louis shrugged. “Fair.”

“Er, hello?” Harry rolled his eyes. “Not fair. You broke up with me. Idiot.” He disentangled himself from Louis and standing up, stretching. “I’m getting a glass of wine to get me through the cringing. Need anything?”

“I need wine, too, please.”

“Okay.” 

Harry went into the kitchen, swiftly pulled a Merlot from the wine rack and poured himself a small amount, downing it before pouring himself and Louis a healthy amount each. 

“Thanks, babe,” Louis said, taking his glass as Harry came back into the living room.

“My stomach hurts,” Harry grumbled. “Watching this is gonna be excruciating.”

“Hey. I’ve already had to watch myself for half an hour.”

Harry groaned loudly. “It was bad enough seeing your downtrodden expression in real time, and now I have to relive it.”

“I know babe, but I got over it and two hours ago I rode your dick until you fainted, so, I think you’ll be fine.”

Harry threw Louis a dark look - pretending like his cock didn’t just twitch - groaning again as the ad break ended.

_ Nev pulled into a parking space a few doors down from Harry’s house. _

_ “You ready?” _

_ “As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose,” Louis said quietly. “Let’s do it.” _

_ Louis climbed out of the car, looking up and down the street. He nervously fixed his clothes - black skinny jeans and a dark t-shirt that seemed a bit big on him. He followed Nev and Max down the street, looking a little bit like he was going to hyperventilate as they walked into his front garden. _

_ “This is it,” Nev said, approaching the front door and knocking. Louis inhaled sharply. _

_ The door opened, and the camera panned round dramatically to reveal Niall coming out of the house. _

_ “Hiya., I’m Niall, Harry’s mate.” _

_ Louis had the majority of his fingertips in his mouth, nervously biting at his nails.  _

_ “Uh…” Nev said. “Hi.” _

_ “Harry’s a bit… nervous. He’ll be out in a minute, he’s just trying to compose himself. But please go easy on him, okay?” _

_ Louis’ eyes widened and he looked on the brink of terror. _

“Good job, Niall.” Harry rolled his eyes. “You must’ve thought something horrific was coming out of that house.”

“Shh.”

_ Niall glanced at Louis who smiled tightly. _

_ “I just wanted to let you know that he will be coming out. It might take a while, but I promise he’s coming out.” _

_ With that, Niall disappeared again.  _

_ “Oh, God,” Louis whined quietly, forcing himself to remove his hands from his face and crossing them tightly in front of his chest. _

_ The door opened again, and Louis winced as he stared at the ground. The picture cut to a nervous looking Harry for a few seconds, before cutting right back to Louis as he finally looked up. _

_ Louis’ hands covered his face as he let out a long groan, retreating out of the front garden and making a beeline for the car.  _

“Oh, God,” Harry whispered.

_ Nev had joined Louis in the car. _

_ “It’s him, it’s the guy whose pictures I’ve been using,” Louis sobbed, doubled over in his seat and crying into his hands. _

_ “Oh,” Nev said in surprise. _

_ “His name’s-” Louis hiccuped. “-Harry Styles.” _

_ “Well, now we know how he knew your pictures were fake,” Nev said as Louis sat up straight, sniffing heavily and wiping his eyes. “You think you’re ready to go back over?” _

_ Nev walked Louis back over to Harry, who took everybody inside the house. Louis had stopped crying at this point, but he looked miserable. Louis told his side of the story, ending with a little sniffle. _

“I can’t watch us arguing, Lou. I can’t.”

“Why, babe? We argue all the time,” Louis rasped quietly in Harry’s ear, voice full of glee.

Harry ignored the twist of arousal in his groin and swatted at Louis, irritated. They watched in silence, Harry cringing and hiding behind his hands at points.

He heard them arguing about who was in the wrong and, when they finally resolved the issue and went outside to chat, Harry was slightly less reluctant to watch. He giggled at Louis swinging the seat so Harry couldn’t sit down.

“Dick,” he murmured, smiling. Unsurprisingly, they cut out the part where Louis said he wanked to Harry’s pictures. 

_ “Of course I’ll be your boyfriend.” _

“...You gorgeous bastard.” Louis finished his own sentence, kissing Harry on the temple.

_ Harry and Louis said their goodbyes, and they cut to what looked like Louis filming himself in the middle of the night. _

_ “Um- Harry and I have become Facebook official,” he grinned into the camera, picture grainy in the dim light. “We’re, um, in a relationship and… I can’t wait to see him again tomorrow.” _

_ Tomorrow came, and Nev and Max picked Harry up. Harry couldn’t stop smiling. _

_ “How are you feeling today?” _

_ “Feeling good,” Harry replied, grinning like crazy. _

_ They arrived at Louis’ flat. He was waiting to greet them and he and Harry embraced. They all went inside, Harry and Louis sitting close together. _

_ “So where do you think you guys will take it from here?” _

_ “I think we’re just gonna see how it goes. Try and focus on school, then maybe spend Easter together.” _

Harry sighed as he and Louis watched a montage of their trip to the bowling alley with Nev and Max. 

“They cut out all your shameless flirting,” Louis remarked.

“Excuse me?” Harry scoffed.  _ “My _ flirting? Come on.”

“Please, Harry. Let’s not play this game.”

Harry shook his head, sighing. “I’d wrestle you to the ground if you weren’t so  _ insistent _ on watching this programme.”

“You mean watching our love blossom?”

“Shut up,” Harry scoffed.

_ Louis and Max won. Harry and Louis got some fish and chips and sat on a bench, alone, to chat. _

_ “So, um, is there anything else I should know about you?” _

_ “Erm… don’t think so.” Louis replied.  _

_ Harry showed Louis his L tattoo. They exchanged  _ I love yous, _ hugging. _

_ It was time for everybody to leave. Harry awkwardly asked if it was okay for him to stay with Louis; Nev grinned knowingly, saying it was fine, and the Catfish crew departed. _

_ “It’s been a long time coming.” Louis was sitting by himself, giving a little testimony. “But I think we’re on the right track, now. We can, erm…” He laughed, almost shyly. “We can get on with the life we talked about leading together, even if, at the time we talked about it, it felt like a pipe dream.” _

“Awww!” Harry cooed to Louis. “That’s cute!”

_ Cut to Harry, standing in Louis’ kitchen. _

_ “I mean, it’s been a long time coming,” Harry nodded thoughtfully. _

“Okay, that’s just creepy,” Louis said.

_ “Can’t wait to just see where this goes. I’m very excited. Definitely gonna see each other again, and, um...” Harry grinned stupidly. “I’m in love with him. So…”  _

_ The screen faded to black, following by the trilling tone of Skype. _

_ “Hey!” Nev and Max cheered as Harry and Louis appeared on the laptop screen. _

_ Their short catch-up session was cut to about twenty seconds; text on the screen informed viewers that Harry and Louis were living together in London, and the episode ended. _

“Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Louis asked Harry.

Harry pouted, frowning.

“I know.  _ But… _ people will recognise us.”

“Get over it, babe.” Louis grinned brightly. “If you’re worried about it, we’ll just go everywhere together for a while. Or will that make it worse?”

Harry shrugged, slumping down further on the sofa.

“Let’s not talk about it tonight.” He sighed, tugging on Louis’ arm. “Let’s just cuddle.”

“Just cuddle, is that right?”

“I thought you weren’t a machine?”

Louis shrugged, slumping down and laying his head on Harry’s chest. They fell silent as MTV played in the background, neither of them paying any attention to whatever reality show was on. Harry thought that maybe Louis had fallen asleep, until he cracked one of his knuckles.

“Louis?”

“Haz?”

“Sit up for a minute.”

Louis moved away from Harry, sitting up and crossing his legs under himself.

“What’s up?”

“Look, I know we’ve spoken about this a bit before, but…” Harry tilted his head, smiling at Louis. “When I finish Uni, I’d really like us to start making plans to get married.”

Louis folded his arms, tilting his head too and trying to stifle a smile. “Is this you  _ officially _ asking, or what?”

“Well, I don’t have a ring for you.”

Louis scoffed, indignant. “Then my answer is no.”

“Louis!” Harry whined.

“Okay, fine.” Louis sighed, rolling his eyes before betraying a wide grin. “Darling, it would be an honour to marry you.”

Harry beamed, lunging forward and hugging Louis tightly.

“Great. So we’re officially engaged?”

“Do we need to call our parents? Announce it on Facebook?” Louis said quickly, excitedly. “Put an announcement in the paper? Call Nev?!”

Harry scoffed at him. “Shut up. But you might want to let the producers know.” He shook his head, rolling his eyes, before smiling. “Love you.”

“Love you, too. Should we crack open that champagne that’s been in the fridge since we moved in three months ago?”

They moved into the kitchen, popping the champagne - a slightly embarrassed Louis insisted on keeping the cork - Harry pouring them both a glass. He hopped up to sit on the counter and Louis leaned back against it between Harry’s legs.

“One day, this Catfish stuff will all be a distant memory.”

“Can we get there sooner?” Harry mumbled.

➢

He’d always been a lightweight when it came to champagne and so Harry was laying on the kitchen floor, giggling away as Louis was straddling him, swigging champagne straight from the bottle. 

“Don’t drop that fuckin’ bottle on my head, whatever you do, Louis.”

Louis slammed the bottle down on the floor next to them, running his hands up Harry’s body, ruffling his t-shirt before pressing his torso down flush against Harry’s, forearms on the floor next to Harry’s shoulders.

“You know what we’ve never tried?”

Harry pouted, raising his eyebrows sassily. “There are some things we haven’t tried for a very good reason, mister.”

“Hear me out!”

“Okay.”

“Champagne blowjob,” Louis stated. “Fancy it?”

“What the hell is that?”

“Well…” Louis sighed, grinding his hips down onto Harry’s. “I basically have champagne in my mouth and… put your dick in my mouth, too, and…”

“Hm?” Harry hummed in interest.

“Apparently the fizz, you know, the bubbles, they feel amazing.”

“Thinking of the logistics,” Harry said, slurring slightly. He was tipsy and his head was spinning from champagne and arousal. “I suppose you need me to stand up?”

Louis crawled off of Harry, grinning brightly as he watched Harry stand to his feet, slightly wobbly.

“There’s some left?” Harry asked, nodding to the bottle on the floor.

“Mmhmm,” Louis said, shuffling closer to Harry and moving his fingers to his fly. “A few mouthfuls.”

Harry swallowed thickly as Louis flicked open the button of his jeans, pulling the zip down and leaning forward to kiss the slight bulge in his boxers.

“On our wedding day…” Louis said, pulling Harry’s jeans down and nosing at his cock through his underwear, “When we’re drinking champagne, I hope you remember the night of your engagement.”

Harry tangled his fingers into Louis’ hair, which was just about long enough on the sides to curl his fingers into.

“Is it gonna be because you gave me a mind-blowing orgasm, or because you dribbled flat champagne all down my legs?”

Louis laughed lightly as he hooked his fingers into Harry’s waistband, and Harry felt nice and fuzzy inside as his boxers were pulled down to his ankles.

“Sit down, babe.” Louis sighed. Harry complied, sitting on a chair as Louis pulled the skinny jeans and boxers from Harry’s feet before pulling his legs apart and shuffling into the space. “This should work. Don’t want you falling down.”

“I wouldn’t have fallen down.” Harry shook his head, grinning pompously. 

“Okay, babe, well I prefer it this way, okay?” Louis smiled sweetly.  _ Harry loved him so much. _

Louis reached behind, grabbing the champagne bottle and taking a short swig from it. The sight coaxed Harry to full hardness, Louis raising his eyebrows and hungrily eyeing Harry’s cock.

“Alright, then,” Harry said tightly, trying to sound casual. “Let’s give this silly idea of yours a go.”

Louis rolled his eyes, trying not to smile, mouth firmly closed and cheeks billowed out. He grabbed hold of Harry’s cock, tipping his head back ever so slightly and opening his mouth carefully, quickly slotting Harry in and sealing his lips.

The moment he moved his tongue, sloshing champagne over Harry’s shaft, Harry let out a sharp whine.

“Oh,  _ fuck,” _ he gasped. “Oh, my God.”

He’d imagined it would be cold, but the champagne was lukewarm, having sat out for the past half hour and being in Louis’ mouth for a few minutes. He felt warmth come over him in waves, gentle fizzing and popping tickling his tip and he let out a long moan.

“Feels so good, Lou. Kind of… numb. But -  _ ah! _ \- fizzy and tingly and,  _ God…” _

Louis cupped his tongue around the underside of Harry’s cock, dragging it up and down. The whole combination of sensations was almost too much for Harry to cope with - he was very glad and grateful that Louis made him sit down - he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed as he felt arousal surge through his veins, coiling in his groin as he knew he was teetering on the edge.

“Can’t wait to marry you,” Harry panted. “Spend my wh-whole life with you.”

Louis groaned as best he could. Harry started to tug on Louis’ hair and Louis knew. He slowly pulled off, dripping champagne and spit down his chin, stopping at the last second to suck on the tip of Harry’s cock and swallow the rest of the champagne in his mouth, wincing slightly. He took Harry back in his mouth, and as he swirled his tongue around the tip followed by a languid lick to the underside, Harry gave him a brief warning shout before coming into his mouth, heart pounding out of his chest as he threw his head back. He knew he’d only come a little bit but his whole body was trembling and he was struggling to catch his breath. He cried out again when Louis pulled away, sucking slightly before he popped off Harry’s cock and panted heavily.

“You liked it?” he asked, breathless.

“Lou,” Harry slurred, one hand on the table top, gripping weakly. “You gotta try it, we’ll try it.”

“Was it better than the ice cube thing we did?”

“Mm, yeah.” Harry smiled. “I mean… the ice cube was  _ good.” _

“Agreed.” Louis grinned. “By the way - warm champagne mixed with precome - not a pleasant swallow.”

“Haha!” Harry tucked himself into his boxers, leaving his jeans open. He slipped off the chair and kneeled, level with Louis. “We should invite Nev and Max to the wedding, do you think they’d come?”

“Absolutely not. We were merely a job to them, Hazza.”

Harry pouted, and Louis kissed him.

“I bet you’ve secretly got the whole thing planned out. Haven’t you, Pinky?”

The nickname threw Harry right back to 2010, sitting in his room eating crisps and chatting to faceless, identity-stealing Louis. He could still remember his first wank over Louis; he’d told Louis he slept naked and Louis told him to change the subject. It didn’t take much back then, he thought to himself. Then again, as he looked at Louis, simply smiling opposite him, he knew he’d never stop wanting Louis.

“Okay, hear me out,” he grinned to Louis. “For the wedding breakfast - Catfish.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams forever* So that is that. Thank you for all the love and support. It has meant the world to me. Please please PLEASE [reblog the tumblr post](http://waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee.tumblr.com/post/157664822031/when-we-were-younger) if you enjoyed this. Your reblogs are a huge huge help to me.  
> I'm not going to pretend I won't probably write timestamps for this so keep an eye out on Tumblr (I tag everything to do with this fic as both #WWWY and #catfish au) and maybe subscribe to me as a user? :) 
> 
> feel free to come and chat to me! Please, be nice. I worked extremely hard to provide this work to you for free!

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please reblog the [Tumblr post!](https://catfishau.tumblr.com/post/171861779471/when-we-were-younger)  
> If you're so inclined, you can check out my [Buy Me a Coffee page](https://www.buymeacoffee.com/dinosaursmate) if you'd like to say thank you in another way <3


End file.
